Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check-In: Tuesday, June 23rd, 2020
Hihi wonderful people making progress on their recovery journey! Hope I can entertain and intrigue you with todays' questions. And keep in mind that its a new day. Youve got this. Youre starting clean. Look ahead, not behind! Regret cant change the past and anxiety cant change the future (I definitely stole that from some kind of inspirational post). The change you can make is now!
I know schools ending for a lot of people, and that can affect us all in different ways. I hope we have a bit of optimism for the summer. So much time! Learn a new skill, spend time with friends, make some yummy food? Or just chill in bed with Netflix; I understand and respect that. You do you!
Enough of me blabbering, lets get to it! Feel free to answer the check-in questions below:
1. Rant. Give me a paragraph. Imagine that I am a wall. This is a safe space for you, let it out! I promise what youre feeling is valid.
2. Tell me two times today that you refused urges and tried an alternative/distracted yourself. If not, tell me two ways you might do that in the future.
3. Complete the sentence: Spending time with myself helps me _____ and spending time with people I love helps me _____.
4. Tell me one small thing that you are proud of yourself for today.
5. if you could create your own little caution message (and it would be the first thing people would see when they meet you), what would you write? For example, I might write "Warning: dry humour and overly enthusiastic!
Looking forward to hearing from you all! Have a lovely day!
Tagging the community!
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@RiverHudson1
1. Rant. Give me a paragraph. Imagine that I am a wall. This is a safe space for you, let it out! I promise what youre feeling is valid.
I'm just really scared i'm going to relapse, I really didn't think I was going to again but I did. I was having a huge panic attack triggered by verbal abuse from a family member and I was super disaasociative and next thing I know I did it. I just couldn't believe I did it after 3 years of being clean and I HATE the way that they look I hope they heal fast. I've been feeling down lately over my family situation I moved away to catch a break and I can't.
2. Tell me two times today that you refused urges and tried an alternative/distracted yourself. If not, tell me two ways you might do that in the future.
I've stopped urges last week by telling myself I'm stronger than this and I don't want to go down this road again, it destroys my mental health. Another time I was at a family members house and tod myself I wasn't going to do it there, just something till the felling passed.
3. Complete the sentence: Spending time with myself helps me _____ and spending time with people I love helps me _____.
Time with myself helps me reset after being social for too long and get in touch with myself. With peple I love helps me have fun let loose and relax.
4. Tell me one small thing that you are proud of yourself for today.
I actually took my dog out on my own the morning instead of my husband I feel like I ask him to do too much.
5. if you could create your own little caution message (and it would be the first thing people would see when they meet you), what would you write? For example, I might write "Warning: dry humour and overly enthusiastic!
Warning: socially awkward but a very loyal friend, super shy at first then silly when you get to know me.
@itidc
Hi there ! :)
Being scared about relapse is something I can relate to. I'm sorry to hear about your panic attack and the abuse, I wish you all the best in the future. Hopefully you'll be able to take some time to heal and walk along your road to recovery. You seem to be a very strong person. I mean being clean for 3 years takes a lot of willpower. I'm proud of you ! I understand that your relapse may seem like you're starting over again but just hang in there. You've got this! If need be we're all here with you <3
You are stronger than this. I'm happy to read that you managed to power through those difficult times. I hope it gets easier as you go along !
Walking your dog sounds nice ! I like going outside to get some fresh air. Sometimes it helps clear the mind of all the thoughts. I understand the feeling of being a burden to the people around us.
Oooh another socially awkward person ! Nice to meet you :) I'm sooo bad with social interactions ... Loyal friends are hard to find these days, stick to it :) I hope people will realize how lucky they are to see your silly side !
Take care <3
@Slizzy564
Thank you so much I was actually clean for 4 years then I relapsed then I was clean for another 3 years and I'm hoping now I don't relapse again. Man I love it here I moved to France half a year ago from the USA and it's so beautiful and amazing here. My dog's my little spoiled baby I want a kid but I'm not ready so he's my kid lol! I'm sorry you understand my feelings I wish you didn't honestly it's a terrible feeling. Nice to meet you too and I will. You too and I hope you have a wonderful day.
@itidc
That's so good ! Keep up the good work, I'm sure it'll work out in the end ;)
Oh I live in France too !! Where are you ? And yeah it's good isn't it ? :) I suppose it's a big difference from the USA !
Oh trust me I have a cat and she's spoiled too ! Animals are such good companions :)
@Slizzy564
@Slizzy564
Thank you so so so much!!! I live in Paris and you? super different especially because I'm from a super small town. Oh yes they are I love animals so much!!!!
