Sexting and flirting at 7 Cups
Hello Everyone!
I want to discuss an important topic that is particularly relevant to our community. I understand that there may be some confusion on this topic and I wanted to tackle it head on! Please review carefully!
Topic: Sexting and flirting at 7 Cups.
What is sexting?
Sexting is having sex over text message.
--> Behaviors associated with sexting:
1) Engaging in sex acts on 7 cups
2) inviting another user to engage in sex acts in both explicit and non-explicit ways
What is flirting?
Flirting involves verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person.
--> Behaviors associated with flirting:
1) Telling another user in the chat room that you like their profile picture and commenting on another users appearance. Even if you believe you are being kind, this is not appropriate.
Note: I'd like to clarify that it's one thing to say "oh hey new picture! Looks nice!" This is very friendly. But it's another to constantly make comments on appearance or make suggestive comments on appearance. These will not be tolerated.
2) Using the kissy faces in reference to a users comment or in a way that suggests you are interested in them in ways beyond friends.
7 Cups Site Policy on Sexting & Flirting
At 7 Cups, we have a zero tolerance policy for both of these behaviors in the forums, 1-1 chats (both Member/guest - listener & listener - listener). It's simply not what we are here for and it can be very hurtful to the person on the other side of the chat window. We are a compassionate, support network and we have no space for these behaviors. In fact, these behaviors work against us. They distract us from our mission.
Special notice to feminine presenting users: I know that everyone can be vulnerable to be on the receiving ends of these behavior. But the vast majority of the incoming reports signify that feminine presenting users are more likely to be targeted. Therefore, Id like to give a little notice specifically to this specific group. I want you all to feel empowered. If you are asked to engage in a sexual chat, please remove yourself immediately and report that user.
If this happens to you, you may feel uncomfortable or unsafe and that is understandable. Please take a self-care break, find a peer supporter or log on to your member account, but please know, we are actively working to remove these users from the community. If you see something, say something & protect yourself.
Here is what we will be doing to continue to remove & discourage these behaviors in our community:
1) Group support/ listener side chat rooms: warning system in place
2) Added censoring from the Member/Guest side. Note: We have no intention of hindering any member/guest ability to discuss a sexual problem. We will not censor specific words. Instead, we will censor specific phrases in which the context is clearly indicated.
3) Noni tip early presented early in the chat
4) Further language around the website (when you press the connect now button/ listener training)..etc. which works to further emphasize this point.
5) More education and culture building ( I hope to do a community discussion on this topic soon)
Thanks everyone!
OMG, this guy just told me a pack of lies. That he wanted to talk about his mother. That his thoughts were troubling him. Then that it was embarassing (he was setting up a trap for me to fall into). Then that he had thoughts about his mother. Then that they were kind of intimate. Then that they didn't bother him, that they were sexual, in fact, he enjoyed them as he masturbated.
Then he was critical when I said I needed to refer this one out, and it was against the rules for me to discuss this.
Then he asked how he could meet with me privately.
Red flags, red flags!
I am new here and have not yet taken a chat because I am trying to read, prepare, and train as much as possible (and reasonable) before getting started but I had a thought. I was going to wait to share it until I had some more experience, but upon reflection realize I've already had enough experiences to broach this. I am going to try to use the problem solving format I've seen around here but forgive me if I've not remembered it exactly (can't find an example at the moment.)
Potential Problem: Members who genuinely need help may get turned away because they do not know how to address or share thier issues appropriately. I've noticed (and I don't know how much this is a cultural thing) that males tend to seek connection and comfort through their sexuality. This may stem from expectations that it is not masculine to be or feel vunerable, to share of oneself or express genuine feelings to others and in some cases even to themselves. Conversely (and these are broad generalizations arguably based on some combination of cultural conditioning and possible biological factors) women tend seek or accept sexual interaction after having established emotional connection and a sense of comfort / trust.
