a chat for keineahnung123 and ray š
hey! how have you been? the holidays were so crazy i am happy they are over now. i am off work today so i am cleaning and rearranging my room. i think the change will be good for me mentally and emotionally. iāve been feeling pretty good lately. im feeling less lonely. more eager to get out and meet someone new. march will be 1 year since my breakup so its def time to get back out there.
how are you feeling today??!
we got a little snow. itās so nice š
@keineahnung123 lol i forgot the @ hahaha sorry
@raymond1203 heyyy omg i couldnt find the post lol, have seen a glimpse but then lost it hahaha.Ā im glad you feel good and seem to be more over that breakup yayyy, actually its snowing A LOT atm here :)) and i love it, everything is white... How have you beeen these days, youve said better but we havent beeen chatting much lately. also have we talked about new years resoultuions? idk, but im kind of on track with mine, doing veganuary now and its actually not hard for me, have some good and easy recepies i like, i think my parents find it a bit weird haha but whatever. also i wanted to go jogging more, i wanna go 2-3 times a weeek, not exactly on it, have been jogging 2 times this year, but thats okayyish. i discovered how important pace is.i really have to tame mysalf and run SLOWW. so my heartrate doesnt go up. this way i dont have to stop and walk (feels disappointing everythime, eventhough ik its fine) and im not THAT tired at the end, and its much more enjoyable.just feels a bit weird, but its actually reccomended to run really slow so im doing everything right i guess. also got a smart watch (not a fancy one) for christmas and it helps to keep track of my heartrate and pace, but tbh i jst try to run as slow as possible lol.
hey. iāve been a bit sad lately. i was really hitting it off with a friend but something abruptly changed and now she doesnāt talk to me. it rly stinks. i miss having friends. i havenāt had many since the breakup. and i realized thatās almost a year so i need to get back out there. iām joining the gym. gonna start going after work. i have my bag packed. today might be day one. depending how work goes.
@raymond1203 hey, so sorry to hear that with your friend, it suck when youre getting mixed signal or dont talk to you anymore... maybe youll get it sorted out tho, but either way going to the gym is great. you have a good attitude, today might be day one. dont expect too much of yourself tho. But just starting is sooo good:)
yeah idk whatās going on with her. itās all iāve been thinking about. i donāt want to think like this i donāt want to be hurt by this. i tried reaching out and sending a message. i asked if something happened bc i feel like i lost my friend. i think she saw the message and laughed at me. she didnāt respond. i bring drinks into work for everyone and she didnāt take hers. she left it on the table. she knows sheās hurting me it just isnāt something she cares about. itās cool iāll be fine. just sad today.
@raymond1203 hmmm it sucks... but is there any way youre overanalyzing it ? our minds often think of the worst cas scenario. idont think she laughed about you, only a really mean person would do something like that. if im not feeling to good or am under a lot of stress i somtimes dont answer texts and keep to myself. maybe in a few days youre talking again like normal.
i canāt stop thinking about it. iām so pathetic. i feel like my boy made a move on her. she would def laugh at me. sheās a verrrry tuff person with a big attitude. this actually hurts. i had a close friend for tho first time in a long time. guess i fu.cked it up like i always do
@raymond1203 mmmm so sorry its like that atm. but you are not pathetic. i see why you feel like that, cause i talk to myself the same way , but its not good. You did nothing wrong. if she decides not to talk to you apruptly then she is weird. its not a problem with you, but with her. Also keep in mind people who seem very tough have still struggles like every person. many are qute insecure but would never show it.
iām sorry. my mind is racing. i need to chill. this may be in my head. it does have me feeling like a pathetic simp. and thatās not me. iām just rly hurt bc i think something is going on and rly just wanted to help. if she would just talk to me straight up iād feel so much better. she says she cares but this proves she doesnāt. i was there for her when her mom died every step of the way. i was an aaaamzing friend. thatās why i think itās my boys fault
sorry for dumping all of that. i feel like such a burden.
it turns out the girl is trying to get transferred asap. she still wonāt talk to me. all she said was āyeah weāre cool dude lolā and i know what that really means.