@itidc
You're welcome but honestly thank yourself, you're the one who did all this amazing stuff not me ;)
Oh I live in Chateauroux, a small town in the center of France, at the south of Orléans :) I could imagine it being a big change !
@itidc
I'm so sorry for your relapse. That is the worst. But can I tell you how inspiring you are for staying strong for so long. Going that long seems like a dream for me, so I really admire you.
Im sorry about the abuse too. You are such a wonderful person. You definitely don't deserve it.
The self-loathing and shame afterward is the worst. hugs. I hope you found a way to do some self-care afterward.
Like River said, that's done. Keep moving forward.
akso, please tell me about your puppy
@FigureskatingEquestrian
It's okay I'm getting through it and that's all that matters. I hope you are doing good on your recoery as well, sending lots of positive vibes your way. It's really tough but after 1 year for me the urges were just like a thought tht I could easily ignore. I did I've been putting myself first which is quite hqrd since I've been putting everyone else first. Gladly! He's my little baby! His name is Auggie he's born in August that's how he got his name, hes 3 years old. He's my emotional support dog he goes almost everywhere with me. He's around 10 pounds and a mini pin, chihuahau, weenie dog mix! His colors are super pretty hes a grey color with orange around his mouth and a white tummy with big bat ears! We call him aug dog, bat dog, and chicken wing.
@itidc
Hihi! Hope you're having a lovely day!
Wow, I really related to that rant. I know how terrifying the prospect of relapsing is after being clean for so long. It can feel a little disappointing and frustrating, yeah? Like, you were clean for so long but at the end of the day, you resorted to self-harm. I am so sorry that you have to deal with abuse. There are no words to express the effect it has on us. I'm sending you love, hugs, and ice cream. You have survived this far. you are strong. Panic attacks are the absolute worst, I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that. I know when we escape a toxic environment, we think "okay, I'll be okay now, I can do this. I'm safe." but we don't take into account that we have trauma that we now need to cope with. The healing process has just began. Best wishes from me!
Affirming is great! So glad that worked for you. You are so much stronger than this. Three years? I really did a double-take. You're doing amazing! And toughing through the moment is also an effective technique. We often self-harm when we're feeling that overwhelming jumble of emotions but just gritting your teeth and riding that high takes so much courage and strength. What's your secret? Is it extra veggies?
Yes, spending time with ourselves can help us recharge! Thank you for mentioning that. And spending time with others can definitely allow us to have fun and let loose!
Whoa, that's pretty cool! Aww a doggo. Dogs are adorable. But yes, I do understand that feeling of being a burden. I think we've all experienced it at some point in time. You're not alone. I'm proud of you for doing this!
Socially awkward, eh? I get that. Loyalty is such a great trait to have. it's highly valued. First impressions can be tricky! Shy then silly sounds like a great combo. I can imagine how lucky your friends are to have you.
Thank you so much for checking in! Take care!
@RiverHudson1
Hi! I hope your having an amazing day as well, sending positive vibes your way! I'm sorry you related to it I wish you didn't it's an awful feeling. It's okay I'm getting through it and thank you so much! That's very true and I can't remember my past just all the bad things and my family denies anything bad ever happened recently. Well I do love veggies lol! Thank you so so so so much! after awhile the urges are just a small passing thought so it really does get better. Thank you so much for your kind word you take care too.
@RiverHudson1
1. Rant. Give me a paragraph. Imagine that I am a wall. This is a safe space for you, let it out! I promise what youre feeling is valid.
I have that second recovery picture on my mirror! I absolutely love it. My only rant today is about how amazing recovery is. Recovery is being able to healthily cope with emotions and enjoy the beach because your SH scars have become neutral, not something you fear about yourself. It's being able to say you've gone days, weeks, months, years without self-harming and being proud of that fact, rather than immediately fearing going back to day zero. Recovery is feeling confident in yourself. Recovery is living.
@Benny0 Maybe this is a message you can read
2. Tell me two times today that you refused urges and tried an alternative/distracted yourself. If not, tell me two ways you might do that in the future.
I haven't had those times today, but in the past I have tried the app CalmHarm. I really needed a release of emotions so I tried doing progressive muscle relaxation and that actually helped a lot! Another time I just laid on a fuzzy rug and cried because sometimes that's just what you gotta do 🤷♀️
3. Complete the sentence: Spending time with myself helps me understand myself and spending time with people I love helps me enjoy life.
4. Tell me one small thing that you are proud of yourself for today.
I'm proud of myself for talking honestly to my psychiatrist!
