I am back (TW)

@ClassicAnonymous17

Yea, that was catchy, thanks🎵

@juliak1968

The weekend statement I made was just recap of what you had said you were going to do for the weekend.😂🙂👍🏻

This weekend my hubby and I are going to watch _Paranoia Agent

I've never seen it my husband picked it he said it's a good show.

_ have you heard of it?

_ have you watched it?

* Pick one Up-beat song you would like me to listen to & I'll listen to it in the morning

@ClassicAnonymous17

Upbeat? Try this fun one

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G_nOXbNetVQ

@juliak1968

I will look this up in one moment 😊👍🏻

Paranoia Agent is a cartoon i think..... i googled it, ive never heard of it though. I hope you enjoy it!!

@juliak1968

Eminem- guess who's back 😂

Definitely a throwback!!!

Catchy and silly

Man or muppet- Jason Segel

My hubby and I go around singing this around the house drives our little one nuts😂

* What are you up to??

@ClassicAnonymous17

Ill look it up shortly, thanks. Ive had trouble feeling a little overwhelmed today overthinking about the apartment. I rolled a joint and will smoke that to help me relax so i can sleep well tonight like last night. Im still waiting hoping my therapist will contact me, she is always helpful.

Im watching Star Trek now, but going to look up Man or muppet😄

@ClassicAnonymous17

Man or muppet was good, you both must have fun signing that together.🎵🎵🎵

@juliak1968

Ohhh YES we -huby & I - love singing goffying around the house!!!

We are ALWAYS singing Buffy once more with feeling song to each other.

We have all the Buffy seasons on DVD & in the car we have Buffy once more with feeling CD & during 2020 my hubby had paid for a cameo by Nicholas Brendon

😍 he sung to me !!!

Cried Big time !!!!

Does smoking help you rest better??

@ClassicAnonymous17

My x and i used to dance Ren & Stimpys Happy happy joy joy butt banging skit (Google it)

Yes, smoking that helps calm my thoughts so i can stay grounded and be able to sleep.

@ClassicAnonymous17

https://www.google.com/search?q=Ren%20%26%20Stimpys%20Happy%20happy%20joy%20joy%20&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-1-m

@juliak1968

Happy Happy Joy Joy 🙂

I llllooooovvvvveeeeee that song !!!

I definitely needed that this morning.

I woke up feeling kinda down.

_ were you able to put out of your therapist last night?

@ClassicAnonymous17

Good morning, Yea, that used to be a fun memory.

What are you asking me about my therapist?

@juliak1968

I'm sorry I just realized what I put in that previous thread.

when it's early in the morning my Logic tube in my brain does not work like it should 😂

what it was supposed to say was were you able to get a hold of your therapist last night?

@ClassicAnonymous17

Oh, no worries, i have that brain delay too. I texted her but she didnt get back to me yet. She will respond at some point. She will probably encourage me to make my own choice. I know im not the easiest client lol

@juliak1968

Right now I'm in the middle of chit-chatting with my therapist.

How was your night how did you sleep?

My hubby last night when I plapla the Eminem song you suggested he came in the bedroom he said why are you listening to Eminem in 2021 while just laying in bed😂

_ I do listen to Eminem

One of my favorites is Eminem Square Dance !!!

you said we have the same time zone I'm really curious to know how cold it is where you are?

Here it's 29 degrees with a feels like 24

@ClassicAnonymous17

Its 33 degrees feels like 33 degrees lol

A nice day, i slept good. Im still very conflicted about if i should take that apartment. It would be great if it leads to me quitting smoking.

@juliak1968

_ Have You Still Not Heard From Your Therapist??

Heads up on Sundays I'm not on my phone is much because that's the only day my hubby's home all day.

@ClassicAnonymous17

My therapist usually gets back to me quickly, but its the weekend and im sure therapist need a break from dealing with other peoples constant issues. I trust her and respect her opionion, im in good hands. I really may take the apartment :-)

@juliak1968

I hope with whatever you choose your happy 😊🙂❣️

@ClassicAnonymous17

Thank you!!!

@juliak1968

This past week you have been daily reminder that I'm not alone.

Thank you!! This past week it's been great just talking with you even about random stuff ❣️🙂 thank you

@ClassicAnonymous17

Any time, i wish i were more motivated, my minds been busy so i haven't been fully present lol

@juliak1968

More motivated how??

_ as far as the focus thing I totally understand that.