i wish we could just talk straight up. but she explodes very easily. she needs help but doesnāt want it and refuses so thereās really nothing i can do
maybe her getting transferred will be better for me
@raymond1203 heyy sorry i didnt answer sooner. you can dump all that here, dont feel likeĀ a burden. It that is a let out for your thoughts and emotionst then thats good, keep on doing that. seems like shes really not well, maybe under a lot of emotional stress and shutting herself up from you. Its her. its not you. please remind yourself you didnt do anything wrong. I see why you feel *** and i guess id feel the samein your shoes, but remind yourself its not your fault. People who arent well sometimes act not nice and are not nice to their surroundings. thats because of their problems. its not fair, but iguess she cant help herself. If she wont let you help her then try and let her be, although ik its hard and it hurts... maybe someday shell get back to normal and you two can talk... offering her to talk and help is all you can do i guess
thatās the best advice! you are a thousand percent right. iām at work now and im feeling slot better. i have plans to hit
the gym after work but i gotta gget to a membership first. i tried on the ap but it didnāt work so i have to go in.
starting a new routine and im very excited about it. i have off tomorrow. gonna continue the rearranging of my room
hbu any plans this weekend
Heyy, how was it at the gym? Did everything Wenn well? I was at a frinds flat yesterday with somf other friends thst i havent seen for a while, it was good:) hope youre well
i was going crazy inside the house so i went for a walk to some department stores. i bought some clothes for the gym. i feel like thatās the typical move for people who do not last long at the gym hahaha but this is something i really want to stick with. i want to do it right. i am very clueless bc i have not been to a gym in a very long time.
maybe you can keep me accountableā¦i promise to be honest
i am too skinny now so i want to build muscle. i found some protein powder so i can make drinks for breakfast
@raymond1203 that sounds like a good plan. and yes, it its the typical move haha, but whats wrong with it lol. you need clothes so.... it can help with motivating.Did you go yesterday? and if yes how did it go?Ā I think its very cool you really wanna try and get fit. we can keep eachother accountable here. i really wanna stick with running, so far its going okay. i went yesterday (a smaller round) and it was okayish, i think i have a little bit of a cold so i guess im gonna pause a little bit, hopefully not too much. nye resolution is to run 2-3x a week (whaterver time and distance, just do it) and be able to run a 10k soon, rn the longest is 6k, but ithink im on a good way, just really have to slow myself down and run litterally as slow as i can thats a bit annoying but really helps.
wow thatās really great! i def think you can make it to 10k! just keep doing what youāre doing. you are being very smart with it all. i like running around in the cold but the ice and everything make it very dangerous.
i went to the gym monday night after work. it was good. i was very uncomfortable lol (this is so embarrassing lol) i was using chat gpt ai to ask how to use machines and what exercises i should do haha it actually helped tho. i am so clueless with everything lol
i focused mostly on my arms and chest. i didnt do treadmill bc i walk there and back. and on days i work i average about 25k steps a day. my legs are good..its the rest of me that needs work hahah
ive been having a problem sleeping. melatonin isnāt working like it used to. i lay in bed stressing myself out for hours. i had to switch my shifts today bc i was awake until 9am. i usually wake up for work around 11. i def need to focus on my sleep routine.
@raymond1203 oh goddd im so bad at replying i hate that on me... takes me so long for no reason. great that you got to the gym. first time is the hardest. and i totally get why you feel awkward, cause ive been there lol. first time in the gym i went with a frind, and tbh i wouldnt have gone alone cause im too afriat of that awkward situation lolll. but thank god theres google for help haha. but i guess you could always just ask the staff for some advice, i guess they would be happy to help.
wow 25k steps is a LOT i rarely do that many. so i guess skipping cardio is ok hahah. maybee hitting the gym can help you with sleeping? like letting out the engergy in the gym abd being tired after? hope you can sleep better, not being able to sleep is so bad...
how are you feeling?? do you have any plans this weekend. i
fknally got my haircut. my barber was on vacation. so iām off today and back to work tomorrow š
@raymond1203 its so good to hear youre feeling good:) and yeah 25k really is a lot and idk ifĀ thats mean, but especally for an american?? maybe its the stereotype in my head but i heard that many americans dont really walk much, and walking everywhere is more of an european thing. but doesnt apply for everyone ofc.Ā
@Keineahnung123 im doing okay. dont have any real plans so far, thought about meeting my old flatmate for sushi this weekend so maybe will do that. i cant sit at home all the time (well i can as an introvert but i shouldnt lol).