5. if you could create your own little caution message (and it would be the first thing people would see when they meet you), what would you write? For example, I might write "Warning: dry humour and overly enthusiastic!
"Warning: I love my dog more than I'll love you"
@24Help1
Hi there !
I love your thoughts on recovery. Just reading your little paragraph brought a smile to my face, thanks for that !
And I agree with you, sometimes you do what you've gotta do :)
I really like your sentence. Understanding ourselves takes a lot of time. And enjoying life with others sounds so nice.
Well done for talking with your psychiatrist :)
I love your warning ! It made me laugh :)
Take care !
@24Help1
Yoyr warning is the best. Can you tell me about your dog.
And your recovery post. All the tears. That is so beautiful. I want to print it out someday and hang it up as motivation!
@24Help1
Hihi Mary! Hope you're having an amazing day!
Love that message! Recovery is making progress, recovery has setbacks, recovery is accepting all of that!
CalmHarm? Haven't heard of that! Downloading it now. I will update you on how it goes. Thank you so much for sharing! And I agree, sometimes you just have to cry. That's our natural way of coping with overwhelming emotions, and crying is completely okay.
Spending time with ourselves does indeed help us understand ourselves! We get to bond with ourselves, in a way. And I like that you wrote that spending time with loved ones helps you enjoy life! That's great.
Whoa, talking honestly to your psychiatrist. That's amazing! It takes a lot of courage.
Hah, that made me laugh. I know you're definitely not joking!
Thank you for checking in, and I'm so glad to hear you're doing well! Take care!
@RiverHudson1
I too know I am not joking about my love for Annie! Calmharm is great, I hope you have good results :P
@RiverHudson1
Hi there ! Thanks for the post. As much as I know that regret can't change the past, I'm still working on the fact that anxiety can't change the future. Small steps, small steps :)
Question time !
1. Rant.
Honestly I don't much to rant about. I don't want to talk about the past couple of days that haven't been so good. I'm in a good place now so let's make the most of it. So random topic time : last night I was searching star projectors. They look so cool and I really like looking at the stars. I thought it could be something cool in my bedroom. But at the same time, I thought maybe some kind of video projector could do the job. I don't know. I mean obviously they're very different. The star projector is more of a 360 experience but with the video projector I could put on any type of video, star gazing stuff but also like a walk through the forest or a day at the beach. I'm looking it up. It might be a waste of money but hey it'll make me happy !
2. Urges. No urges today. I don't really do well with distractions, music helps a lot though.
3. Spending time with myself helps me breath and spending time with people I love helps me smile.
4. Tell me one small thing that you are proud of yourself for today. Hum, I succeded in a task at work.
5. My own little caution message : "Warning, once you get to know me, I might seem very different"
Thanks for the check in, take care <3
@Slizzy564
i love reading your replies to others. You are so generous!!
I think you should get one. You could fall asleep under the stars all the kind. Sounds sooo cool!
just really wanting to thank you for all your kindness.
@FigureskatingEquestrian
Thank you so much, that's really sweet of you <3
They look sooo cool ! For the star projector I was thinking that I could probably make one myself, it's not that hard, it would probably save money and it'd be unique !
You're pretty active on the forum also, thank you for your time and kindness <3
@Slizzy564
Hihi! Small steps indeed! Glad to know you recognize that anxiety can't change the future (though I know that anxiety is something we all have to deal with regardless of that fact).
Love that you're looking on the positive side! Thank you for sharing that positivity with us. Know that we are here during your bad days if you need! On to the lovely topic: star projectors? That sounds so cool, whoa! I had to google it. If it makes you happy, does not sound like a waste of money to me! Sounds peaceful and creative. I hope you manage to buy it and enjoy it. Like Figure said, you could fall asleep under the stars! How cool would that be?
Glad to hear no urges today! Off to a good start, eh? And yeah, music helps me as well! Glad you can benefit from it. Who are some of your favourite musicians/bands?
I get what you mean by spending time with yourself helps you breathe! It can definitely help to take a step back and just breathe. Aww, it made me smile when I read that last bit. Spending time with those we love and who love us can definitely make us very smiley!
Ooh, great job! Hope that task went well!
Heh, once more, those first impressions! I'm sure you're very different once people get to know you.
Thank you so much for checking in, take care!!
@RiverHudson1
Rant. Give me a paragraph. Imagine that I am a wall. This is a safe space for you, let it out! I promise what youre feeling is valid.