I have a hard time focusing or paying attention memory alone is very hard for me!

like I said this morning if I'm really tired or I didn't sleep well my logic tube doesn't seem to connect to my brain the way it should😂🤦🏼‍♂️

@ClassicAnonymous17

Same, I'm here after 3 years, possibly the best 3 years of my life. And now I'm back to the start.

I'm not that worried though, I feel like I'm stronger than the last time. And I'm sure you are stronger too. Always keep in mind that you felt good for 2 years and there's no reason why it shouldn't happen again. Bad times come back, but so do the good things. Stay strong!

@BlackWater

You are incredible!!

_ let me say welcome back!!🙂

Yesterday I felt really proud of myself I finished 1000 steps on my growth path 🤯🙂👍🏻

__ what are you up today what are your weekend plans

@BlackWater

Great outlook! Im trying to have a better perspective. Sometimes i just cannot seem to allow good things to happen because ill overthink everything. Welcome back, i hope you quickly can get back your routine of life in all its glory. You certainly have the right ways of looking at it. Blessings, Day

@juliak1968

I don't know your situation but I can tell you that overthinking everything during a bad time is normal, but it's not healthy. If you are not feeling OK, you have to start changing something, even if you're not sure of the outcome. The best choice I've made in my life was impulsive, it was like jumping without a parachute to me, I was scared but it's the thing I'm more proud about. I guess deep down we know what we want and we have to trust our guts sometimes.

You deserve to be happy, so don't be afraid to make mistakes. The real mistake is wasting time living a life we hate, only because we're scared.

I hope you will find your happiness.

@BlackWater

Thank you for the heartfelt and acurate assumtions. Im currently living in a homeless veterans program and was offered a great apartment 55 and older community, im scared i admit because a lot of moving parts i will have to be at my best. I have physical challenges and health problems but i know if i got it right i can have a new 1br apartment in a new older community

Its a lot tobthink about, i told them i would let them know Monday

Id have to quit smoking, thats the one con, im pretty sure this isnt a good time to try to quit. Its not allowed anywhere on the property, so 1/8 mile walk or drive everytime i want a cigarette and they dont even know i have a medical marajauna card so i smoke 2 to 3 times a day now with good result for pain and anxiety.

Have you tried pot?

@juliak1968

I have smoked a lot of weed in the past, I still do sometimes but rarely. I can tell you that when I decided to change my life one of my biggest problems was smoking. In the place where I went to I had to quit smoking pot (in a moment when I was smoking a lot) and I had a similar problem with cigarettes, I could smoke maybe 3 cigarettes per day and I also had to go far away if I wanted to do it :)

It was hard at the beginning, but living in a place where nobody was smoking made it easier. It's hard to quit when you're surrounded by people who smoke, but in that place everybody was living a healthier life, and for once I tried to do the same.

I wouldn't let the smoking part stop myself if i knew that a better life is waiting for me, but I know it's hard and I understand why you are thinking about it.

Is there any way you can go back to your current situation in case this change is too hard for you? Or would you be stuck there no matter what?

@BlackWater

Id have a year lease, and not sure if id ever want to come back. I can wait to see what other apartments they find

@juliak1968

Do you have any idea how long it would take for them to find another apartment?

@BlackWater

I just know how it might look so ill stress it. Not very long id hope theyd have others soon

@BlackWater

You stated the past three years of in the best three years of your life I would love to hear about that 😊❣️

___ hope to hear from you soon

@ClassicAnonymous17

Welcome back to you too :)

And congratulations for the 1000 steps, you really should feel proud!

Well, 3 years ago, after 9 months living in my bed, barely eating and with everything falling apart around me, I just left everything behind. I left my country with 300 euros (which is nothing, if you're wondering) and I started a new life. It was difficult in a way but not as much as I had thought. It was like having a fresh start in a place where nobody knew me and my problems, and I enjoyed every minute of it, I found other people who were in the same situation and I've never felt lonely. I realised people were appreciating me as a person or in my job, it was great.

Now the virus destroyed everything I had built. I had to leave everything behind once again, I've lost my job, my flat, everything. But i know now that I'm strong enough to start a new life again and I know that there are people out there that are ready to help. If I've done it once I can do it again.

What about you? What did you do in the last 2 years that made you feel better?

@BlackWater

It's like you said the virus kind of wiped out the stability of what we knew. I went to the gym constantly and I was a personal trainer.

BEFORE the virus hit in our area code we had 5 gyms.

