Increasing Positive Connections and Decreasing Negative Connections
We have limitations to what we are doing here. 7 Cups is never going to be perfect. As you all know, 7 Cups is a process of trying things, failing, trying new things, figuring them out, and then making progress. Remarkably, this trial and error process has led us quite far. Im really proud of what weve accomplished. Weve supported millions of people and have undoubtedly made this world a better place.
Constructive and supportive feedback have helped us get to where we are now. We are very open to and thankful for constructive criticism. Weve written extensively about how helpful feedback can be an we also differentiated between process and content.
On that post I wrote:
To begin, when surfacing a problem and providing feedback – think about it in terms of the content and the process. The content is how you describe the problem or concern. Think of this as an objective description of the situation. The process is how you describe it or the tone you make. Think of this as the emotional piece of the description. Is it stated in a warm and helpful manner? Is it stated in a goading manner? Is it stated in an angry manner? (these are all process points).
As a society, we dont really pay attention to process very much. We dont really look at how relational dynamics unfold. If someone subtly insults you, it is kind of breaking the rules to say – ‘hey, that just hurt my feelings (this would be a process comment) Instead, the expected behavior is to just kind of accept it, feel hurt, and then maybe share it with someone else later.
As a result, we are often not very aware of the process that occurs in our relationships. This is even harder in an online venue.
However, as a community, we can make HUGE amounts of progress if we pay attention to our process when we collectively problem solve. It could actually end up being our secret weapon.
Here is one quick way to think about this:
1. Identify the problem or concern.
2. Write it out.
3. Ensure youre not framing any personal opinions as concrete facts, making blanket statements or catastrophizing.
4. Ask what are the emotions that Im evoking with this feedback?
5. Ask yourself – how would I feel if someone wrote this to me?
6. If you feel good about it, then post it. If you dont feel good about it, then revise it so that you would feel good about it.
Examples:
✕ The rain sucks. Everyone hates it and we are all going to get flooded.
✔ I dont like it when it rains. I am worried it might flood.
✕ Nobody ever listens to me and its pointless for any of us to say anything.
✔ I feel like people arent hearing what Im saying and I find that frustrating.
We are going to require people practice these respectful rules when posting moving forward. Think of our forum/community a little bit like a party. You might have 100 people at the party. If 1 person is being loud, negative, and insulting, then they can ruin the party for everybody else. That is what we want to avoid here.
Weve been getting reports that some posts are negatively impacting others. If we were in a real life group setting, then wed simply take the person aside, hear them, and problem solve with them. Because we are on the Web and not in real life we need a different model.
The first step is to ask everyone to follow the above process. If not, and a person posts an insulting, overly negative or harmful post, then well delete it and then email you directly to discuss.
I also wrote quite a bit about harmful people in Chapter 6 of the book. You can find it here.
How do you determine if you should let a person into your peer group?
People have their own weather systems. They bring their weather into your world. If your disposition is normally sunny and 70, yet every time Stacy comes around it become dark and rainy, then know the gray clouds have nothing to do with you. They are coming from Stacy. When you meet a new person, simply allow yourself to get a feel for their weather. If you like it, then let them into your network. If you dont like it, then dont let them in. Dont increase the size of that persons circle by spending more time with them.
We have also spelled out much of this in our community guidelines.
All of this leads us to where we are now. Recently, weve been hearing more ‘feedback that is really just meant to inflame things. These types of inflammatory processes use up valuable resources in ways that are not actually effective, because the people engaging in them do not really want to make 7 cups better.
On the member side, we started removing people who really were not there to get help, but instead just wanted to harass others. The environment immediately became much healthier. We are now transitioning this approach to the listener side. If you find yourself being gratuitously negative or inflammatory, we invite you to reflect on whether or not it is time for you to move on from 7 cups. 7 Cups welcomes anyone, but you have to want to be here. Ask yourself if the things you don't like about 7 Cups outweigh the benefits. If you don't like what you get here, it's harming yourself, and damaging to the community, for you to stay.
For our part, we will let you know if we believe you are being toxic. We will approach you after we have staff consensus that it would be better to have you move on. Well ask you to self-correct. If you cannot self-correct, and the behaviors become damaging to yourself and 7 Cups, then well ask you to leave the community.
Specifically, this process will look like this:
Alert you that one of your posts is not inline with these guidelines, delete it and ask you to reframe it in the appropriate way.
If you are unable, we will ask you to take a 2 week self-care break.
If this process repeats itself, we will ask you to step away from the community.
