5 Phrases for People-Pleasers and Boundary-Beginners

"1. I’m trying to break the habit of saying yes before double-checking. I’m not sure I can right now. Can I get back to you on that?

2. I don’t want to overcommit; I’ll check my schedule and get back to you soon.

3. I have to check with (insert significant other’s/family member’s) schedule first. Thanks for thinking of me/us.

4. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now; I’ll be sure to get back to you by the end of the day with an answer.

5. I’m not 100% certain that I can XYZ, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I know.

What to avoid

Of course, the don’ts are just as important as the do’s for people-pleasers.

1. Don't apologize

Apologies are in order when you’ve done something “wrong” or hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally. Turning down a dinner date with friends or prioritizing yourself and your needs over work does not warrant an apology to anyone.

2. Don’t play the over-explain game.

You haven’t committed any crime or caused harm by turning down an invitation or request to attend or engage in anything.

3. Don’t offer an alternative time if you don’t like the person, place, or activity.

What will you do if the person takes you up on your offer? All you’ve effectively done is postpone your grief This defeats the entire purpose of practicing boundaries in the first place. Less is more if you're not fond of the person, place, or activity. Keep it short, simple, and sweet.

4. Don't rush your decision when pushback occurs.

Boundary pushback is real, so be prepared. We’ve all encountered eager or pushy people. Hold your ground, take your time, and politely repeat yourself. “I’ll get back to you when I know. If you need an answer now, unfortunately, I’ll have to decline/say no.”

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

What are your thoughts on these phrases? Would you use them?

#People-pleasing #Boundaries #Coping #MentalHealth