@ivoryCamp2081
Tell her this and ask if you can see a counselor together to see if your marriage can be repaired. I'm in a somewhat similar boat with my husband, although he was emotionally abusive to me in addition to being distant. I would still try again if he said this to me and committed to trying to learn better communication and conflict resolution skills, since I know he was this way due to his own feelings of insecurity.
@peacefulforest75 thank you so much for the responding, with you being a women and being on the receiving end of this type of situation, I would love to hear all your thoughts and how it made you feel. I have told her this already but she tells me its to late. Shes happy,independent, strong and being the best her and mommy possible and I couldnt be more proud or happier . I do wish I could be there in those moments picking her up and help bring her to highest points hand n hand side by side in all the ways I didnt before. I dont just the relationship back, I want her back but I want a relationship thats new free from old restrictions and ideas, a relationship where were more than just two people together but equals top to bottom and giving 100 percent on both sides not just 50. I want understand how she felt then I want know how she feels now and I want to be the first person she talks to after work and hear about her day. While I may see now how awful it was and how to be better and do things the right way, it doesnt mean that I get a free pass back to the special all in kind love and affection she gave me. There was hurt there were times I let her down by not changing, I dont want to give up AT ALL, shes the women I love thats that! But also want her to experience her joy and happiness I just wish I knew then what now. Like they always say hind sight is 20/20 Her love is where I want to be and patient is what Ill be for her just like she was for me.💙
@ivoryCamp2081
Thanks, but my husband chose not to try to change to save our marriage, or maybe he just realized he's unable to. We've been separated on-and-off since March and had been seeing counselors for a couple years. I think he's feeling resentful that I can't just love him as he is. For a long time, I felt resentful that he wasn't open to changing things that I found hurtful, but I've recently accepted it. I'm working on forgiving him, as well as forgiving myself for not seeing it earlier and sometimes reacting emotionally. I don't think it would have changed the outcome--if anything, we may have split up sooner had I accepted it.
@peacefulforest75 Thank you so much for sharing it really does help still with the women I love and when it
@ivoryCamp2081
Yeah maybe...but I think I have to accept that he won't change and move on with my life. For so long I changed everything about myself to try to make things work. I became depressed and didn't even know what I wanted anymore. In some ways my greatest fear is that he will say he really wants to work on it and try again...because I just see so much that needs to change and it would be hard to say no, to say what's trying hard enough, to say what's good enough.
I really do hope you can work it out with her. Something I realized recently is that I really feel a lot of closeness when things are hard and I have to figure it out with someone else. I have that with my son all the time--we'll get angry with each other, maybe I'll overreact and take away something of his and he'll yell at me. I'll go back and explain how I was frustrated and how I want to be. He'll suggest something he could have done differently. There's this wonderful moment of understanding what the other was feeling and a closeness that comes from that.
