Schizophrenia Beach
I get lost in the ocean's waves,
I drown my mind without a cause,
It seems just one minute I was wading along the shore line,
The next, The waves crash and bang, with the same pattern as my exploding mind,
The water fills my ears, as my body constraints my tears,
I can't help but feel lost, just without a cause.
Just a minute ago, I was leaving footprints on the sand,
But the waves eroded my footprints, my proof of existence, and it took my body along with those waves and,
I sunk, screaming for help, but instead was a faint, next to nothing yelp.
The lifeguard glanced the other way, the bystander's ignorance couldn't see my way, I was a drowning corpse, I was the tiny needle in the hay.
I drag down further, My body gives me an extra pounding as if it were murder.
Thoughts race my mind, I can't seem to find, the remedy. I thought I saw a light, I tried and tried to fight, but all I got was a cut end. A dead end, A beware sign, I was drowning in my own subconscious,
My physical body stands upright, like a buoy in calm water, but deep inside, who I really am, my heart, my brain, my eyes, waves are crashing, tsunamis are forming, dastardly typhoons are commencing, and I am a sinking ship.
My mind is playing tricks with me, I am deceived to see, Euphoria and Depression, both faces are like my mask. In my mind, I am in a play, I am the star, and the devils are the directors, they are the producers, they own me and my talent.
My ability to show myself, my ability to stop acting and constrained by a contract, a contract formed by demons and the monsters.
"I'm in a play right now," I think to myself, I'm playing the part of the maid in distress, but I wonder, will I ever be saved? Or will I sink and die in a deep, dark abyss? Will my mind win again?
Will the waters ever come down? Who will be the hero in the play to save me?
"I know this isn't real" I think to myself, but I imagine myself as a maiden, with soft peach skin, deep eyes, I can't help but close those eyes. Think about the hero who will save me from drifting away, and crashing down, from and engulfment of waves.
"Now." I see another dark shadow, lifting me up, I feel all weight has lifted off me, I float freely into caring arms, up to the surface. I see the light again, this time, I can feel the grasp of the crack of dawn, this time, I am saved.
The plan goes as accordingly, I am returned to the shore, The devils and demons wrap up the play, they give me a happy ending, a burst of Euphoria. But there is a plot twist,
I finally open my eyes, My feeling return to my temple once again. Instead of that beach, I see a plain floor. Instead of a prince, I see the demon taking off his costume, his heroic personality melting away. I realize I'm not a damsel, I'm still the same, failure.
It might have been a dream, but it still feels so real. I still feel the water heaving in my body, I still feel like I'm drowning, and my breath is fading.
But, right now, I do not know. I'm confused to the extent of sinking in my own thoughts, It seems as if my demons want me to be part of their play every second of the hour.
I am the devil's best actor, they give me so many masks, they put me through the worst of hells, I play the distressed darling every time.
But as I want a real happy ending, I'm going to believe this is reality, I really am a beautiful damsel, and there is a hero out there that can rescue me from the worst of storms.
It would be nice to believe,
It would be nice to feel,
For all I know, it might not be real.
