What are things that�s guys wish girls understood, and vice versa?
If youre here, you probably read the title and get the idea.
Guys: what is something you wish all girls could understand?
Girls: what is something you wish all guys could understand?
Because some of us have usernames that are not specifically male or female, please put something along the lines of, I wish that guys/girls understood _____
Please be polite, understanding and courteous, these are not meant to call anyone specifically out, but are opinions that should be respected just as you would want yours to be.
Thanks!
For example:
I wish girls understood that often guys are somewhat starved for positive attention, especially maybe for their looks, that small compliments or special gestures can go a long way to keep our moral up. In my opinion, which is just my opinion not fact, the way our world views relationships is that guys are supposed to make the girl feel special, and then guys just want physical stuff in return. Guys have to ask the girl out in a cute way, promposals, sweet gestures every holiday and anniversary, etc. And quite often I dont see stuff in return. My opinion is that guys would appreciate some in return. Shrug
@ChillSy i totally get that! I am a girl, but i have seen that as well that boys often dont get treated in that way as girls do, i always try to compliment boys! their face always lights up when i do and thats important.
@dynamicHemlock1736
it is important and i appreciate you recognizing that
@ChillSy
i TOTALLY agree with you. And I'm a woman. Which is why I don't like getting gifts on valentines or my anniversary I'd rather do something special for both my dh and I. Same for Mother's Day and birthdays. I hate how these have been SO commercialized to tend to what society thinks women need/want. What about the men?
@ChillSy You are absolutley right! This is why my marraige is failing. I have a serious problem w/giving compliments/positive feedback to loved ones b/c I always think I will be criticized for what I say. (I am working on this ..) But my husband LOVES to hear compliments and positive feedback about his work or projects around the house. etc. This is a major thing that will boost relationships .. I know i need to fix it w/mine. :( Guys appreciate the compliments!
@ChillSy omg I have always asked out guys. I'm always the one to initiate relationships too.
@ChillSy
This is such a late reply but I'm planning a promposal stylething for my bf and I'm so excited cause it is a two way thing not a guy to girl thing for me
I also wish that girls understood and acknowledged that yes, often guys have perverted eyes, etc. But not all of us do, and if you dont want to be looked at in that way, maybe dont wear booty shorts, or bikinis, or low cut tops, or shorts that are only four inches long, or pants that are so tight we can see EVERYTHING... It would be strange if a guy worse shorts that short, but its not strange if a girl wears some that are only three inches above the knee instead of eight. if you dont want men to look at you in ways that make you uncomfortable, help us guard our eyes by not giving us as much to look at. My opinion, not fact.
@ChillSy
So what are ww meant to wear when swimming and boys wear much less when swimming why isnt that an issue???
If a male was to wear booty shorts no one would say anything tbh. Its a double standard which I think is sexist.
@NF4 I think it is because breasts are only sexual organs on girls
@SereneScience
That would be my argument as well. Some girls wear shorts in the pool over a tankini. Some guys wear shirts when swimming. It depends on personal belief, but I guess in my head the only reason to wear less clothes is to show more skin which isn
@ChillSy
True but men only wear shorts...
@SereneScience
Yeah true but why males have things females dont have.
@NF4 What do you mean?
@SereneScience different body structure
@SereneScience Breasts are secondary sex characteristics not sexual organs. An adam's apple is a secondary sex characteristic and so is facial hair, if that is their argment they can walk around with a bag on their head
@SakuraJ3 you're absolutely right. And breasts actually have purpose. They are there for women if they decide to have kids. Breasts are designed to give optimal nutrition to babies and there is no shame in that. So think twice before you diss them, people. They are what made you healthy
@SakuraJ3 Yeah you're right, then I guess it's more correct to say it's because female breasts are viewed as more sexual by society than male breasts
@ChillSy A lot of women wear that stuff indirectly looking for attention. I was 20 years old once. When they grow up, they will wear clothes that flatter their assets instead of throwing everything out there.
@TransAm85 Maybe when they grow up they'll wear whatever makes them feel happy and comfortable.
@ChillSy I want to go back to your first comment "if you dont want to be looked at in that way, maybe dont wear booty shorts, or bikinis, or low cut tops, or shorts that are only four inches long, or pants that are so tight we can see EVERYTHING" This is the direct ideals that lead to victim blaming in sexual assault. I appreciate you speaking honestly about how you feel but maybe it could be good to do a little reflection on how this could be a hurtful belief for women.
When you are a woman is assaulted by a man and then told it is her fault for what she was wearing or how she looked it is so damaging to her sense of self. This is what I wish all guys understood; that they are in charge of their actions and that their actions have potential to harm other people. That's cool that you are a sexual being and attracted to females but that does not mean that it is every females responsibility to cover up her body so you don't feel that attraction. If you feel attracted to a woman hey that's great but giving her unwanted attention because of it; that is not.