I almost booked myself a fist appointment with a theratpist for today. A listener convinced me that therapy could be a good thing for me and that i should try it. a always thought i dont have "real" problems or they arent big enough to have therapy, but i guess i shouldnt think like that. still not 100% convinced tho but i wanna give it a try. well the appointmen was taken before i decided, so mybe ill get one next week or so. idk. I wouldnt even know what i would tell them... but i guess i dont really have a productive way to deal withĀ āØmyselfāØlol, just thoughts, emotions, lack of motivation, idk nothing too special. also it would be just that one app. anyway after that you have to wait months lol to get real therapy (if you want insurance to pay).Ā
had a really lazy day today, was kinda glued to the phone, doomscrolling, cold a lot of the time, a bit tired. idk, but im fine, just an unproductive day. i missed my dentist appointment tho and i think ill have to pay 25ā¬ because of that and it bothers me.
dont have much money now... payed 690ā¬ for my car the other day.... my car needed a new TĆV, wich is like a checkup that has to be done every two years to ensure everything is save. it had just a few smaller issues, but i needed new breaks for the front tired, and they are expensive... the checkup itself is 170ā¬ too, if everything goes well. But it is what it is.., a car just is expensive i guess, it never let me down so far tho so not complaining about it haha.
lol i dont think i wrote that much ever?Ā
TĆV
ooooooh i get it. ok here we have car inspections and they have to be done every year (i think lol havenāt even had a license in years lol i think itās actually expired haha)
you have to be really careful where you take your car here. mechanics will charge you for everything they can. and find problems you donāt need. so ya gotta go to a guy ya know. luckily i have a big blue collar family.
thatās really sux that they charged you so much for your car.
i totally understand what youāre feeling rn bc i feel the same way. i feel like i havenāt been excited about anything in a very long time. iām mostly sad and i donāt think i should be. iām a bit of a loser but im a good guy. i donāt need to beat myself up as much as i do.
the times i tried therapy were ok and bad. shopping around for a therapist is more difficult than i expected it to be. it sux when you donāt get a good one but itās ammmmmazing when you get a good one.
having to wait months is crazy. *** just put in for it now. that stinks.
i had to opt out of group meetings bc these people had REAL problems. i heard the darkest stuff. i just get sad a lot. but enough that itās a problem. so i still didnāt fit in so i left and found my own way. it was good for a while and im in a great place. today was a great day. but yeah i still struggle to be just happy
Yeah youre right. I dind feel line He pushed repairs onto me tho. Just the braves need to be relaxed from time to time and a few lights were broken.
Yeah we have not nearly enough therapists its a real problem. If you pay yourself tho ypu can get Therapie faster. I dont think id becomfprtable in Group Meetings too, proably would compare the Problems os something. Idk waht gonne come but ill see
thatās really good tho. just keep pushing toward to a happier you š
ngl chat gbt is just as good as a basic online therapist. they essentially say the same stuff. unless the therapist or listener knows you really well. then the pwrsonal connection is impt. but for me in a tight situation the ai works
did my message about my new haircut come through?? i swear i wrote it hahaha i must of forgot to push send lol
ngl i feel lonely tonight. it hurts feeling like ive pushed everyone away.
@raymond1203 omg i just wrote a tex and then it disapperaed :/ have to start new. last thread got too long so startin a new one.
its good to have someone to rant to, thank you:)Ā
i can imagine its annoying to see your ex on *** over and over. is it really bothering you? you could consider blocking her, just so you dont see her profile anymore. i dont think she could see it.
Valentines is a big thing in the us, isnt it? here not tooo much, people gift their partners flowers if theyre nice, but thats about it for most. what did you think of to give to the staff? Thinking of valentines day makes me think of a song lol. its a song by a german singer. she mostly makes songs with kinda sad/dark/deep texts (but in a good way, i love her music). The title is translated: " the love is dead" and she relaesed it last year on valentines day and i love that hahaha
@Keineahnung123 btw i just realized that the sun is shining?!?! lol last days felt like we were living in a clous, soo foggy and cold the whole time, no sun in sight. i think ill get ready, go grocery shopping, need to stock up on some vegan food lol, and i hove i can go for a jog before tutoring, at least the weather seems good and i haven been for a few days
@keineahnung123 oh that song sounds awesome. thatās like exactly what i like about Juice wrld lol his lyrics were so sad. all about heartbreak, drug addiction, mental illnessā¦but it still sounds like rly good rap music.
