Building Self-Esteem Series: Self-Love letters
Hi everyone! Thank you for following our series and working on your relationship with yourself. I know it is quite the challenge but it's a big effort and a big reward exchange! The world treats us differently when we learn our worth and insist on upholding our standards.
These past 8 weeks we have been laying down the foundations on which we can stand and start to take more direct steps towards building our self-esteem. This specific exercise can feel challenging but if you have been following the series and have put in the foundational work then I believe you have what it takes to show yourself some wholehearted love and compassion. Even if this is the first post you come across, give it a shot! You may be surprised by this one.
Today we will be writing self-love letters!
It is a letter that you write to yourself, usually addressing yourself as you are a separate being. It will make sense in a bit!
Try to create a relaxed environment. Smell something calming, and make a soothing beverage. Try to find a private place and keep the tissue paper ready for the upcoming tears. It is perfectly normal to find yourself crying.
Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone you love wholeheartedly. Think of yourself as this dearest friend who you know intimately and want the best for. Here are a few things you can talk about:
- Note down how proud you are of all the work you have done. All the progress you have made.
- Highlight all the ways you are growing as a person or how life has improved
- Give reassurance for all the worries you hold. For example ‘I know you are worried that you will fail at X but remember when you thought the same about Y and that worked out Silly!’
- You can use any tone you like but it should be compassionate.
- Apologize to yourself for all the wrong you have done
- The letter can be pages long or a paragraph long. It can typed or written.
Example of how it can look like:
Dearest Me,
You work so hard, even when you feel unseen. I'm sorry for the harsh words I've thrown your way, for neglecting your needs. Remember how worried you were about moving to a new city? We faced it together, and just like with starting that new hobby, you came out the other side, braver and wiser. I know you have doubts and anxieties, especially about finding a stable job. But listen to me – you've overcome so much already. You have the strength, the resilience, and the kindness to navigate this too. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember that laugh you have, the way it lights up your eyes? And your kindness, the one that extends even to strangers? Today, I want to celebrate those things. You are worthy of love, even from yourself. Maybe especially from yourself.
Your loving self,
(Your name)
Activity
Write a letter to yourself following the above instructions. Once done, read it and come back to this post. Answer the questions:
- How did writing the letter make you feel?
- How was the overall writing experience for you?
You are not expected to share your letter with us. If you are participating with a listener account, please be mindful of listener account boundaries when answering these questions. You can keep the answers general.
I encourage you to schedule the letter as a future email to yourself using email's scheduling service. It can be a nice gift for you from you! You are also encouraged to write one letter every day for 7 days. Somedays it will be a page, other days 3 lines and that’s okay. Whatever you write, you can keep scheduling for a future date. It can be a nice exchange of sending and receiving letters for yourself.
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You can add yourself or remove yourself from the taglist here.
Dear apeatrice;
I know things are hard right now, and you are breaking apart, but l am proud of you. You tryed so hard to improve yourself, to chase after your dreams and to be a better friend for all your Peeps.
In this month you have achieved in;
*learn to manage your anxieties(both social one & * one)
* striving v hard to fulfil the to-do list you have set up for yourself (even tough your mum is * again &you are depressed)
*standing up for yourself and your sis (it's hard to say no when you are terrified, but l am proud of you for taking this step, honey).
*being a great big sister.
………
I am sorry, apea. I let you down, For l have relapsed again in self-harm and is slightly addicted to coffee. I am ashamed of what l have done. However, l will let myself go and not let this happen again with the desire to be a healthy person and a great, reliable friend to my buddies.
Thank you for posting this amazing thread, Hope. Thanks for guiding us and support us all this time.
