Wonder

@ivoryCamp2081

Tell her this and ask if you can see a counselor together to see if your marriage can be repaired. I'm in a somewhat similar boat with my husband, although he was emotionally abusive to me in addition to being distant. I would still try again if he said this to me and committed to trying to learn better communication and conflict resolution skills, since I know he was this way due to his own feelings of insecurity.

@peacefulforest75 thank you so much for the responding, with you being a women and being on the receiving end of this type of situation, I would love to hear all your thoughts and how it made you feel. I have told her this already but she tells me its to late. Shes happy,independent, strong and being the best her and mommy possible and I couldnt be more proud or happier . I do wish I could be there in those moments picking her up and help bring her to highest points hand n hand side by side in all the ways I didnt before. I dont just the relationship back, I want her back but I want a relationship thats new free from old restrictions and ideas, a relationship where were more than just two people together but equals top to bottom and giving 100 percent on both sides not just 50. I want understand how she felt then I want know how she feels now and I want to be the first person she talks to after work and hear about her day. While I may see now how awful it was and how to be better and do things the right way, it doesnt mean that I get a free pass back to the special all in kind love and affection she gave me. There was hurt there were times I let her down by not changing, I dont want to give up AT ALL, shes the women I love thats that! But also want her to experience her joy and happiness I just wish I knew then what now. Like they always say hind sight is 20/20 Her love is where I want to be and patient is what Ill be for her just like she was for me.💙

@ivoryCamp2081

Thanks, but my husband chose not to try to change to save our marriage, or maybe he just realized he's unable to. We've been separated on-and-off since March and had been seeing counselors for a couple years. I think he's feeling resentful that I can't just love him as he is. For a long time, I felt resentful that he wasn't open to changing things that I found hurtful, but I've recently accepted it. I'm working on forgiving him, as well as forgiving myself for not seeing it earlier and sometimes reacting emotionally. I don't think it would have changed the outcome--if anything, we may have split up sooner had I accepted it.

@peacefulforest75

@peacefulforest75 Thank you so much for sharing it really does help still with the women I love and when it

@ivoryCamp2081

Yeah maybe...but I think I have to accept that he won't change and move on with my life. For so long I changed everything about myself to try to make things work. I became depressed and didn't even know what I wanted anymore. In some ways my greatest fear is that he will say he really wants to work on it and try again...because I just see so much that needs to change and it would be hard to say no, to say what's trying hard enough, to say what's good enough.

I really do hope you can work it out with her. Something I realized recently is that I really feel a lot of closeness when things are hard and I have to figure it out with someone else. I have that with my son all the time--we'll get angry with each other, maybe I'll overreact and take away something of his and he'll yell at me. I'll go back and explain how I was frustrated and how I want to be. He'll suggest something he could have done differently. There's this wonderful moment of understanding what the other was feeling and a closeness that comes from that.

@peacefulforest75 I think your assessment of the situation is spot on! I agree whole heartedly that you need to move on and get yourself right because I found my wife doing the same things you described. Go out and get your happiness stay strong when or if he decides he to start doing the work, you need proof he needs to want to change for himself not just because you