OUR ORIGINAL POETRY: Share It Here

Schizophrenia Beach

I get lost in the ocean's waves,

I drown my mind without a cause,

It seems just one minute I was wading along the shore line,

The next, The waves crash and bang, with the same pattern as my exploding mind,

The water fills my ears, as my body constraints my tears,

I can't help but feel lost, just without a cause.

Just a minute ago, I was leaving footprints on the sand,

But the waves eroded my footprints, my proof of existence, and it took my body along with those waves and,

I sunk, screaming for help, but instead was a faint, next to nothing yelp.

The lifeguard glanced the other way, the bystander's ignorance couldn't see my way, I was a drowning corpse, I was the tiny needle in the hay.

I drag down further, My body gives me an extra pounding as if it were murder.

Thoughts race my mind, I can't seem to find, the remedy. I thought I saw a light, I tried and tried to fight, but all I got was a cut end. A dead end, A beware sign, I was drowning in my own subconscious,

My physical body stands upright, like a buoy in calm water, but deep inside, who I really am, my heart, my brain, my eyes, waves are crashing, tsunamis are forming, dastardly typhoons are commencing, and I am a sinking ship.

My mind is playing tricks with me, I am deceived to see, Euphoria and Depression, both faces are like my mask. In my mind, I am in a play, I am the star, and the devils are the directors, they are the producers, they own me and my talent.

My ability to show myself, my ability to stop acting and constrained by a contract, a contract formed by demons and the monsters.

"I'm in a play right now," I think to myself, I'm playing the part of the maid in distress, but I wonder, will I ever be saved? Or will I sink and die in a deep, dark abyss? Will my mind win again?

Will the waters ever come down? Who will be the hero in the play to save me?

"I know this isn't real" I think to myself, but I imagine myself as a maiden, with soft peach skin, deep eyes, I can't help but close those eyes. Think about the hero who will save me from drifting away, and crashing down, from and engulfment of waves.

"Now." I see another dark shadow, lifting me up, I feel all weight has lifted off me, I float freely into caring arms, up to the surface. I see the light again, this time, I can feel the grasp of the crack of dawn, this time, I am saved.

The plan goes as accordingly, I am returned to the shore, The devils and demons wrap up the play, they give me a happy ending, a burst of Euphoria. But there is a plot twist,

I finally open my eyes, My feeling return to my temple once again. Instead of that beach, I see a plain floor. Instead of a prince, I see the demon taking off his costume, his heroic personality melting away. I realize I'm not a damsel, I'm still the same, failure.

It might have been a dream, but it still feels so real. I still feel the water heaving in my body, I still feel like I'm drowning, and my breath is fading.

But, right now, I do not know. I'm confused to the extent of sinking in my own thoughts, It seems as if my demons want me to be part of their play every second of the hour.

I am the devil's best actor, they give me so many masks, they put me through the worst of hells, I play the distressed darling every time.

But as I want a real happy ending, I'm going to believe this is reality, I really am a beautiful damsel, and there is a hero out there that can rescue me from the worst of storms.

It would be nice to believe,
It would be nice to feel,

For all I know, it might not be real.

after she died so I cried

when I heard I tried to lie

but my heart shattered like glass

great to see you once more on our cry

I was only six, she was only six

it could not be fixed

I was so lonely after that

So I cried on and on for so long

and my dad said it --

I would not go, I could not go

I will not move away

I was so lost so I cried

into the ride to the Houma

I slept for the most but then

I woke in Ontario over me

I felt like a coward I hated leaving sauerkraut

then we got home, time went by

centered life my days were good

but not may 18th

on that day I lie I am OK

I lied that I don't hurt

but I do so I cry

I'm older now my heart heart still hurts

but it's strange

not having my best friend here

I don't get a hug

I don't get a snowball fight

Take me dancing

Take me dancing
and let my dress sweep the floor.
Keep me swaying
to the melodic rhythm galore.

We

Sometimes, we hold on too much.

We hold on to the pain.

We hold on to the sorrow.

We hold on to the things tying us back.

We hold on to the lost lovers.

To the ones who have passed on.

We hold on to the feeling of hurt because we'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

We hold on to the regrets.

Decisions made in our past that we feel make us who we are today.

Hold hold hold.

But, maybe,

We need to just

Let

Go.

Trigger warning: mention of self harm

Not the way out

Pain
Bleed
Cut
Bleed
Crash
Bleed
Stab
Bleed
Shoot
Bleed
Smash
Bleed
Pop
Bleed
Die
Bleed
Pain

Listen.
You are scarred and hurt.
But that's not the way out.

Finally good enough

One day I'll finally be good enough for someone

Not like my first parents who just passed me off not wanting me

Not like my second parents who I never did anything right by

Not like my siblings who are supposed to have my back but kinda bailed on me

Not like my Mamaw who is on my side unless it causes problems between her and my mom

Not like justin whom I love passionately with all my heart but he still wishes he had someone blonder more fit richer tanner and smarter

One day I'll finally be good enough for someone

It's just too bad that day will only come with death and Heaven and Jesus

Lighting suicide

Put the barrel of nicotine in your mouth

Just wait to see you break down cause your lungs imploded

Why are you torturing yourself

Isnt that my job explain now

(Why are you torturing yourself?)

I dont want to hear it

Dont want to be near it

I dont want to see it

And I dont want to breathe it!

I hear the lighter lighting and rage fills my eyes

Like a flame over fluid but my fuel's despise

Youre misusing the fire!

Youre lighting suicide!

cycles.

I love you

you don't love me

its an endless cycle see?

you break my heart

she breaks yours

and we both cry behind closed doors.

My body will outlast my heart. My heart will outlast my mind. My mind has outlasted my soul. When I leave I'll be nothing but an empty casing

Angel Wings

Angel wings

and other things

I'll try to fly

and try to sing

if I can't find my voice today

ill take my wings and drift away

cause broken hearts dont heal too quick

like running into walls of brick

and time and again I've seen leaks

and holes in moral tapestries

that make my wings go weak again

same old devils different hells

when we sink so low

we can't see the ground

when I got lost I felt so found

with angel wings and other things

the silence is too loud

so I can't sing

but then again

what's the use the days?

I'll just take my wing and fly away.