"if you dont want men to look at you in ways that make you uncomfortable, help us guard our eyes by not giving us as much to look at." this statement is steeped in entitlement. I'm not sure what culture you're from or how you were raised but it could be an interesting and productive exercise to challenge yourself in why you feel this way.
@GrowingGinkgo8847
i can see why you'd feel this way, I discussed it deeper in several of my follow up posts.
1. I didn't say it would stop. I said that it may help. A suggestion and a personal opinion. This forum was meant to being up issues and respect opinions. I feel like I am trying to be open and discuss this, and am being met with opposition who has no intention of actual debate. Again, my opinion.
2. You don't seem to flesh out your arguments much. Could you give some reasoning for your statements?
@ChillSy
This is my side of the debate. I think rather than women being constantly paranoid about what they wear and how they present themselves that men should be held responsible for their actions. Putting it back on women when a man forces his sexuality on her (whether that's with suggestive comments, whistling, cat calling, sexual advances etc) is completely unfair and an example of male priviledge. It is within a man's abilities to ask for consent in any situation and I think they should be held accountable for such.
@GrowingGinkgo8847
I couldn't agree less. I really hate it how a big part of society says that it's the girl's fault for wearing short clothes and leaving them no choice but to look at them pervertedly. First of all, no girl is wearing them with the intentions of being seen that way. It's men's problem if their way of looking at them is in such a way.
Moreover that argument just tries to enforce on girls/women that what should they be wearing, as if they should follow men's command. Nobody should be telling them what to wear or what not. They are humans and they have a will to live how they want, and they aren't hurting anyone with it. Its us men who should work more on making this world a better and safer place for the opposite gender.
@ChillSy i wish that guys understand that no matter what girls wear, sexual harrassment will always be a thing. i never wear booty shorts or a top where you can see my chest area - i dont wear leggings either. But i normally get harrassed in the streets 3 times a month. i also dont walk around alone in the nighttime, this all happens during the day. i also live in a very clean city. When i walk around people just think its okay to grab me or follow me or whatever. When i take the train i always get like a "hello sweetheart where are you going huh? want to come with me? heyyy whats up why are you not talking to me, thats very impolite."
And i wish boys would understand thats its still an issue most of us deal with many times. (of course, boys get harrassed too)
That is 100% fair. I have seen that and with men that I feel like I can confront about it, I usually do. And on behalf of all guys who are remorseful about their actions, I apologize. Some of us are jerks and are gonna be like that. And yeah... the sad truth is that a lot of guys dont have pure eyes or intentions. And I agree with you that it shouldnt be that way. I wish it wasnt. And it probably would continue even if everyone wore loose full body clothing. I guess my issue is women complaining about it, while wearing clothing that encourages it. Im sorry for the things youve experienced and truly hope that men can be better in the future
@ChillSy you can not imagine how happy this makes me that you aknowledge it as a boy and say these nice things about this issue. thank you so much for this, and the support you give to us
@dynamicHemlock1736
and thank you for being willing to have a rational discussion about it. Often people get emotional and ignore logic and reality in this kind of topic.
@ChillSy I hate you
You completely have the right to do so. Out of curiosity, why is that?
@dynamicHemlock1736 couldn't agree more. A few week ago I wear short pants(not even shorts) a casual t-shirt and some random dude still can make a comment on me in a creepy way. It makes me feel scared. I don't think any man can possibly understand how we feel. I remember myself, a little girl, on the news, there was that young university student girl got abused and get killed. They burnt her body and throw away. I couldn't walk on the street without looking back. I still can't do. Even wearing that short pants scare me. Everyone would love some eye candy, I understand, but please do not make comments like "Don't wear it, then no one will look at you". It is scary, at least for me.
@ThePeacefulOliveTree
i apologize that it came across as
@ChillSy it's okay, really. I know you don't mean this way. Like you said on the post, I wanted to share an experience guys should be more careful about.
I think a sincere, warm smile and eye contact are all that's needed to show a woman you like her appearance and find her attractive. That's comfortable and complimentary. Anything beyond that is extremely forward and conveys you've made many assumptions about her and her interest in you, and that's very unattractive.
@dynamicHemlock1736
Am really sorry that some people don't know how to be proper humans and respect the opposite gender. It's really shameful
I wish boys understood that they don't need to shame girls and be horrible just to get attention. Calling me a whore will not make you a better person. You guys need to take the time to understand the consequences of what you say. That stuff you say and do to impress your peers is short lived and meaningless. If you really want to make an impact do something important and, more importantly, kind. And do not- I repeat- DO NOT target girls. In any way. Whether you're slut-shaming or harassing or even sexually assaulting girls, IT IS NOT OKAY. Women are not extensions of men. You need to understand that.
