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Sanvee11
20 7,283 M Moving Along 6
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts532 Forum posts57 Forum upvotes52 Current upvotes52 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 11, 2023
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Adulthood angst
General Support / by Sanvee11
Last post
 December 16th
...See more So I am a 21-year-old girl, officially 3 years into adulthood, but for me everything feels depressing and haywire. I am unemployed- and am still struggling to get a job, which seems kind of hard right now. I don't know how to drive, and feel afraid to practice owing to my constant fear of road accidents ( actually my father met with a road accident in 2009 and it injured his brain so he still suffers from memory loss, and I don't want to experience a similar fate). Another disturbing aspect is my love life. The prospect of marriage fills me with dread. It's because, for years I have been deeply and madly in love with a boy who does not feel the same about me, and my constant thought is, " If not him then whom? What will I do without him?". Honestly,  it's a draining thought. I also am averse to having kids. I mean, I cannot even take care of myself, why bring another being in this horrible world? I feel deeply sad to think of middle and old age- grey hair, wrinkles, health issues, existential crisis and so on. Honestly, I wish I were a child again. Those were the real halcyon days.  I am mostly battling the blues as an adult. I don't know what to do, where to go, how to lead a normal life and adapt to these normal stressors like other people. I feel so dull and fatigued the whole day. Please guide me, if possible.
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A disease called love has led to my severe depression
Depression Support / by Sanvee11
Last post
 December 12th
...See more I am a severely depressed 21-year-old girl. The reason is unrequited one-sided love with a boy ever since I was 11 years old. He has now blocked me everywhere. I apologized, begged and promised like a clingy stalker from 10 different phone numbers but he mercilessly hit the block button on them all. I am heartbroken. I have invested so much in this guy. He was my first crush, my first and only love. I don't know what to do with this sh*t called life. I am unable to focus on my studies and career issues. He is conspicuously present in my thoughts from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep, and even in sleep and dreams and nightmares. I feel heavy and tearful the whole day. I just don a strained mask of normalcy before my family who knows my one-sided love story but thinks I am okay now. The truth is, I am crumbling inside. Also, I have contemplated suicide several times but don't have the courage to actually do anything. But what should I do? I can't live like this, I cannot even meet him right now as he is in a faraway university and will graduate in 2026. Besides, if I tell him all this, he won't be able to concentrate in his studies and I don't want this to happen. He is, after all, a topper in his university. But what should I do? I have lost interest in life, in everything. For me love and marriage exist because of him. Please guide me, what should I do? I am horribly incurably depressed. 
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I am confused- why am I loving so selfishly
Relationship Stress / by Sanvee11
Last post
 November 27th, 2023
...See more You all know about my one sided love story, if you do not, then kindly go through my post- " Tragic tale of unrequited love."  Anyway, the boy I love finally responded to my messages yesterday, saying, " Hey I am a bit depressed so want to stay incommunicado till I find my purpose in life. Pls accept my apologies."  Now, ideally I should empathize with him and pray for his well being. Instead, I find myself heartbroken by the fact that I will have to wait for an indefinite amount of time. I am feeling so sad because of this. But I am confused- like when you love someone, you should think of their well being first right? But here I am, feeling unusually maudlin. Why am I feeling so narcissistic? I am unable to understand. I am dying for his message. I am feeling shattered, but not becoz of his depression but becoz of the agony of an indefinite waiting time. What's wrong with me? Why am I being so selfish? Please suggest possible reasons and please guide me through this confusion. I don't want to be selfish, I want to pray for him but I can't help but reel under the magnitude of my own hurt. Why is this happening? Please help me.
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Tragic tale of unrequited love
Relationship Stress / by Sanvee11
Last post
 November 11th
...See more So I have told so many people my tragic one-sided love story but I can't help but gush here about it too. So I fell in love with this guy when I was 11. We studied in the same school, but I didn't talk to him because I was shy. It started this way: on our first day of that school, ( he was new too), he followed me around asking, " What is your name?" and " I know your dad" ( our dads were office colleagues then) and the moment I looked at him, I was awestruck. He was so devastatingly beautiful. But all I could say and the only words I have ever spoken to him were, " Sorry but I don't know you." And somehow as the days passed I found myself staring at him in school often and feeling euphoric. I was in love! It was beautiful. I got the privilege to dance alongside him at the New Year Party of 2014 and sing alongside him in our school's Special Choir group.  Alas but a year later our parents moved to different towns and we left that school. I was shattered. I spent my teens in utter grief. The emotions ebbed and flowed. Sometimes I would totally forget about him but sometimes I would break into sobs thinking of him and the memories of him- his smile, his animated chattering with his friends, his winning the prize in the elocution contest, his firm, stolid gait, his handsome face. But it was only him. Never did I think of any other guy except him. If at all any such stray thought would come, I would push it out of my mind successfully. I never talked to other guys. My commitment was only for him. 8 years passed like this. Then I found his profile on LinkedIn. I was elated and texted him. To my joy, he recognized me and gave me his phone number. But alas, when I started to message him on WhatsApp, all I received was either total neglect or occasional texts saying, " I am busy" or " I was sleeping." He hasn't replied to my last message since three weeks. I am heartbroken. I want to marry him, I have invested so much emotions and energy in all of this and it sucks that he is not even bothered to reply to me. This grief is crushing. Why is he behaving like this? What should I do now? Please guide me through this trauma if any of you can. " Love's labour lost" is the only title that captures the almost-a-decade long journey of my unrequited love for him. 
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