Honestly, im okay with relapsing. I've onlt been cutting for a year starting on June 23rd, but it helps way more than id like to admit. No one cares or knows if i self harm, so i dont see the point in stopping. Ive been clean for at least a week, but it's not because i am actively striving to get better. I just havent wanted to yet. Ive always thought of scars as tattoos: no one cares as long as its not on your face and easy to cover up. What i dont like about cutting though is everyone thinks it's for attention. No matter who says that they understand, if they havent experienced it, the thought that im doing it for attention is always in the backs of their minds.
2. Tell me two times today that you refused urges and tried an alternative/distracted yourself. If not, tell me two ways you might do that in the future.
I dont really resist urges (which is bad, i know). But before ive tried drawing on my shin with red marker (which helped) and scratching (which im aware isnt much better).
3. Complete the sentence: Spending time with myself helps me _____ and spending time with people I love helps me _____.
Sort things out; forget
4. Tell me one small thing that you are proud of yourself for today.
Im on this site <3
5. if you could create your own little caution message (and it would be the first thing people would see when they meet you), what would you write? For example, I might write "Warning: dry humour and overly enthusiastic!
Warning: isolating tendencies and needy '-_-
@limegreenShip7680
i hear you not being ready to stop. I feel that too. I also sometimes wonder why it matters if it's only hurting me. But the truth is, it hurts those who love you. i night try your marker idea. Sounds good.
And it's definitely NOT for attention. You are so right. In fact, I want to hide myself afterward
hang in there. Glad you are here too!
@limegreenShip7680
Hi there :)
I get you being comfortable with relapse, I can relate to that. I also think of scars as tattoos, it's comforting to know that someone else sees it the same way. But yeah people do often think it's for the attention. And I do agree that a lot of people don't really understand what SH is like if they haven't been through it.
I wouldn't say that not resisting urges is bad. I see it more as choosing your battles. Sometimes it's just too painful to resist and that's okay. With time maybe you can find alternatives that work for you.
I'm also pround of you for being here <3
Oh I relate to your warning ! Just so you know, I do enjoy needy people :)
Take care <3
1. I had a long paragraph but I think this is better: I'm no longer actively giving my energy to undeserving people. Still, I can make my time here less miserable. I can strengthen myself from this and sure abusers might claim credit for my strength but I know the truth. I also know their patterns so I can protect myself. Knowledge is power. Their domestic abuse simply isn't
2. In the morning and about an hour ago. Both times I went for an indoor walk on the treadmill instead
4. Exercising
5. "Warning: if you speak to me in person, I might say 10 words in our whole conversation. If you text me, I send paragraphs.
@Lexloveslife
I'm sorry you are also experiencing abuse. You are so strong and brave. Be as safe as you can!
yes! Exercise is the best distraction technique.
and I love your warning. So relatable.
@Lexloveslife
Hi there :)
I love the fact that you're saving your energy for more psitive things, that's great ! Nobody can claim your strength as their own. You're truely a strong person for going through all this, I hope things work out for you <3
Exercise is great ! Keep up the good work :)
I love your warning. It's good to hear that you can express yourself more freeely by writing things down. Keep sending those paragraphs, I'm sure people enjoy them.
Take care <3
@RiverHudson1
These questions are amazing! Thank you for creating them!
1. It hurts. Being abused ruins everything. The physical pain. The Psychological games. The confidence destroyed. Sometimes SH seems better than dealing with the pain and panicking. Im tired of being broken. I feel so trapped.
And never judge people by their scars. Yesterday the drive through lady asked nosy questions about my cuts. She wouldn't stop. And ended with "those look awful". I hate the stares. I hate the mean comments.
But I have this unwavering hope that it gets better. I'm not giving up. I found some people to trust to get through. And that is enough. Also, focusing all your time and energy on others helps
2. Truly seeing and helping someone. Exercise. Yoga. Talking to a friend
3. Complete the sentence: Spending time with myself helps me to process and spending time with people I love helps me feel alive and loved.
4. I refused to give in to exhaustion and pushed through some hard stuff in the hospital with my patients
5. Warning: Giant hug enthusiast. Talks a lot. Tons of energy. Loves fiercely
@FigureskatingEquestrian
Hi there :)
I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse and the pain that comes with it. I can understand that it would throw off your confidence and the feeling of being broken. Sending soothing thoughts and hugs your way <3
I also hate the way people see the scars. Most of it comes from misunderstanding and ignorance which isn't an excuse. Before asking nosy questions, people should at least educate themselves. Or ask nicely. Or just not ask at all. I mean everyone is free to do whatever they want with their body ....