And thanks for accompanying me through this 'not too happy month ' @Azumii, @brilliantTurtle89,@tranquilechoes @LightOak222, @aquaaaaa,
@ incredibleRainbow2036
And others (who's name forgive me, for not typing them out here)
❤️💙
@Apeatrice
Always there for you sweetheart and always will be there for you u can confide in me whenever you want and you are doing great sweetheart and I am sure you will heal soon 🤍✨
@Apeatrice
Apea! You're an amazing person and an absolutely wonderful friend! I'm so proud of you for being able to achieve so many daunting feats this month, and that's absolutely wonderful to hear! I think you're an extremely strong and amazing person for being able to face such challenges head on and confront them, I'm always rooting for you!! I'm so proud of you that you've forgiven yourself and that you're moving on, that's a very impressive feat!
I'll always be there for you my friend, you are an awesome and wonderful friend and I'll always root for you! 💙💙
@Apeatrice I love you homieee, you're amazing and funny! If you ever need anything I am here for you love! You got this, I believe in you no matter what! Xoxo Oak
@LightOak222
Thank you for the support, buddy. It means both the sky and earth to me. And the same goes for you; l am behind you. 💙❤️
@Apeatrice
You've tackled social anxiety, to-do lists, and even stood up for yourself! So proud. Sorry to hear about the self-harm relapse. I hope things get better for you and glad that you can take part in the activity
@Hope
How did writing the letter make you feel?
It made me at first feel super frustrated and upset. Nothing was coming to mind. I tried doing a 'vomit session' where I just let out a bunch of angry nonsense on the page. After that I was able to think clearly, feel good and write the letter.
How was the overall writing experience for you?
Overall the writing experience was good. I learned about anger releasing and felt a deep sense of peace and resolution, like I had cleaned up my inner being somehow.
@communicativePond1728
Wow, that sounds like a transformative experience! Learning to release anger and finding peace and resolution within yourself is a powerful skill to develop. I'm happy writing helped you achieve that.
@communicativePond1728
This is beautiful!
I feel like every time I try to do something hard the beginning is always messy and unclear but I need to go through this so that I can put my ideas in order and make some sense of it. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
@Hope
It felt liberating to express my feelings and thoughts in a compassionate and loving way towards myself. I started this practice of writing letters a long time ago. Writing letters to myself and my dearest personalities is a source of great joy and fulfillment for me. It's a way to express my thoughts, feelings, and appreciation in a meaningful and personal manner. I find solace and connection through the act of writing. It's a practice I cherish and will continue to enjoy. 💓
@WeEarth
That's wonderful. Self-compassion through writing is such a powerful tool. So glad you find joy and connection in this practice. Keep cherishing those letters!
Initially, I thought about sharing my letter on here. It turns out that there was so much I wanted to say to myself that I decided not to do so. Not only does the letter include a lot of possibly triggering aspects of my past that I've overcome, but it also became very intimate and personal. I don't think I'd feel comfortable sharing that publicly.
How did writing the letter make you feel?
All kinds of things, honestly. As I've journeyed through different aspects of my life writing the letter, I've felt those negative emotions quite a lot. However, they were always coupled with pride, hopefulness and satisfaction as I've overcome most of those hardships or improved a lot since then. Towards the end of the letter, I felt immensely proud of myself. I felt like I deserve to treat myself like I would treat a friend, as I've already come so far. I felt happy with myself when the finishing words were written. Needless to say, I've spilled a couple of tears.
How was the overall writing experience for you?
It seems like there was a whole dam waiting to break to let out all of those thoughts I want to tell to myself. Initially, it was tough to even get started. So I decided to just start with some of the tougher moments that I've bested. That lead me to a constant flow of writing. I couldn't stop myself and forgot everything around me. I just kept writing on and on. It definitely was an agitating experience, but it had an uplifting note to it.
@cautiousVixen
Sounds like a powerful journey, Vixen! Totally understand keeping it private - some things are best kept close. The mix of emotions is relatable - facing the past can be tough, but the pride and growth are amazing. Love that you found closure and self-compassion. Keep writing those letters!
Dear J,
@JesterCipher
*big bear hugs * buddy, glad to know that you have achieved amazing works in your studies. I also proud of you buddy. And thank you for accompanying me and chatting to me too ("today l count myself, the luckiest girl on the face of this. earth)b/c of your guys love and support. It takes time for the wound to heal, honey. you are so strong and brave and resilient …
If you need help, please know that l am behind you.