The vast majority - 99.9% of people - do not behave in this way. In fact, many people are actually quite happy with 7 Cups and we are delighted with 99.9% of you! Recent survey data is captured here and suggests 93% of listeners enjoy listening to members and 80% of members feel 7 Cups has helped them. The loud few would have you believe that things are much more negative. We are no longer in a position where we can continue to invest so heavily in so few. It is not good for them and it is not good for our community.
It is time for us to close this chapter. Lets turn to a new page, start a new chapter, and get back to fulfilling our mission.
Onward and upward!
@GlenM
Well said and presented, nice to know that we have an outline in place for the growth and refinement of this site.
@EnigmaticRebel
Remember 7cups isnt responsible for our Personal Growth or our goals. That is part of our reasons we choose to be part of 7cups. To help GUIDE AND SUPPORT us through our jurneys.
I hope everyone is reaching out and getting that here, and also helping others with theirs.
@GlenM -- Onward and upward! 
I would like to put forward my thoughts as to some of things which have been on my mind over the period of the past few days.
We at 7cups are a diverse community, and I think that's something each and everyone of us should be proud of ,the fact that 7cups has been able to bring together under one big virtual roof people across generations and countries is commendable and we all need to applaud the efforts of the admin team .This the fact that 7cups is not a closed restricted platform is to me our biggest strength each of the listener and member even one who has been here for a few hours has brought something unique to the table those differences in thoughts,ideas and processes have also been the reasons why we have differed and disagreed but that's alright .in this particular context this diversity also has the potential of causing problems.
A large number of us here don't come from English speaking backgrounds ,from different cultures and this is a medium where misunderstandings tend to happen ,there have been instances where time and again where I have felt hurt by what others have said not that they meant it it's just I failed to understand what they said and interpreted it wrong similarly I am sure what I have said may have been interpreted by others totally different from what I would have intended and it's not anyone's fault what we say (or type ) is subconsciously affected by cultural references and as they say what's normal for a spider is chaos for a fly .on top of that this is a medium devoid of expressions yet full of emotions .we can't see the speakers emotions and to me that's a serious problem.
To me I have no right to question someone's intentions ,I believe 99.9% of us are here for good reasons we all want what's best for the community and also believe in this mission though we may have different ideas and different paths which we would like to follow and wouldn't agree as to the "right" way to move forward.
For me again I see many people's posts as their ideas of how to move forward and not exactly toxic.to clarify I don't talk about posts such as "I hate 7cups" "7cups is going down the drain " or the ones which target an individual sometimes it may happen that even someone who has the best intentions may just have a bad day and lash out without wanting to .To me someone who has been here for a bit doesn't come on to disrupt the community its just that their thoughts aren't aligned with others and for all their eloquence may just fail to put forward their thoughts or maybe they couldn't be interpreted as they would have intended for whatever reason .I know I have suffered from that way too many times.I don't know who was given a warning except for @Sam who I was speaking to just before she left :/ ,I don't know for what she was given a warning its not my place to comment on that but from what I know of all people I wouldn't doubt her intentions here ,to me whatever she has always wanted what's best for the community.i would vouch for that.
What I ask is that everyone who has been sent a warning be given a chance to explain themselves as well as they be told how their posts were interpretated (privately would do) know it would take more time but it would make things much easier and simpler for everyone involved and must I say it would assure everyone involved ,atleast me that I will be able to explain myself and thus speak freely.
To end I will just say we all must remember that we are all on the same team ,our strength is in our unity and us walking this path together not in a Us vs them argument.
We are after all on the same side.
This is a difficult topic, especially since it can feel subjective.
For example, I can think of three scenarios that might all be viewed as the same but might not be:
1 - someone with positive intentions inadvertently says or posts something that is interpreted negatively or triggers a negative reaction in others
2 - someone with strong positive attachment to 7 cups mixed with either grievances or concern about change or good things ending may post something that is a mix of constructive criticism and expression of discouragement, hopelessness, or negativity, possibly with a side of catastrophe
3 - someone who no longer believes 7 cups is a good thing but has decided stick around and take pot shots, spread rumors, and just generally create chaos and strife
For the record I think there are probably very few examples of situation 3 above and many more of 1 and 2.
Situation 1 can generally be dealt with by talking things through to reach understanding
Situation 2 is trickier because of the admixture of positive and negative impulses. The ideal there is to tease them apart and for the person involved to discern if they want to work on positive outcomes here in this context or if they need to move on to find or build what they are looking for.
Situation 3 really just needs for the person to leave -- the hard part is knowing for sure this is the case.
I want to preface my comment with the fact that I know my thoughts aren't entirely coherent - I've delayed posting in hopes that they would become more clear to me, but they haven't, and I wanted to say something.