I want the two of them. I was going to three of them but the last one I got banned from because my shorts are too short and my bra is showing and it was offensive 😒 we only have 2 gyms now that the virus has settled down and things have started opening back up three of the gyms have closed permanently because they weren't franchise's they were families bring in merchandise for the community. December in my household was hard for my family my husband lost three people in his life.

One -🔫

two- covid

Three- heart attack

Dealing with my husband and dealing with isolation I really needed something to remind me to be positive. I don't know where you live I don't know how lock down is there with the virus but here it's so strict you can't go to the store and buy anything for entertainment it's just necessities they are allowing you to purchase. __ if you buy things online that's fine but you can't go into the physical store and buy things like TVs are game systems.

for Christmas we did buy a TV we had it delivered took it out of the box and the screen was completely shattered 😒 I do have to say I'm extremely proud of you for starting from scratch and building yourself up that takes a lot of guts!!!😊 Like you said you didn't want you can definitely do it again

@ClassicAnonymous17

I'm so sorry for your husband. It must be so hard for him, but also for you. I'm sure it's difficult for you to deal with your own problems while trying to help him.

Covid was awful for everybody who was already struggling with mental health issues. I'm sorry about the gym where you can't go anymore (also, seriously? Guys go the gym wearing whatever they want, most of them are half naked and nobody tells them anything).

I really hope that vaccines will change things for the better soon enough, that we will be able to get back to our normal life before it's too late. I guess we just have to wait. Once things get back to normal you will be able to go to the gym and to work again. You have accomplished a lot in the past 2 years, you are not the person you were before anymore and when things get better it won't be that difficult for you to go back to a normal life.

I used to work as a receptionist in Barcelona, I thought working in tourism was great until covid appeared and we had to close permanently. I want back to my country with my boyfriend but we're living in a small village, in a house that belonged to his grandfather, waiting for things to get better so we can go back to Spain. I have no friends here, no family, nothing to do. It's cold, there's a lot of snow, people living here are very old and even if I wanted to go outside I could only go to a small bar which is only open in the morning. I feel so lonely and bored, you have no idea. Too much time to think about everything that went wrong.

It's been a tough year for everybody. But I feel that I'm lucky because I know people who lost way more than I did and I see them fighting everyday. I still have a place to sleep, some food and a person who loves me.

It's a weird and difficult situation but it's not gonna last forever. Stay positive if you can :)

@BlackWater

Barcelona used to be where I want to live when I was a kid!!! 🤯

I've never been.

Sadly no I won't be able to go to the gym when things go back to normal.

I have to lose weight and then I have to apply again for my personal training certification you have to renew it every 3 years.

But you also have to maintain a physical appearance as well before covid I was in a size 7 blue jeans now I'm in a size 22 🤦🏼‍♂️😓

The two gyms that are left in our area code.

One I am banned from do to my inappropriate outfit with the bra & the shorts.

ask for the other gym they're scouters that means they will come to you if they feel you're good enough to be a trainer they don't take applications they make requests. The other gym that's left for me to even be approached by them I have to go back into competitions and get myself back to physique godness level!

Just thinking about that and going back to where I was breaks my heart because living like that yeah I look good and I feel good but it's a lonely life cuz you have to eat a certain way and train a certain way being around people who eat pizza and drink beer that __that's hard * understatement!!! I know during covid ive enjoyed the food free will so to say!! I've eaten food I have not ate since 2015 __ yum!!!!

It's been about 4 years since I've had soda and during covid I'll drink about three or four sodas a week it's addicting HONESTLY + not to mention morning coffee!!!🤯

@ClassicAnonymous17

Wow, it's impressive that you were able to have such a healthy lifestyle during the last years!

I'm trying to be healthy but I'm only doing it for myself, it's not part of my job luckily :D

I understand now how difficult it would be for you to go back to the same job. Do you have any other options in case you can't go back to the gym? And did you really like the job, even if it was hard to stay fit all the time?

@BlackWater

I loved it I love being a personal trainer!!!

Every morning I would do 45 minutes of weights.

3 days a week I would bike for 8 miles

4 days a week I would run for 3 miles

*_ hardest day of the week was Saturday's I would take ballet for 2 and 1/2 hours

(___ my legs looked absolutely fantastic but they had a lot of muscle 😂___)

the one thing I did not like about the job and I think it was more because I got in my head over the way I looked it over the way I ate I hated celebrating holidays because most holidays have poor eating habits.