do you think they didnāt send it bc you said in.sta bc they oddly enough censor that
always here when ya need a rant š
valentines is not one of our biggest holidays. a lot of people think itās corny lol love your partner everyday not just val day. plus everything gets super expensive. a dozen roses will triple in price. thereās sooooo much sh.itty chocolate and candy. itās alllllllllllot of dumb junk like this
that sounds like a great day and great weather. i wish it was warm here bc i need to go shopping but im so sick of the cold
@raymond1203 yeah i kinda like songs with sad texts too. but also texts i cant relate to too haha. like some heartbreak songs or something, but they are so good and emotional i love it and can really feel with it.Ā idk if thats weird, i guess its kinda like why people like dramas in movies. it makes you cry but you still like the movie haha kind of weird. I love when you can see some songs as happy or sad/emotional depending on the mood. that why i love the band "leoniden". the molodies are kinda uplifting and happy for me (its more like rock i think?) but if you listen to the text it has a more serious meaning, so not just nonsense loll (nothing against that too)
btw i didnt go jogging haha, i feel like i have a cold, dont feel really strong? and was a bit cold. maybe tomorrow, i feel like im saying that everyday, but i swear i will go if i feel good lol
@keineahnung123 idk about your weather but ours is terrible rn lol itās like extremely cold š„¶š„¶ 15 degrees fahrenheit (-4 celsius)
i wanted to go shopping and to the gym but i gave myself a break today. i did take my mother shopping at walmart lol that place is fuggin nuts. saw a dude with a gun tucked into his pants just casually shopping lol i promptly got my mother out of that store š³š³
im just saying when the weather is this hard to tolerate itās ok that we have some chillin days at home. i been rocking the warmest comfiest pajamas pants all day š¤£ and we shouldnāt beat ourselves up for it š ok sure we could be doing more but i think if itās ice everywhere maybe we should take it easy for a like bit
most mornings i put music on as soon as i wake up. depending on the song itāll get me hype to get out of bed. bc i nvvvvr wanna get outta bed lol
what are you up to today
@raymond1203 omg thats crazy to hear, people casually walking around with guns. i cant imagine thats so wild to me...
-4 dergree is way too cold haha. last days it was around -4 and 0 Ā°C and i hated it lol. not its about 5 Ā°C thats wayyy better. I just came back from a run:) was procratinating long tho but i got up andĀ went for a slow 6k round. went good. i have a good trail(?) here, its a good round and there are basically no peole haha thats the best, i dont like to be watched. when i ran smaller rounds i was goning a path up and then same way back chome, so the round now is better:) gonna stretch a little bit now and shower.
and yeah youre right betaing youself up isnt good, especially if there are good reasons to not do something. love hearing you got yourself comfy, thats so important from time to time. Also im also really not a morning person. I ALWAYS have trouble getting up in the morning, if its early i just hate my life loll till i get going. i should play some music too the sec i wake up, maybe itll motivate me a bit.
@keineahnung123 omg i am sooo sick today and idk why. iām praying itās not my pancreas again
thatās really great!! you ran 6k?? already!! wow! how do you feel
yeah my city has a murder rate of about 500-600 murders each year. america is still the wild west lol
@raymond1203 WHAT?? thats a lott. omg how can people be so dumb and support hose gun laws i dont get it lol. i feel good about the run, i went pretty slow tho, so i can go longer and the run feels good. Sorry to hear youre sick, hope you get better soon:) did you have issues wit hpancrea before? havent heard of it, is it bad?
only had issues with my appendix lol but got it removet so it wont bother me again haha
thereās too many guns. and if the guv tries to take them away itās very very literally going to be a civil war. citizens vs guv and i rly think our people can beat our guv. we canāt take em away but people neeeeed to be smarter. they fr donāt know how many guns are in this country. prob millions of unregistered weapons.
now thatās just gun deaths. the violence and fightingā¦thatās constant. 24/7. and the drugs are like nothing youāve ever seen before.
philly has allot of beautiful history. the declaration of independence was signed here allll the founding fathers
but people donāt keep up with anything. they just rot. itās a truly disgusting city and it breaks my heart to say that
wanna get an idea of how much the average person is a piece of sh.it. go on in.sta and check out Philly Offensive. this dude is an as.shole for no reason to complete strangerās
Omg that sounds insane... so sad, but i get taht its complicated and not easy to solve...