I really appreciate what @PoeticGuy has said because I think that's what's been lost in this a bit too much. A lot of what has been said or what has happened has felt very divisive, very 'us' vs. 'them', and more than anything, I find that troubling because at the end of the day here, I think (and hope!) that we all want the same thing. We all want to see 7 Cups be a haven where everyone feels safe, respected, heard, cared for, and valued. Where we disagree is in where we are now and how best to get there, but not in what we want. And maybe it's naive of me, but I truly believe if we can break down some of the disagreements a little more, we'll see that there's a lot more in common than different and that we can move forward together.
I don't know the best path forward. I don't know the best way to solve some of the cultural concerns around pushing more work and not enough self-care. I don't know the best way to fix listener quality, or even the best way to fix individual pieces of it. I don't know how to ensure that everyone feels heard and appreciated. But I want to find out. I want to learn from the experiences that everyone has had. I want to hear the ideas on the table and help raise your voices and ideas so that we see progress. I want to help everyone understand the limitations that are sometimes in place, but also to feel like those limitations don't mean 'no, it can't happen', but rather 'it might take more time than we'd like' or 'is there another way to solve the same problem'.
In everything that I've seen raised in this thread and several others, I'm honestly disappointed, confused, concerned, sad, and yet still hopeful. I'm disappointed that so many people aren't feeling validated or listened to. I'm confused that my experience has been so different than many, but know that both of our experiences are valid and real. I'm concerned that we're building an us vs. them mentality, rather than remembering that we are all here with the same purpose. I'm sad that so many people I care deeply about and so many people I haven't yet gotten to know have felt hurt or afraid during their time here. And I'm hopeful that we can move forward and grow together from this.
Since I know that I cannot commit to changing a culture, our quality, or anything else single-handedly, I want to commit to what I can. I commit to listening to anyone who wants to talk to me - here in the forums or in my PMs. I commit to trying my hardest to understand your perspective, whether or not we ultimately agree. I commit to respecting your views, to believing your experiences, and to validating your feelings. I commit to working to problem solve with you so that even if neither of our initial ideas work, that we keep building to try to find solutions that solve the problems that we are seeing. I commit to being honest in my own views, whether they agree or disagree with site decisions, with the person talking to me, or even with my own thoughts from a day or a week ago. I commit to being respectful and to caring about you and your perspective. I commit to reexamining my own thoughts and views carefully when we disagree since I acknowledge that I am often wrong or missing a piece of the puzzle. And I commit to continuing to act and speak always with the intent of helping this community.
So again, I want to reiterate that while I am feeling a lot of the same things everyone else is right now - fear, concern, sadness, disappointment, and frustration, I'm also feeling a lot of hope that we can all work together on this and end up much stronger as a community for it. And I hope that I'm not alone in that! 
Honestly, if there's one site leader to trust, it's @Anomalia, everyone. She embodies trust, empathy, validation and care to it's utmost best. You will not feel that your feelings are unimportant or invalidated around her, because she is so compassionate and respectful - whether or not she agrees with you. There are few people who work in the forums that are able to talk through difficult discussions without censorship or threats, and Lia is one of them.
Directly to you, Liavely, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you for having my back. You care so much, without being patronising in the slightest. You aren't afraid to speak your mind, but always in the kindest way possible. You hit the nail on the head, making things a lot clearer for everyone. And most of all, you are you and I couldn't ask for a better friend. This post pretty much encapsulates your being - care for others, honest expression and hopefulness.
@Anomalia, I admire you. This is really hard to do. And honest. And I'm sorry you and many others are in this position. I wish we had all of this figured out and it was easier. Thank you for being aware of the differnet pieces, thank you for being able to tolerate the pain, thank you for understanding the ambiguity, thank you for hoping.
I am also hopeful.
@Anomalia all the things you are feeling are also things I have felt in life. One of the challenges for me is determining if what I am feeling is due to what phase I am in in life or is it due to outer circumstances. Many times, when I was 40 years younger, I would find myself blaming others for feelings inside myself that only I could work out inside myself.
My feelings were like dark glasses that colored everything I do. That is what prompted me to begin training in mindfulness and exercise because they both help me to take off the dark glasses and then I am ready to begin the work at hand. Then the outer problems actually can be dealt with.
There are no easy answers, but I have found the outer problems are so much more manageable when I have come to terms with the inner challenges we all face.
Thank you for your candid and compassionate reaching out to find common ground and resolution. I respect you and your efforts.
