Tragic tale of unrequited love
So I have told so many people my tragic one-sided love story but I can't help but gush here about it too. So I fell in love with this guy when I was 11. We studied in the same school, but I didn't talk to him because I was shy. It started this way: on our first day of that school, ( he was new too), he followed me around asking, " What is your name?" and " I know your dad" ( our dads were office colleagues then) and the moment I looked at him, I was awestruck. He was so devastatingly beautiful. But all I could say and the only words I have ever spoken to him were, " Sorry but I don't know you." And somehow as the days passed I found myself staring at him in school often and feeling euphoric. I was in love! It was beautiful. I got the privilege to dance alongside him at the New Year Party of 2014 and sing alongside him in our school's Special Choir group.
Alas but a year later our parents moved to different towns and we left that school. I was shattered. I spent my teens in utter grief. The emotions ebbed and flowed. Sometimes I would totally forget about him but sometimes I would break into sobs thinking of him and the memories of him- his smile, his animated chattering with his friends, his winning the prize in the elocution contest, his firm, stolid gait, his handsome face. But it was only him. Never did I think of any other guy except him. If at all any such stray thought would come, I would push it out of my mind successfully. I never talked to other guys. My commitment was only for him.
8 years passed like this. Then I found his profile on LinkedIn. I was elated and texted him. To my joy, he recognized me and gave me his phone number. But alas, when I started to message him on WhatsApp, all I received was either total neglect or occasional texts saying, " I am busy" or " I was sleeping." He hasn't replied to my last message since three weeks.
I am heartbroken. I want to marry him, I have invested so much emotions and energy in all of this and it sucks that he is not even bothered to reply to me. This grief is crushing. Why is he behaving like this? What should I do now? Please guide me through this trauma if any of you can. " Love's labour lost" is the only title that captures the almost-a-decade long journey of my unrequited love for him.
Sorry, I even forgot to introduce myself because of the grief. My name is Sanvee and I am a 20 year old girl, studying History at College. That 11 after my name stands for the age I fell in love with him:11.
@Sanvee11
I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason". I do not have any true helpful advice, but recently I just got out of a confusing and time consuming talking stage. If it is meant to be, I think you should let it come naturally, but I do not know you so this is from an outsider point of view. He is not showing you the attention you desire or want , so I think that you should try to live your life not thinking about him. I didn't say to forget him bcuz Ik that's not possible. 8 years is a long time.
@Sanvee11 A crucial but helpful advice is to move on. The guy is clearly not interested and with what you said, it seems like you're just gonna keep hurting yourself for someone who doesn't belong with you.
Try to move on, it's really the best thing you can do for yourself. Take his dry responses as a no and just focus on yourself instead of him. you will one day find someone who will love you the right way and you won't have to beg for his love.
And remember, we can't force people to love us. Who is meant for us, will stick around.
@Sanvee11,
you created a fairytale in your head. Reality is different though and it would be best for you to accept reality.
It seems you might benefit from professional help to learn to see reality for what it is. It feels like you created an obsession and you don't seem to be able to pull yourself out.
Ask yourself, do you really want to continue living like this?
@dukeofdearham Oh no I don't want to live like this, but isn't he hard to understand? Like he is giving mixed signals. It was he who followed me around, asking me my name in school, isn't it? And if he is so much disinterested in me, then why did he bother to remember me after 8 long years and even share his phone number without me asking for it? It made me feel that there is still some hope. But now with his ignoring spree, everything again seems lost. But his behavior is confusing, double-faced, ambiguous. What do I conclude from this?
@Sanvee11,
you are reading more in his messages because you want to and want to hang on to a reality you created in your head.
He was just being friendly.
Time to move on, work on you, love yourself. I can tell by experience, if you love yourself, you'll automatically, without searching, attract the right people.
@dukeofdearham but if he is really not interested in me then why doesn't he explicitly say that? I will be less sad if he directly texts me saying, " Sorry I don't have those sort of feelings which you have for me. So do not expect anything from me." But why is he IGNORING? Why is he giving me the silent treatment? Why this limbo, this uncertainty? Let him just speak out his disinterest and get over with this matter. But why is he being silent? His silence is more painful than his rejection.
He is avoiding you because he doesn't know your present condition or he is not interested or he has someone else to talk to.
Update- He just texted to say that he was working on a project and will surely "talk to me" once he is free on 25th November. Keeping my fingers crossed.
@Sanvee11 man this story is so real. I felt the same way about a girl, im only 17 so younger then you, but similarly from 4th grade to 9th I loved this girl even though I had never really spoken to her much. I felt about the same as how you describe, super invested and always thinking about her. Then in the 10th grade i decided something had to change so i tried speaking to her. I thought things were going well but a whole bunch happened and she started dating someone I knew personally instead of me. I was devastated and this all just led to another 2 years of me being obsessed, except now feeling even worse. This year, i started my senior year and sat next to her in class, over the summer I got on self improvement, and i worked on cold approaching women and overall improving my self confidence and self esteem. I started speaking to her casually and I thought maybe this time since I had improved myself it would work out, sadly I was rejected, very clearly this time. She stated she did not want to date me and never has nor ever will. I was super upset and refused to go to class for about a week, even now it bothers me but I think I had to go through that in order to move forwards. I would say give your 100% into being with this person and if that fails, and you are SURE it failed, then give up knowing you gave it everything you had. some people will tell you to quit now, but in my opinion I would rather be forced to quit knowing I gave it everything I had. Goodluck, I really hope regardless of what happens you end up learning and becoming a happier, stronger person.
Fall 10 times, Rise 11.
@LucasBeu thank you for your kind words. I won't give up on him, I will fight for my love. I want to marry him and I will do my best to be his wife. I have already vowed that if I don't get to marry him, I will die a virgin. I mean it. I love him, and God knows that. God will guide me to him. I have faith in the Lord.
UPDATE- Finally he responded guys!! He said that he is not in a good phase of life and is a bit depressed, so he is staying incommunicado for some time till he finds his goal in life. Thank God. Hope he gets well soon. But now I know the reason, thank God.
Talk about your feelings and if he rejects you try to find flaws in him and get disappointed, sometimes it’s the best way to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you. I had one sided love too and she was the same way I thought she was interested in me she was giving me mixed signals too and then she said she didn’t care about me at all. Now I dgaf about her too. Bc I found flaws in her and realized she wasn’t all that.