Goal: To ensure that those Members and Guests who genuinely need help and support but do not know appropriate ways to ask for it have a chance of getting the support they need while still upholding the very important need to protect Listeners from the Trolls. To provide some resources to help Members who have difficulty addressing their issues appropriately learn to improve in this area.
Possible Solution: Identify and/or train some Listeners to specialize in discernment and re-direction so that difficult or uncertain cases can be referred to them. Such Listeners should be really confident around the topic of sexuality and extraordinarly competent concerning boundaries and the ability to guide Members towards discovering any underlying issues which might be driving this kind of behavior. Obviously such Listeners should also be without triggers in this area. Other Listeners could be given some basic guidelines and/or questions to ask the Member and themselves to help decide if that case is approrpiate for referal or just needs to be blocked. And again, if there is some resource out there to help people who are having trouble getting in touch with their real feelings and issues (as well as the appropriate expression of such) and instead are resorting to a form of escapism, and trying to 'take control' by acting sexually aggressive, I think that could be really helpful to have.
I realize this whole subject is super touchy and my thoughts on it may be incredibly idealistic, but hope that they offer a potentially helpful perspective on the subject. As for myself, I think I would really have zero tolerance for someone chatting in sexually inappropriate ways with me.
If you have read this, thank you so much for your time.
@loquaciousRaven11
I know this is an older comment, but I wholeheartedly agree with you on this. Because of my background in health education and working with individuals with addictions, I am comfortable taking chats that center around sexual health issues. I realize that most are not comfortable with this, but these are valid, important concerns that deserve to be given space for. I am constantly having members be deactivated in the middle of a conversation, usually directly when they are making some headway into resolving and/or understanding their feelings surrounding their concern. Reaching out and asking for help and talking about sexual health issues is very difficult and takes bravery on the member's part. When these individuals are blindsided by an account deactivation due to simply using proper medical terminology, they usually struggle with feelings that they have done something wrong and this can lead to them not reaching back out and struggling with their problems alone, putting them right back where they started. It can also lead to feelings of stress or overwhelm and this is the opposite of what we want to do here.
If there is a notification of language being used that is "sexual in nature" by the bot, why could we not reach out to the listener working with that individual to check in on the appropriateness of the conversation and/or validation of the concern before just deactivating the account in the middle of a conversation?
I'm getting to the point where I'm afraid to chat with any listeners at all; because so many of them have tried to flirt with me, asked me for personal details, or for a way to talk to them off-site. This is a really serious problem, and it is so unethical. I've made complains when it's happened, but the problem seems to be getting worse, not better.
It also bothers me that I'm not entirely sure what happens when complains like this are made. Does it get investigated? Does the listener mearly get a warning, perhaps until there have been a number of complaints against them? Is their account suspended for a short time, or permamently, is that dependent on the type of offence and / number of times? Do they have to talk to someone more senior about it (I believe that they do)? Or maybe they have to take a re-fresher course in appropriate behaviour / sexual harrassment / site rules before being allowed to take chats again? I think it would help the community as a whole, if we could knew more about what the procedure is in cases like this.
Also I think it would helpful, after we report misconduct in a listeners feedback after the conversation, if it could at least be acknowledged in some way. Not hearing anything back at all makes it seem like no one cares. Especially, since some of us have prior trauma, it's not a good idea to leave a person feeling they are not being believed, taken seriously, or worse that no one seem to care. (Clearly people do care, but that's how it can feel at the time.) If after making a complain of this kind, via feedback after a chat, if there could be a way that it could be at least acknowledged that someone has read and taken note of what was said, and maybe even to let you know that whatever proceedures for dealing with these types of situations has been activated, and maybe even with a link to a post about how these types of things are dealt with.
Also I feel it should be made more clear: if something inappropiate happens are we meant to submit a support ticket with the information, or just give the info in the after chat feedback, or both? Does it matter which way it's reported?