@Anomalia This post is wonderful and so encouraging. Thanks so much for trying to create a positive atmosphere. I encourage you all to reach out to me as well via pm. It makes me sad that anyone feels not heard or valued. We are all in this together. I think sometimes we can get lost in all the extras of the site and loose the passion we had as a listener when we first started. I have struggled with this as well. I have stepped back, stopped comparing myself to others and what they are doing. I'm trying to do the best I can and regain that passion I had when I first started as a listener. I feel so greatful to each of you for all that you have done on the site. I wish you all a wonderful week and journey with the site.
@GlenM I am so happy to see this post and I agree whole heartedly that the negativity here has gotten way out of hand. I was in the process of writing a post that reflects much of what you have said here. The negativity in the forums is getting out of hand. I believe everyone needs to take responsibility for themselves and if they aren't happy or need self care or whatever it is they are upset about, either do something to create the change they want to see or move on because this negativity is neither helpful or constructive!
Another point I feel is important here, is when there is rapid growth like we are experiencing here at 7 cups it makes it difficult to keep up with. Therefore sometimes it takes time to overcome the growing pains and this can reflect on our community in negative ways for a short time. People begin getting upset and frustrated but given time and patience this too will work itself out. My observations on having been here for around 15-16 months now is many of these issues tend to be cyclic. Most especially the ones I have come across in the listener chatrooms where I've dedicated a large amount of my time as peer support and mod/mentor.
I totally believe In free speech and personally love that the leadership model here does rely very much on the opinions of our listeners and mentors, the people who are working everyday with our members/guests and listeners to make this place better and better. I honestly believe there comes a time when "constructive criticism" turns into destructive negativity and it does nothing to help this community, it actually does the opposite and works to pull our community apart, like it is right now!
Are we perfect, no! Do we have things we can improve on, of course we do! I can sit here and write about a lot of things that have troubled me. But doing it in the way it's being done right now is neither productive nor helpful. Thank you again for this Glen. This negativity is really upsetting a lot of people in this community and I hope we can do something to bring our community back together by having a constructive dialogue and end all of this destructive communication, so we can move forward as the loving supportive community I know and love!💞
Hi all, I know I just posted, but I have one thing I would like to add.
I have spent the last hour taking myself out of listener forums and refocusing myself in the member support forums, responding to members reaching out, and I honestly feel better and more hopeful than I have the last few days.
I think all of the conversations happening here are really important and hopefully will lead to some really positive growth, so I don't discourage you from continuing to think about these things, but if it feels like too much and you need a break, I think taking a step back to the member side to recenter yourself and remind yourself of the common goal we all share here in supporting those members is really helpful. Coming back from that refreshed may help us all see through some of the disagreements and into the direction of how we actually move forward.
And, of course, taking proper self-care away from the site as needed, as well. You are important and you need to do what is best for you and show yourself the love and compassion you show to others each and every day.
Just my two cents! (Getting close to a nickel with my thoughts before. :) )
Just wanted to send lots of love and hugs your way beautiful @Anomalia keep being amazing always and although replies right now will undoubtedly be delayed remember my inbox is always open to you too <3
@Anomalia
Thank you for sharing this and giving ME a gentla reminder. I like supporting the members, idk I cant really explain it. Just makes me feel really good and keeps me in perspective
Those of you who know me know that I don't like making long involved posts on topics like this. Nothing I ever type up feels adequate but I guess I can try.
I feel like I missed out on something big. Last week I was chatting with many listeners as per usual - today everyone is fighting and deactivating. I don't know why everyone is leaving in droves. It's like one person gets upset (often times for a mix of valid and possibly invalid reasons) and decides to leave our community. It is sad, but ultimately their decision, so I put them in my heart and push past it to continue helping others and building up this site. For others though, seeing someone leave makes them re-evaluate why they're on the site and if they enjoy it anymore. While this is probably a good process for everyone to go through, I wish their final conclusion was different.
I don't know if any of you will believe me when I say this - but I've tried to stay out of politics as much as possible on here. Maybe that's why I avoid threads like this and don't initiate a lot of listener-listener connections. It hurts when someone you care about leaves, and it hurts me when there's what seems to be a mass exodus on here. Please don't mistake my lack of long forum posts as a lack of caring.
I'm not really sure what else to say other then I tend to do better in pms regarding these matters than the forums, but I'd be lying if I told you I want to talk about them at this moment. Still, I do care and my pms are always open (it just might take a bit for me to respond depending on what's going on in my offline life)
All the best,
~MonBon
I'm going to start this off by saying, disclaimer: I don't know much of what's going on in the listener community, especially the adult side. 
I don't know all the dialogue going on about these problems or recent events, apparently there have been people leaving.