I found a Video of my Favoriten Band playing at a Festival (giant rooks) and im watching it rn, i love it, spreads so mich Joy, i wish i would have been there
@keineahnung123
that sounds really nice
@keineahnung123
sorry i didnāt see the bottom lol so yeah for years i was getting pancreatitis and itās the most painful thing ive everyone.
pancreatitis is an infection in the pancreas. it can be fatal
Oh i heard of pancreatitis... then lets hope you just cought a cold or somethin and itll Pass fast
@keineahnung123 i stg i wrote you a response but i might have passed out while doing it lol so thereās a thing going around called the pennsylvania stomach flu. thereās a chance thatās what i have but i have to keep a close eye. luckily i am off work tomorrow sm
@keineahnung123 ok so let me start by saying iām fuggin sick of the trump stuff lol iām just waiting for us to get past it ya know. be he did one thing that actually got me. he signed into law the declassification of all records concerning the assassination of dr martin luther king, president john f kennedy and his brother robert kennedy. these this have been buried for 50 years. what the government did to them was unspeakable. i rly hope this comes out soon.
@raymond1203 oh god, doesnt sound good,, hope its just the flu for you... how are you to day?Ā
I just picked up some pictures from my analogue camera and most of them are blurryš only a few of them are good, some are boring and some blurry, im disappointed lol
@keineahnung123 aw donāt be disappointed you might be able to use them in the future for something. itās really good you have an analog camera. i donāt see them very often. i love taking pictures. itās so nice looking back down the road.
i actually feel much much better today. i might run to a few stores and get some fresh air. i have a friend coming over later bc she wants to cook me soup. iām kinda nervous i get mixed signals and i donāt wanna try something and ruin the friendship. ngl this chick is next level lol she also said she wants to go to this event for strippers and buffalo wings š¤£ the mixed signals are going to break my brain.
@raymond1203 hahaha whats that lol? sounds fun tho, so good for you haha. i guess just have fun and youll see where it leads:) seems like a nice person if she cooks you soup haha
nah most of the photos arent useful for anything but its find, just a little disappointment
@keineahnung123 iām sure you had fun taking them. and you def learned something. donāt be too disappointed. iām sure your next try will be better š
itās been a loooooong time since i talked to a girl like this. i am def nervous but i gotta project confidence. wish me luck lol
@raymond1203 i took a lot of the pic in nightmode, and i guess they dot blurry because the exposure time is longer and i didnt hold still long enough or good enough. so learned something. the ones with good lighting turned out good, but ther isnt alwas perfect light.Ā
I guess you cant really do anthing then be yourself anyway soo doesnt make sense to stress yourself (ik thats not how it goes often but you cant try lol)Ā Wishing you luck of course:)
@keineahnung lights is super important for pictures. it makes such a big difference. see ya learned something and now next time will be even better. the sounds like progress to me
also i gotta say it again i am so impressed you did that 6k the other day. thatās a giant achievement
@raymond1203 thank you . i did it before tho, but like 2 times only but still glad i did it. ir youre slow its really not that hard
@keineahnung123 any plans for the weekend
@keineahnung123 i have a feeling sheās about to bail on our plans. she should of been out of work an hour ago and i havenāt heard from her š¬š¬š¬
oh well ***. iām not gonna sweat it. iām cool either way.
Oh noo i hope not, she coul just be stressed from work, first getting home and relax a bit before getting up again... bit yeah even if she should cancel youre still you, a nice Person.
Honestly im not a huge texter myself so maybe shes just getting ready
@Keineahnung123 oh i havent answered if i have any plans. not for today, but ill visit my old roommate again and we are going to eat sushi again:) havent had sushi in a while so thats nice. but nothing too special. how about you , do you have any plans other than today?
