Guilt / Fear bringing up divorce

@WaffleGhost,

thanks for sharing and being honest, it takes courage to do so.
I can understand where you are coming from.
Recently I found myself in a similar situation, me being the receiving party and my wife being the initiator.
I was and am devastated, I can imagine how your wife feels/might feel.
In my case there are 2 people who are devastated. My wife's love for me has not changed, things happened, and she found herself in a position where she can't deal with her emotions (came out to be something shev would need help with, goes way back).
So I sort of understand borth sides of the story.

My wife told me during marriage counseling (which we will continue to do anyway).
So I was thinking, is therev anyway you could involve a third party?
You could consider marriage counseling too, it does not focus on trying to save the marriage. It focuses on a healthyb relationship between the two of you. It might make it easier for your wife, and she might notice that you are also taking her feelings into account.
Or a close friend that doesn't take sides, someone that both of you trust, we might be willing to act as some sort of mediator, offering support, making it clear that you are acting out of the best intentions.
Or, just sit down with her and be totlly honest. Do not go to a restaurant or other public place to share your plans. Do it at a place where she feels safe and comfortable. Be direct and honest, yet kind and gentle.

Whatever you decide, she will later respect you for treating her with respect.

My heart goes out to the both of you.

We tried counseling and she didn't see the benefit in it. I think it was/is easier for her to pretend like everything is normal. I really do hope she tries again on her own. I'd been going until it shut down again due to covid.

Thanks for the advice and for sharing your perspective/story. Best of luck to you.

@waffleghost i think over time our feelings do change and i am kind of in the same boat but we have different circumstances. You mind if i ask how you worked on it? Talking or counseling?

If you really want to end things then separate and move out to add distance so you can get your affairs in order.

We tried counseling. We did more of the activities we used to together that we had gotten out of the habit of doing. Without really talking about it, we both tried to do better at the things we know bug the other person (me keeping up on dishes for example and her not finding things to complain about)

One of the hard things will be actually living apart from each other. We're relatively new to where we live and neither of us has family to stay with.

Thanks for your input and best of luck with your situation.

Im in a similar situation. New place, no friends really. Just acquaintances and only 2 other family live here. I came out to my wife that im bi n queer, she thinks im partying about it and she is crushed. Different circumstances but i dont know that marriage is for me. Thinking on it still!

Divorce has come up soooo many times by both of us.

Hi there. Perhaps I can offer a different perspective. My ex boyfriend broke up with me recently after 9 years of being together and in the last months of our relationship, I could tell something was off and it was making me miserable and super anxious. As much as it hurts to bring up divorce to your wife, please just do it ASAP. I bet your wife knows something is wrong and is probably anxious as hell. It will suck so much for her at first but at least she can start the healing process rather than continue being in a situation that isn’t working. I still love my boyfriend and still don’t want the breakup but if the breakup had to happen, I wish it happened sooner so that I didn’t invest any more time or energy. Best of luck to you, wishing you strength and courage to get through the conversation. We all deserve to be happy, including you and your wife.