Personally, I feel there is a lot that is 'wrong' with 7 Cups, or with more 'positive' wording, a lot that could be better. Honestly one of the most puzzling aspects, at least to me, is whether 7 Cups operates on a business model or a democratic model. I don't mean economically or anything, but whether the chain of command is meant to be followed, with different rights and responsibilities given to different tiers of the hierachy, or whether all voices in the community are truly given a voice.
I don't espouse either as bad or good. But right now, I feel like there's been a muddling, with an attempt to crush together a 'top down' and a 'bottoms up' model into one, ineffectively. I think the issue with saying all suggestions/etc. are taken into account, is that people are expecting immediate results, possibly in line with what they feel the majority/best option is. But realistically, that's not actually happening. People in different positions, especially 'higher' up, *do* have more authority, and more ability to bring about change, especially in practical details like the site UI and far-reaching projects such as AL 1/2/training. Not every suggestion can actually be used, and because of that pick and choose, I imagine there are people who are frustrated that changes which they felt were important weren't implemented, especially if that change seemed to have been passed over multiple times. From what I see, there are a few selected people, not all, who *are* choosing what the next option is, what step 7 Cups should take next, as they believe is best, and I think trying to complete remove all traces of an "us vs them" idea is impossible for that reason. Of course that idea shouldn't be used as a basis for hostility, but systematically, it is undeniably there. It is even *necessary* as times, but I hope that that is not something that is either misrepresented or misunderstood. Eg. On the newspaper staff, it could be possible for the editors and writers to work together really well and trust each other wholeheartedly, but that doesn't mean there isn't an inherent disproportion of different powers and responsibilities.
Also, some issues I find notable, as in I've seen them brought up ever since I first joined, are better listener training (for how listeners should deal with abusive/difficult chats, then listener quality, and now for self care) and a need for listeners to focus less on: reviews/compassion hearts/cheers/projects. I think it's funny really, how some issues simply persist, even if in a different form. Because of how persistant they are, I don't think it's anybody's fault, or any one person/group/aspect of this site. I know in the past measures have been taken to try and solve those problems (the initiative to connect all new listeners with mentors, limiting the maximum daily amount of compassion hearts received from an individual to 10 to try and decrease competition, the new pop-up when 500 messages have been sent, etc. though how effective they are is of course unclear). But what I think is the most important take-away from that is these problems cannot be immediately solved and cannot be solved by only tackling it from one direction, and it is unrealistic to expect or say that could happen. Eg. I believe the 500-messages pop up could be helpful in reminding listeners to practice self care, but that certainly does't mean all listeners will take a break, for many, many varied reasons. Only addressing the problem of lack of self care from one angle won't result in the most effective results.
Here're my thoughts. <3 I think they're completely neutral, not positive or negative. Tbh, I think that's what we should aim for. I hope that we can all openly acknowledge the complexity of situations arising on 7 Cups, especially when 7 Cups is such a human site. One of our goals, apparently, is to create a safe haven. That's really unprecedented, especially on such a large scale. Businesses can work well on a large scale because authority and a chain of command is established, and emotions and personal feelings and the messy side of human nature can be mostly ignored. That can't be done here. Everything's not always going to be nice or going well or all happy. That doesn't happen anywhere else anyway, but in a place where people feel like they have a personal stake in the game, and there are high expectations and personal desires for the direction of this site being brought in? I don't think it's really surprising that people have been upset, even if it's sometimes expressed inappropriately. XD It doesn't make it right, necessarily, but I think it's understandable, and furthermore think that few people are only out to lash out without any thoughts of making things better.
I hope we'll all be firm where needed, but only take drastic action where Intent to hurt exists. I hope likewise that we will have a goal to head towards, because I've noticed we have a bunch of different initiatives and ideas and problems to be solved going on, and personally I feel everyone's scattered in every direction. Personally, I have not seen a true unity in the 7 Cups community, and I think that's not because the energy isn't there, but because the goal is confused.
I personally remain on 7 Cups for the members. I've always thought that was the point of being a listener. I know that people can fit into different roles on here, which should theoretically all help bring us closer to the ideal. But at this point, what really is 7 Cups's goal?
I like @GlenM 's 5 Principles of 7 Cups. I do think though that some ideas have been floating around a lot for a long time, about a worldwide haven of compassion, etc. but I personally am not sure what that means, practically. I'm also not sure how many people see 7 Cups as so. I admittedly don't, not in its current stage. I think it's come a good way, but also has a long way to go to reach anything resembling the ideal.