@GirlFalling
you are 100% correct
but I will also say, that while it isnt right that we do this, some men dont understand that. Because as guys, we often call wachother idiots or stupid or far worse, and we laugh it off. Its not an excuse to be rude, but some guys need to learn to draw a line. But at the same time Id also say that women do the same thing to men often times. We get called names. We get shamed. Its stupid. Everyone should just be kind. I wish the world was better at that.
I wish that both girls and boys will remember that, while you can often ascertain a certain behaviour as more common within a specific group (ect, buys, girls, american, european and such) it is not always the case so you have to treat every person as an individual and should throw away all ascertained assumptions when meeting a person.
@SereneScience I'm sorry if this is offensive, it isn't meant that way.
@ChillSy
Oh this is great!
I wish that guys understood that we are more than just something for you to look at. Look us in the eyes and smile next time. Dont just look at our body.
@Zulegirl
sadly, men often objectify women. I
@ChillSy
Yeah thats true! But its different when a girl does it to a guy.
I wish guys would understand that communicating your feelings is important and doesn't make you weak. The guy I just ended things with always had this issue. He's very depressed and anxious and would never rely on anyone to help him cope until he found me. However, every time he'd open up to me he'd apologize profusely immediately after or the next morning. Vulnerability is not weakness.
@dokuhebi
you are totally right. As I guy it
@ChillSy as a guy, I feel like I'm in this same situation right now. I just had a really big fight with my fiance about it. When I was younger, I wasn't taught how to express my emotions. So I grew up aloof. I just take things as they are and I either don't have an opinion on things or I just don't express how things made me feel. And I think that becasue of this, I became a really good listener - taking in what people say, but I have almost never been the type to outwardly express anything. But I'm trying to learn now how to express my emotions in a healthy way.
@ChillSy this is really an interesting topic to discuss. Thank you for starting this, Chill. Welcome to the community. Glad to see you today💕
I hope you are doing well.
I wish that some guys would take the hint and stop pestering my friend. Said she was uncomfortable and started covering up. I was once harrassed on the streets once at night while taking a walk, didn't like it.
I'm sure not all guys are like this and I'm fully aware that girls do this do. Any gender should just take the hint and not force themselves on others and give compliments in a nice way not in a creep way.
@HappyLily291125 Im really genuine and every time I try a relationship I just dont seem to be enough. Its like I chase the wrong type but it feels so right at first. Would you like to talk ?
@NicholasD I understand. Maybe the person you are in a relationship with is having issues of their own? Maybe it'd their first time? I'm not too sure. Take note that some people who've had previous relationships that didn't end well need some time to figure themselves out. Maybe take things slow and show as much afection and understanding towards that person. You could also ask the person if they are alright with the relationship between yourselves. Comunication is key. I'm sure you are genuine and truly care about the person you're with, but sometimes people need some space of their own. Talk with the person you are with right now. Try to talk things through and maybe see how you both can better your relationship. I've personnally never been in a romantic relationship, but i've had experience with friendships. Sometimes people aren't made for each other, but you can still try and figure things out. I'd be glad to talk with you, but i am simply a member. I have no listener account. We will not be able to have 1-1 conversations, but we can talk here if you'd like. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship. Take care and stay safe. Goodbyes.
Once I talked to a counselor who gave me some advice. I don't know how accurate it is or how much I agree with it, but here it is.
Me: "How do I get her to give 100% to the relationship like me?"
Counselor: "There is only 100% in a relationship each person needs to be giving 50% if you are giving 100% than you leave no room to get anything back."
@NicholasD
@HappyLily291125
@HappyLily291125
@ChillSy
I know women get mad because they think we should naturally know things we dont know. We cannot read minds so it would go a long way if you took the time to spell it out to us instead of expecting to read facial or other signs. We are not mind readers. So stop getting crazy mad over things we have no way of knowing until you keep it real and tell us.
Also, we are like beasts in some ways, cavemen in some ways too, but we also seem to have cycles. It takes me up too 3 weeks sometimes to respond or react after thinking it all over. I have a 3 days to 3 week delay. Bear with us. And we need to trust you 100%, and we need more love than you think. Living with a guy who you keep off balance due to not communicating well with us will never have a good outcome. You get out, what you put in. I say all of this with love.
BTW, Im single 😉
@humorousDay8793
When I think about it I should probably rethink the way I express some things😂
BTW are you still single? -'Cause I am  
😂😂
@humorousDay8793
I wished guys realized most of our frustration comes from pain, and sometimes we don't know how to express it.