Hang on to that hope. I fiercely think that better times wait for us. I'm happy to hear that you've found people who you trust. A good support system can really help us get through darker times ! And yeah giving to others is a very rewarding experience, thank you for giving your time and energy to others <3
What kind of yoga are you doing at the moment ? All these activites seem great :)
I think that time with ourselves is great for processing our thoughts and helps us reflect on our lives. I'm happy to hear that being with others makes you feel alive and loved, that's such a bright and warm way of seeing those relationships.
Good luck with your patients ! I hope you get some time to rest soon.
Ooooh you like hugs, me too !! Though sometimes I'm a bit shy with them. You seem be such a bright person, a little ball of sunshine :)
Take care <3
@Slizzy564
Thank you so much!
@FigureskatingEquestrian
Anytime <3
@FigureskatingEquestrian Hiya! I'm so sorry for the late reply, but I'm here now!
Glad you like the questions. Thank you for responding to them!
I hear you. Abuse is terrible and traumatic on so many levels, that not even we can comprehend and recognize the lasting effects it has on us. Not only the physical pain or short-term emotions that we have to cope with, but also the psychological/mental abuse that changes the way we perceive and react to different situations. We struggle to gain confidence, not only because we're insecure, but also because we struggle to know what healthy confidence looks and feels like. I can see you feel trapped in your own mind, not sure what to do or how to escape. I'm so sorry that you're stuck. I understand that self-harm can feel better than having to ride out those overwhelming emotions, that makes perfect sense. It is a coping mechanism after all, regardless of how unhealthy it is. However, I know you make effort every day, in the small and big things, even if not everyone notices. We recognize and appreciate that effort here, and that's all we ask. You're doing great! And yes, love your optimism! Even one person whom you can trust is sometimes more than enough, and I agree that focusing our energy on others can help us, too.
Ugh, it made me wince just reading that. I can't believe you had to deal with that behaviour, I'm so sorry. That's the last thing you need to hear.
Exercise, yoga, and chatting with a friend all sound like efficient ways to curb urges! And I love "process", that's a great way to explain it, and I'm glad spending time with those you love helps you feel alive.
That does sound tough! I'm proud of you for managing that, must have taken a lot of strength and willpower.
Lol, a hug enthusiast. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your warning label!
Thank you for checking in (and once more, I apologize for the late response)! Take care!
Hello!
1. Rant. Give me a paragraph. Imagine that I am a wall. This is a safe space for you, let it out! I promise what youre feeling is valid.
I hate that I'm so mediocre! I'm just so, so average at everything at all. I feel that when I die, I'll definitely die unremembered, simply because I'm just so plain and boring that I couldn't leave any significant memory behind. I'm not good or bad at school; I practically neither stand out nor blend in - everyone just disregards my presence. I don't have a particular talent, and I'm sure I'm nothing but a waste of space for so many people: I'm not a villain, but not a hero either. Just someone who appears to be here for...nothing?
2. Tell me two times today that you refused urges and tried an alternative/distracted yourself. If not, tell me two ways you might do that in the future.
This may sound silly but when I have the urges, I'd somehow 'force' myself to become 'lazy'. So I'll just 'procrastinate' until the urges subside, lol. At other times when this isn't possible, I'll...sleep. xD
3. Complete the sentence: Spending time with myself helps me breathe and spending time with people I love helps me grow. <3
4. Tell me one small thing that you are proud of yourself for today.
Read a few pages of my textbook; not so much and my goal is to read more pages today, actually, but oh well, it's all right ^^" small steps!!
5. if you could create your own little caution message (and it would be the first thing people would see when they meet you), what would you write? For example, I might write "Warning: dry humour and overly enthusiastic!
Ohh! Maybe something like "Caution: blushes a lot and will laugh too loudly at your jokes!" (yes, I'm a serial blusher and I can never control the volume and intensity of my laughter, lol)
@Hydrangea03
I understand that believing you're average can be frustrating, especially in a world that looks for people to stand out. It always seems as though the world pays attention only to those on the positive and negative ends of the axis, and sometimes, just forgets that people in the middle exist. I see you, and I hear you-though you may "only be average".
Procrastinating on the urge-I can imagine, would take a lot of control, but at the same time would involve letting go of that control. It sounds novel!
Awww-I love that you put "breathe" in there! The usage sounds so refreshing, I feel rejuvenated by it!
Hahaa-small steps is rightI am glad you took them, and am honestly happy for you!!!
A-ha, another serial blusher! *high fives* I feel the need to just put that disclaimer, every time there's a serious scenario, and I end up noticing something cute in it--
Thank you so much, for checking in-and we hope to see you around, Hydrangea!