Which only makes it more complicated, when I wonder what 7 Cups's ideal is, not any single person's, but the entire community's. I wouldn't be able to answer it. I think it's almost silly, but definitely concerning, if there isn't a clear answer to such a basic question. Again, it's not an answer from one person or a few, but an answer from the entire community involved.
I'd love to know the answer. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see it. I'd hope we could all come together to decide on one.
@guidingMusic this is really, really, good. You've hit the nail on the head in a number of ways. I'm working on a transparency post for next week that will address much of this more in-depth, but let me share some of the ideas here because you bring them up.
Let me start with the mission/goal. You can also find this here:
http://www.7cups.com/forum/GlensNook_84/OurVisionforaBetterWorld_334/OurMission_18219/1/
Our Mission:
7 Cups of Tea is for anyone who wants to live in a world where the human experience is free from stigma and stereotypes and rich with love and support. A world where all 7 billion of us can grow and feel like we truly belong.
We believe that each one of us is inherently valuable. We do not measure people based on where they are from, what they look like, or what position they hold. We recognize that people make sense in the larger story of their lives. We understand that people are complicated and that life is not simple or easy.
We are all on the same path. Some of us are just starting out. Others are further down the road. No matter where we are, being kind, compassionate, and accepting of one another enables us all to grow.
We do not tolerate people being mean, harmful, or rejecting of others. We do not judge or look down on people.
Although there are forces that tend to disempower and create division, we stand together as we compassionately care for and champion one another. We see our differences as a strength. We are united in our shared goal of creating a place where all can find acceptance and be welcomed to a home where we all belong.
Our Goal: We are living in a world with an immense love deficit, which means that none of us is receiving the love we need to reach our true potential, to truly thrive. Our goal is to build a support system, a web, that can hold every member of our world. We believe that we can fill that love-gap for every person in the world, either because they are an active member of our community or because they are touched personally by someone who has been empowered by 7 Cups of Tea. We will reach this goal when we provide 100 million positive and supportive conversations each and every week.
We've got a good video up on this on our about page, we talk about our values, and we discuss the principles as well.
Do you think the above is clear? If yes, then it comes down to showing it in more places. From what I can tell, I think everyone in the communty is on board with this mission/goal.
To your bottom up vs. top down point, for the first couple of years we were really aligned on most things. Yes, things took longer to do than people liked, but for the most part I think we were all mostly happy. We deliberately invested our first 2.5 years into figuring out how to scale compassion because that, to me, was the most important thing to figure out. That is what is really amazing about 7 cups.
The bottom up piece is even stronger because I believe that there is huge wisdom in the bottom up process. Yes, 7 Cups has a lot that could be better about it for sure. I agree with you, but, also, we have done some remarkable things together - indeed really figured out new and innovative practices - because we have collaborated through this collective trial and error process. We would have never got to where we are now if we had relied upon a top down process. I'm nowhere near smart enough. The team is packed with brilliant folks, but they are also nowhere near smart enough. We never would have made it here.
The tension, in my opinion, between staff and community, or top down vs. bottom up, started when we had to start transitioning towards sustainability. Ultimately, if we want 7 Cups to continue, we need to reach sustainability. Without long-term sustainability, there is no 7 Cups. Product and community enhancements are still important to us, but we could no longer dedicate 100% of our resources to these. We also had to think seriously about doing work on items that bring in income. People, many passionate users, became increasingly frustrated with us. This is my fault. I posted 3 or 4 times about the need for us to be sustainable, but I never really let the community own it as a problem. I felt bad and, still on some level, continue to feel bad about it. I wish I could just figure it out on my own, but, increasinly, it is becoming clear to me that - just like all the other problems we solve on 7 cups - this, too, is a problem that we are going to have to collectively solve. I can't do it on my own. I don't even think I'm meant to do it on my own. It is probably going to be a problem that we'll end up solving that will make 7 Cups even more amazing and magical. That is at least my hope.
All of this leads to transparency. I was talking with the mentors yesterday and this was the main theme that came up in my discussion with them. There is a real desire for more transparency. Part of that involves the finances, part of that involves the product roadmap etc. Well, that is where we are going to go. I'm going to write a post up next week that outlines all of these items. I'd do it sooner, but I want to give us a breather to process the challenges we are still currently processing. I'm also pretty exhausted right now and I imagine a few of you are also pretty tired.
One of my favorite Carl Jung quotes is, "The only way out is through." Can we make it through to the other side? I think so, but we have to all be aligned and, I've recently learned, that will involve transparency on my part if we want to make a real run at it.
