SHA #3: Role of Acceptance & Validation
Hello SH Warriors,
Group Support organizing the month of Self-Harm Awareness Week, the focus will be on discussing general awareness, and support, and celebrating milestones and small steps. This will be an opportunity for all of us to come together and extend our support and compassion to all who struggling with self-harm. In the last two posts, we discussed: Do you think self-harm defines you? and "Safe Plan" for people with self-harm issue
In this post, I want to discuss the role of acceptance and validation. Self-harm is a complex issue, and there's not a single cause. It isn't about seeking attention. It is a way to manage intense emotions like anxiety, anger, or sadness. When those emotions feel overwhelming, self-harm can provide a temporary release, even if it's through pain. But, lack of acceptance and validation can be a significant contributing factor.
Imagine a teen who is constantly bullied for their identity. It will make them feel isolated and unheard. Lack of acceptance and validation may turn to self-harm because:
- They feel like no one understands their pain (lack of validation).
- They believe they deserve the pain because they are being bullied (low self-esteem).
- They can't find a healthy way to manage their anger and sadness (difficulty regulating emotions).
- Self-harm feels like the only thing they have control over (loss of control).
That means a lack of acceptance and validation can be a significant trigger for self-harm for several reasons:
- It makes one feel isolated and unheard. When someone feels their emotions and experiences aren't accepted or validated, it can lead to isolation and a sense of being misunderstood. This lack of connection can make emotional distress feel overwhelming, and self-harm can become a way to express that pain tangibly.
- One experiences low self-esteem. Constant criticism or feeling like your feelings don't matter can erode self-esteem. This can make one feel worthless and like they don't deserve care. Self-harm can become a way to punish oneself or feel something, even if it's pain.
- It makes it difficult to regulate emotions. Without healthy coping mechanisms, one may struggle to manage intense emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety. Self-harm can become a way to numb those emotions or release tension in a way that feels immediate, even if it's destructive.
- It makes one feel at a loss of control. Feeling like you have no control over your life or your emotions can be incredibly frustrating. Self-harm can be a way to regain a sense of control, even if it's a false sense of control over your own body.
But, acceptance and validation can be powerful ways to overcome self-harm. When someone feels their experiences are acknowledged and their emotions are valid, it can:
- Reduce feelings of isolation and build self-compassion.
- Boost self-esteem and a sense of worth.
- Encourage the development of healthy coping mechanisms for managing emotions.
- Helps one to feel more in control of their life.