I'm sure this is a difficult area to regulate; but if there was more clear guided infomation about what to do, a some kind of acknowledgement that you've made a complain and a real person is aware of it, and a bit more transparacy about what usually happens and how it gets dealt with, I think it would be a good thing. I do understand their are some good arguements for not devolging every detail of every allegation, and what happened as a result of that, to everyone. However some more general information, that's easy to find, could be helpful. Maybe some of this information already exists now, and I've just missed it, if so: could someone links me to where to find anything relevent to any of my suggestions (I feel like I may have touched on a few things that might have already been adressed, and this is very much linked to a few other conversations being had in various places).
I think that the new guidelines that have been written up are very much going in the right direction; they were very much needed, and they also show that @Laura, and the rest of the staff at 7 Cups, are listening to and acting on feedback. I was one of the people who wanted a post with more clearly stated guidelines (that applied to everyone equally), and gave I that feedback before. That gives me a lot of hope that things on this site can and will get better, since those in power are open to suggestions, and are listening to the suggestions of both members and listeners. I believe this is a site which still has a lot of problems, partly due to the sheer number of people using it; but there are also lot of good people who deeply care, and who are pro-actively trying to improve things. I hope that a lot more can, and will be done. I have a number of other ideas and suggestions; however, I may read around a bit, and think about them further; before possibly submitting a few suggestions. This post wasn't really thought out or reseached, I just wanted to contribue a few thoughts that this conversation brought to mind.
@resourcefulPond1641
ok if the chat is abusive then screen shot it and send to admin. They can then ban the offending person from 7 cups. This is what I now do. It works and they let you know what they have done.
@Rachelis27 I'll keep that in mind should I ever change my mind and try chatting with a listener again; although when things like that happen I tend to not be in a state where I'm aware that the situation is abusive until I reflect back on it later on. That's one of the problems with having vunerable people using a site like this. I feel like there is a heavy responsibily on the side of the site, since they are basically encouraging mentally ill people to talk to other people who have very little training and who haven't been vetted.
I find it a common feature here most of the guys who have enrolled as listners tend to be young and looking for some fun. They are not serious about the issues discussed here.i wanted to discuss about sexual abuse and the listner was trying to make me feel uncomfortable by asking inappropriate questions. I dropped the topic completely and since then didn't had the courage to discuss it again.
I've seen several Group Forums where the only conversations going on are about sex and dating or how one user really wants to hook up with another user. I get so bummed out when I can't get a word in edgewise that I just end up leaving.
@integrityblues Where is this occuring? You are welcome to take me to the threads.
@AffyAvo
I've seen exchanges mostly on the 24/7 Depression Forum. Most recently I've noticed that a mod comes on reminds people that we don't exchange personal information or that we're supposed to keep conversations appropriate.
@integrityblues In the forums or the chatroom?
@AffyAvo
Forums
@integrityblues With a forum post, there's the capability to flag it, it's near the upvote. Some people on the forum team can see this to moderate the post.
You can also tag me (that's what I meant to say above), I'm a global forum member leader. You can also get help from these listeners: https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/?badge=108 they are forum mentors.
@integrityblues
* ugh, sorry. Depression Support, for group chatting.
@integrityblues In the chatrooms, the rules are linked at the bottom. #22 allows you to fill out a form to get a paid moderator into the room.
It might sound like I
@Laura, hi im GalaxyForLife, I keep getting coaching email about flirting and sexual language in my reviews but I've done none of that kind of stuff. Is it a glitch or ?
I like the approach but 7 cup shld always trust its listeners as we are professional and if some one behaves bad n we block they complaint abt us
I would like to inform the seven cups authorities that if a genuine appreciation to a listeners achivement is been considered as flirting then i believe you should consider a better prospective when a member is trying to threaten the listener who appreciated a fellow listener. Those people should consider themselves immature to directly text the listener because of their insecurities. I have a suggestion for the people at the backend before you guys mail us without a verification on the situation . Please have a good look at your end nd i know what i m suppose to offer at this platform otherwise I wouldn't be here since last 5 years.