@GlenM
Yes, that 'mission statement' is clear to me, and I have seen it many times before. I do think, however, that that's not always clear, or practiced in what people say or seem to believe. There are too many variants of this message. Which is why I wonder what the community's ideal actually is.
But anyway I personally appreciate your acknowledgement that you don't believe 7 Cups could have gotten to where it is without the community.
I think sustainability not having been seen as a goal that's paramount for the community could be a problem, but not the largest.
I understand that you have the largest stake in 7 Cups of us all, as the person who started-up this endeavor, and has verily poured in the most time and effort, made the largest personal sacrifices, given up time spent with your family, and risked your money investing in this.
But please, don't forget what you owe us, and that we also have our investments in this community. You said that you wished you could figure this out by yourself, but it was increasingly becoming clear to you that you couldn't do this on your own. That maybe you weren't even meant to do it on your own.
If this is a problem for us to collectively solve, there needs to be an 'us'. I will be bold by saying that I feel the onus for that lies on the site's leaders, to affirm that there is an 'us'.
We are not here to tear this site down. People are not voicing their complaints to try and destroy everything that has been built. I feel there is no danger in acknowledging the veracity of the 'negative', the discontent that's arose from many factors but can easily become only temporary.
I have faith 7 Cups can be great. And the leaders we have are a crucial part of this goal, of determining what direction we head towards.
And I think that is your choice, to decide what model you actually believe in 'top down', 'bottom up', whatever, to communicate that, and to be consistent. 7 Cups would not exist without you, Glen, having created it. But it is also up to you to decide if you, and the admin, need us.
Thank you for reading. I'm glad you could have felt I'd made points you could agree with
@guidingMusic
This is really well written and insightful. Thank you
@guidingMusic you bring up many valid questions and I am encouraged to know what is going on in people's minds and hearts. I am not an insider or leader. I am mainly a listener who also answers forum posts and does 1-1 chats. The chat support rooms have always had a wild west feel and my attempts to feel healing there have come up short.
To me the most unique thing about 7cups is the one to one chat. You wrote so beautifully "I personally remain on 7 Cups for the members. I've always thought that was the point of being a listener. I know that people can fit into different roles on here, which should theoretically all help bring us closer to the ideal."
That to me is the essence of 7CUPS to help the members. And I also appreciate the self help guides. And I appreciate the thoughtful posts.
One of the biggest problem is the size of 7cups. I heard there were an incredibly large number of listeners at 7CUPS. I cannot even sit down with myself and 3 family members and agree on anything. This to me is an indication of how difficult it is to steer this super supersized ship called 7CUPS.
For me, the frustration level lowers as I pay more attention to do doing my job as a listener and spend less time trying to get people to make 7CUPS the way I envision it. So I am lowering my expectations of 7CUPS being an ideal place and focusing on how I can help people find healing and support for members and myself at 7CUPS.
In the hard world of business, taking my personal self out of the situation has allowed me to cope with the business world without getting drawn into the infighting that goes on there. If we can find a way to separate our personal hopes, wants and desires from our day to day work at 7CUPS, we might find our own frustrations diminishing.
I am old. I jokingly tell people the day before I was born they invented dirt. LOL. But in the final phases of life the personal striving for a utopian vision takes a back seat to finding a connection to here and now. Waking up every day is a thrill. Helping another person is a joy. I do not deny that things could be different and maybe I do not agree with everything that happens.
To me it comes down to finding common ground, the goals we share in common. Finding the goals that Glen mentions in this thread and finding how we can live those in our life. I have never found one organization that fulfilled all my needs. Maybe people need other outlets. I would offer that as an alternative to thinking it is 7CUPS and my way or the highway. We can help people. To me that is a worthy goal and a reason to try and make peace about some of the issues and help people here at 7cups.
@GlenM
I have been thinking about posting this here for days. But I believe it has a purpose here. Please before you just read through and heart it or say whatever it is you want, HAVE AN OPEN MIND. Be mindful of what Im sharing here.
7cups and A 200 old Tree
Imagine this beautiful big old tree. It has big colorful leaves, limbs are thick and long. The trunk is wide and rooted from its long life. It has plenty of space to grow as it needs to and enjoy the elements of mother nature.
Now lets focus on the roots. Of course there are many of them growing so long and deep in the rich soil, nurtured and always getting enough water. And then there are all the little roots being created trying to follow the big roots thriving. The little ones are trying so hard to grow and follow a good path in the soil so they to can become big strong roots. But they can't. They are having a hard time being fed the rich nurishments the soul has to offer. So they can not offer this big old tree nurishment to fully be a beautiful tree. So some of them might die......
