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LucasBeu
1 1,129 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 19 Compassion hearts45 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 7, 2023
Recent forum posts
I do not know how to love again or find meaning in being alive now.
Relationship Stress / by LucasBeu
Last post
 September 24th, 2023
...See more I had deep feelings for a girl for around 8 years, specifically in the last 3 shes been on my mind all the time, i go to sleep thinking about her and everything i ever do in my life is with her in my mind as motivation, i have never been able to conquer even simple tasks without her as a leading motivation. Using today as an example, I did not shower or eat breakfast simply because I didn't feel like it and in the past I would force myself too in order to smell good or look good for her. Last night i had a deep conversation with her and I do not think I will ever get with her, I think that was the guarantee that it is completely over. I will respect her decision to keep me out of her life but I am not sure my own body can accept it and I worry for motivation as today for example I skipped two classes and got in trouble a lot for being disrespectful. I just feel like there is no point in anything without her, there is nothing I want in life shes always just been my goal. I cry whenever i start to think deeper about living my whole life without her so i try not to, but i feel so stuck right now. I do not know what to do, any sort of help or advice would be nice since right now I have been unable to leave my room for a while and I have no clue how i'll function on the weekend not to mention attending school next week.
I love somebody more then you can imagine but she does not feel the same for me (sorry this post is so long lol)
Relationship Stress / by LucasBeu
Last post
 September 9th, 2023
...See more I have loved the same person for almost 8 years. I do not mean just like a crush or attraction I mean i seriously love this person. I am willing to do just about anything for her and I find her to be physically beautiful and to have a very amazing personality and way of living. But that aside I will tell a bit of a story... I hardly talked to her beyond the 4th grade, we would occasionally speak but not often, during this time coincidentally we both had feelings for each other but this is somewhat irrelevant now. In the 10th grade, i still had feelings so i went to speak to her, i started texting with her often and we had a decently friendly relationship however i acted very immature and made some poor decisions, nothing horrible but enough to make her feel unattracted to me and lose any chance of being with her that I had. This was a very important event in building who I am today. I realized that because of the way i acted, she had gone from being interested in me to be completely done talking with me in just a few weeks, i lost the chance i had to be with the person i loved for so long and that really hurt me. Because of this i began to change myself, around a year later i tried talking to her again but i was pretty much just a bother and she ended up blocking me on socials and It was somewhat deserved in all honesty. Throughout all this time my feelings never changed though and she was still on my mind 24/7 and i thought about her everyday all the time no matter what. now fast forward to the present, I am at the start of my 12th grade year and she sits near me in one of my classes, in my mind this could be the final time i ever get to connect with her for the rest of my life, and so this is big for me. I have still yet to even say hi to her as it just feels nervous and awkward because of the past. I also want to clarify I did date somebody else during this time but throughout the relationship i ended up still constantly thinking about this girl and even comparing my girlfriend to her very frequently, honestly my conflicted feelings ended up causing the downfall of this relationship which was sad. but also to me showed that my feelings were genuine and I really love this girl. I want nothing more then to be with her, and while many people have told me i should just move on and leave her alone, not only does this seem like an impossible challenge it would also just be really sad because many people try their whole lives to love someone like this and i actually get to feel it right now. I am unsure i will ever feel for someone the way i feel for her, specifically because i tend to be a fairly judgmental person but yet i still see this girl as flawless and amazing. Any advice is appreciated!
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