💙❤️
@JesterCipher
Thank you for sharing your letter with us!
@Hope
How did writing the letter make you feel?
When I was writing this letter i felt like I didn't even know who this letter was for and didn't know who this person was. But when I was done reading it and saw my name on it I felt encouraged.
How was the overall writing experience for you?
My experience with writing this letter made me sound like I was talking to a friend and encouraging them when things are hard in their lives and they need someone who will be lift their spirits. When I read the letter to myself it helped me notice how hard I had worked and what I went through and how I got through them. And how I should help myself and not always thinking how to help others out all the time and that I needed to spend some time to myself.
@lovingRainbows2088
Wow, that's a fascinating journey through the letter, Feeling lost at the start and then finding encouragement in your own words is powerful. It sounds like writing became a way to connect with yourself and see your own strength. Taking care of yourself is important too - good on you for recognizing that!
@Hope When I first saw your post this morning (for me), I was so excited. I'm a letter writer and it's just what I do. I instantly thought about how I was going to do it. I had plans of drawing and pulling out all my colors to beautify my letter to myself. I had plans of pulling out my sticker books. I couldn't wait to actually sit down and do it. But today was one of those days for me and all of those plans just did not happen. I was going to put off my letter to another day but opted to just do it so my thoughts can at least be on paper. So not too long ago, I finished writing. My love note turned entirely too heartbreaking. It's just one of those days so the emotions just got to the best of me. It isn't pretty like I wanted. I tried my best to be kind to myself but I was also real, honest, and just raw as can be. My love letter to myself isn't all mushy or lovey dovey because with love, there's also bittersweet pain. So that's what this activity did for me by evoking all kinds of emotions. I'm just proud of myself for doing it. I know as listeners we try to put our face forward but this is the Desiree for today. I am commenting truthfully in stead of waiting for a better day. Trust and believe though, when my creative mood hits and I'm back being me, I will come back to this activity for my own personal benefit and do it the way I originally planned. ♡
@YourCaringConfidant
Desiree, what a journey with this letter! Get starting is so exciting then emotions take over. But you did it, got those raw feelings out - that's what matters! Love letters can be honest and vulnerable too. Be proud for putting yourself out there, even if it wasn't all sunshine.
@Hope
How did writing the letter make you feel?
- It made me feel emotional, took me more than an hour to finish as I was crying and I can barely see what I'm writing. Lots of thoughts running in my mind and I was starting to feel a headache. After it I fell asleep.
How was the overall writing experience for you?
- I read my letter in the morning and it made me feel better. I was surprised how I feel heard and validated by my own self. It made sense even though my mind was already clouded last night and I didn't know how the words were structured. But overall it was a good writing experience, I'm thinking of writing myself again next time.
@Ubebe
Wow, sounds like an emotional journey, But reading it back and feeling heard by yourself is powerful. That's the beauty of writing. we can process things even when our minds are cloudy. Glad you found it helpful. Keep writing to yourself
1/3/24🌟
When l writing this letter today it was not a happy emotion that run inside me; today is the first day of a new month, and l failed to accomplish everything on my to-do list. Its really nice to know that l have made progress in many aspects today, yet it was vv hard to write down 'l forgive myself for not doing that reading test l am suppose to do'.
Overall, l think writing this letter today helped me to realize that l am only a teen. I make mistakes, but l have the time and strength to restate mystery and to correct those mistakes l made; it's perfectly fine that l am not perfect or even standard (at the moment)l can change. I have to have pretence with myself and forgive myself when l did something wrong. 😂
Hope you all have a nice day. 😊❤️💙
@Apeatrice
It's tough not completing everything, but self-forgiveness is a superpower! You're right, being a teen is about learning. Mistakes happen, but you have the strength to keep moving forward. Keep celebrating your progress!