Ok now see how 7cups is. It is of course Glens dream. Well Glen can not run 7cups all by himself. So he like the roots have several people along his side to help. Ok great we now have the foundation. Well now comes the mentors, the listeners, the mods, the ambassators, peer supports. These of course are the limbs. These limbs give the tree a form and definition of what the tree will look like. The limbs only can mature and grow from the nutritions given from the roots. So the mods, listers, peer support amd ambassadors have rules and expectations from Glen, Laura,Heather and Lara have thought out and saw ideas that would make 7cups thrive. Ok so now the leaves. The leaves of course are the members and guests. Oh how beautiful the leaves can make the tree look. Its so full and colorful. These leaves give the tree volume and diversity. Every leaf is made unique. But the leaves of course have to follow the limbs, the trunk and the roots.
I hope you are following still.
Ok so we know we have this beautiful 200 year old tree. Beautiful it is!!! But if you look closely you can observe in many ares of the tree the leaves are not green and big. They are dying and falling. This is due to the limbs also not getting enough nutriunts up the trunk from the roots. Remember the roots are Glen,Laura,Heather and Lara. The trunk is the Communication to the limbs which are mentors,peer support,ambassadors and mods. If the roots aren't giving propper nutrients which are feedback,support,clear communication,accessibility then the limbs and leaves cannot flourish. You now see this tree which from a distance seems to look very big and beautiful. Same as looking into 7cups. On the outside 7cups looks very supportive and willing to help many here and many to come. But is that really a true view? How long can a tree sustain not getting propper nutrients? How long before you discover there is rot in your tree, simply cause the roots cannot give all the tree needs.......
7cups isn't run by 4 people.It needs others to thrive. It needs confident, rliable,trustworthy,empathetic,understanding people who are mods,listeners,ambassadors,peer support who can support the members and guests. Which are the leaves that make the tree so big and beautiful.
What do you think could make this beautiful thriving colorful tree continue to thrive and grow?
@wonderfulolive, I really love this image. It feels inclusive and like it helps understand some of our challenges as we grow, in an organic way that makes a lot of sense to me.
I'm going to spend some time dwelling on your metaphor and thinking about how it applies to me.
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
Krink thank you. I was really nervous writing this, wondering will people REALLY see the meaning here. I was not focusing on 7cups mission or rules. Maybe I should have but decided not to. I wanted people just to see how working together will make 7cups trive and trully become what Glen, Laura,Heather and Lara wanted from it. I wasnt focusing on the politics or the "toxic or virus" part of it. Although I do feel those are wrong words but I understand them and how they can trully spread.
Im a bit flustered cause of all the negitivity and for people leaving here and the dominoe affect it has taken here, Im flustered at peoples positions being abused or manipulating, Im flustered by the lack of communication here and only communicating to the higher up people who are involved in certain programs here.
Ok that being said Im still positive and bring positiveness into the rooms as a member more then a listener. For fear of being trolled. I take on Glens dream and the mission statement as well as the rules. I love my place her in the discussions Im in. So please know I am not unhappy here.
But I too see issues and try hard to get clarity with several of the upper people here. I am not satisfied with the 2 word replies or the jelly bean taste I feel they give. BUT I still understand and feel they know my concerns and know where my heart and motivations are.
Again I hope this visual I put out really brings a differant view to whats going on here at 7cups.
@RumpleSteeleSkin - I still find this to me a compelling and helpful image to contemplate
@wonderfulolive, Like what Krink said, I need to stew on this more as well. From my perspective, I launched 7 cups but it has become way better and way different than what I imagined. I'm not sure what it'll end up looking like. I think more transparency from me is needed to help it grow further and heal. I also think we'll figure out better structures that provide additional support/help/health for the community. We don't really have it anywhere close to being figured out. Also, I think there are a lot more roots now. I think the spread far and wide. My root system if you will may still be the strongest, but, utlimately, I'd like to see that limited and other root systems become stronger.
@GlenM
EXACTLY!!!!!!
@GlenM
psssst Glen rolling down memory lane. So how is "your tree" doing? I see it thriving, growing, producing all kinds of fruit from the leaders and community. 
@wonderfulolive
Uour anlogy of the tree reminded me of a Talmudic story about trees and investing in community
An old man was planting a tree. A young person passed by and asked, What are you planting?
A carob tree, the old man replied.
Silly fool, said the youth. Don't you know that it takes 30 years for a carob tree to bear fruit?
That's okay, said the old man. Just as others planted for me, I plant for future generations.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
I took time reading this post, and I just want to say that it is really insightful and a very illustrative way to project the image of how 7 cups works. I agree that this community cannot be run by only four people. A tree has many roots