@raymond1203 oh lol just tagged myself haha
@keineahnung123 she actually came. she got stuck at work late but she came and cooked me an amazing chicken noodle soup. i baked a cake for dessert. but nothing happened. tbh i was too nervous. and irdk if she sees me like that. i kinda bomb things in person. but hey i still have amazing friend. iāll find my person some day
@keineahnung123 iām trying to keep myself positive but i just feel really alone. it was a really great day. but i feel like i didnāt really get comfortable. i thought my confidence was building but i felt like the same awkwrd loser ya know
@raymond1203 hey, that sounds like an awesoe day!Ā and i guess most people would be a bit awkward, thats okay and doesnt make you a loser. also maybe its good that nothing special happend, you can take your time to get more comfortabe, figure out what she wants (and you too) and just spend some time? i mean she sonds at least like an awesome friends, thats really nice to have and maybe itll be something more someday, but dont press it. itll be if its ment to be i guess:)
@keineahnung123 yeah itās prob nothing. i did miss having friends so itās nice to have that again. but yeah i feel like a sucker again. story of my life. hope youāre having a good day. i got back to work today booo lol
@keineahnung123 walking home from work now. iāve been in a rut all day. not partially upset but i canāt get happy or excited. i need to find some motivation bc rn i feel very unmotivated
its bothering me that i wasnāt comfortable talking to my friend when she made me dinner. if i canāt be comfortable around her im never gonna be able to talk to new women.
how was your day??
@keineahnung123 hey hope ya had a good weekend. i just finished work. walking home now then im gonna walk back and go to the gym. itās a lot of extra work and i bet i end up not sleeping tonight lol but i dont wanna sit home alone rn. i work one more day then im off for a week. im using some paid time off. getting paid for not working is the best. but all this time alone is not good for my mental stability. so i need to find some things to do outside of the house lol
@raymond1203Ā heyy
first of all its okay that dou dint feel compleately comfortable. it takes time. you will get more comfortable im sure.
Did you go to the gym still Yesterday? do try to get some good sleep tho, i think many people underestimate good sleep.
I met a friend on sunday, we went to get sushi and for a walk. sushi was meh tbh lol i was kinda excited for it. the restaurant that i wanted to go to was full too. but whatever we got to talk a bit which was nice, then went for a walk. it was colddd, but i guess that was because i have a cold, nose running rn, its annoying.sun is shining rn, would be perfect ffor a walk normally. But weahter is weird today switching from one extreme to the other. hope you are doing okay, do you have off now for a week already?Ā
@keineahnung123 she isnāt a new friend tho. weāve been close for months now. maybe i wasnāt comfortable bc it was my first time having a friend over in a long long time. idk tho im afraid thatās just me š im always gonna be uncomfortable
that sounds like you and your friend had a good time. thatās really great.
that sick you have sounds super annoying. i hope it goes away soon.
one more shift then im off till next week š¬š¬š¬
@raymond1203 yeaa one shift to go is okay i guess, the goal is in sight haha.
Well having a friend over is a different setting and people have t o get used to new things its normal. i get why it annoys you tho, but try telling yoursef its okay:)
did you go to the gym tho? or did you get some sleep?
@keineahnung123
thank you so much. youāre sweet. always super nice to me
i was walking to the gym tonight after work. got halfway there when i remembered they are closed early on sunday š
@raymond1203 hahah nooooo ^^ but A for effort lol at least you tried
youre nice to me too so just giving back:) also im sometimes thinking, if i cant be nice to myself, i can at least be nice to otheres, just not be an *** lol
@keineahnung123 last shift then im off for the week. i dont feel like packing my gym stuff rn so i might just do the double walk again after work. i got nothing else going on. i neeeeeed to find things to do this week. with this much time on my hands i can easily spin out in my own mind
thw weather is starting to get nice. im super excited for spring lol im over winter. my local football team just made it to the super bowl. tbh bumble ruined the eagles for me bc now im seeing eeeeeveryone talking about GO BIRDS lol it just feels hack to me. hack is like, everyone is doing it so itās not cool or funny. itās a comedy slang term. i think what the athletes do is incredible but everything else around the game SUGGS lol
how ya doing today
@keineahnung123 i picked up a shift tomorrow. not rly looking forward to this much downtime this week. im already broke bc i have about $900 in bills due next week. so its not like i can go do stuff with my time off. idk all in all i am fine. i just find little things to stress. hope youāre doing good.
900s a lot... Well but ypure working Hard, im Sure you can do a little nice Thing for yourself in yourvtime off. We can think of somethkng to do, theres gotta be something you can do with that time, something fun;) too Bad youre not already on holiday but well then its the second last day, hopefully the last for you lol.
Gonna go sleep now or at least try, its Kinda late
@keineahnung123 you are so nice it really helps me a lot thank you. im def open to new ideas. def gonna spend extra time at the gym. iām at work now. have a goodnight. sweet dreams šš
@raymond1203 i hate that i am like i am. i cant motivate me to procceed, get further with uni at all. i just dont know what to do and how to do it (and my selfestemm asks IF i can even do it) and then i fall back into doing nothing.Ā its so tiring, if i try and i dont last long and end up un my phone. its litterally so pathetic. i missed taking the necessary steps when the time was right, and now im sitting here 1,5 years later, compleately lost and basiscally doing notihing, having no plan for the future. i hate that i am like this. but i made myself likeĀ this, i could have been better but i wasnt, and am not rn. And i feel like even really asking for help is so pathertic and weird, cause i didnt even really try and id have to say that and communicate how pathetic i am. I have to do something, my parent are putting more pressure on me (as they should) and i have to do something. still i have to do it and i still have no idea what wĆ”nd how and they wont help me with this. Its like: do SOMETHING. and yeah i should do something. i just really wanna hide in bed and rot there lol. dont face anything. its so embarassing.
But i have to say im grateful for my father in this situation, hes really understanding. he doesnt get really angry just tries to push me a bit in the right direktion, askig me what im doing. and he has a lot of (mental) stress too. my mon on the other hand is just overwhelmed i think. she either ignores it or gets angry at me. i think she cant really handle my faliure, but also really cant help me at all. maybe shes angry at herself secrestly that she couldnt help me and cant process that, but all i see is shes angry that im not doing well. and tbh at this point she has all right to be angry. I mostly ignore it or get overwhelmed instantly. and its honestly not rocket science to figure out the next steps. every other student has done it.Ā Ā
Had to get this rant about myself out, maybe ill go for a run to claer my head? although i have a bit of a cold idk
hope youre doing well lol. if youre not well somethines think, at least you have your life in general under control. you have a job, do it well and althoug you struggle, all in all your doing it good. not everybody can say that about themselves.
@keineahnung123 i appreciate you telling me all of that. i am feeling so much of that in my own way with my issues right now. it feels good to not be alone in this mess lol š
iām really sorry you feel this way about yourself. i can tell you i
think you are really great and you do great things just with the help you give me šš
it sounds like youāre really overwhelmed. it makes sense to just shut off and escape it all. is there anything you can do to help clear your head or relief some stress temporarily?
donāt count yourself out and i wonāt count myself out. itās ok if we fall, we can help each other up šŖšŖ
@raymond1203 thanks for your support im think if i should go for a run. maybe ittl clear my head a bit. maybe itll frustrate me too but who knows. i als have a bit of a cold still but idk, dont wann use that as an excuse, maybe a small slow round would be a good idea, but i dont like small rounds, feels like not really having achieved something. thb i dont wanna do anythin, so maybe i should force myself to go out. weather is good at least
@keineahnung123. if the weather is nice and you think itāll help then give it a try. it canāt hurt. but even if you itāll still be ok bc ur aware of the situation. itās overwhelming but you seem very capable. a friend told me we are not given obstacles we can not over come. just try to clear ur head (i say while my mind is racing thinking of nothing but my own failures lol). itās a lot so donāt over do yourself. take small bites lol lil nibbles. keep it as lighthearted as you can. i believe in you š
@raymond1203 thank you. ill try. a small round. plase dont think of your falioure, you have achieved a lot! you cant deny that
@keineahnung123 lmk how your round goes lol idk how much sleep iām getting tonight. my mind is always racing. tonightās main focus is not being comfortable being myself and bombing social interactions. that dinner saturday was a nightmare. i struggle to let things go. i want to but my mind stays on things.
you got this!!
@raymond1203 havent you slept so far?? that doesnt sound good, typical overthinking is so annoyying... i mean i get that youre overthinking, its a problem of mine too. idk how to help you in this. telling you to stop wont stop anything lol thas dumb advice hahaha. its okay to be socially awkward sometimes. its not that bad as our mind thinks it it. im sure there were some awkward moments and thats it. i dont think she thinks badly of you because of it. its nearly always not as worse as we think of it, keep that in mind. thats just your mind overthinking.
My run went actually good. although my heartrate was apparently at the end way heigher then i thought. thoug it was an easy run, cause i went pretty slow (which is good) but i guess maybe because of the cold its still not as easy as i thought. but its okay
@keineahnung123 heyyy ya did it! nice run. very productive stuff. great job.
no sleep yet. iāll wake up for work in like 4 hours lol
wish me luck lol
@raymond1203 oh nooo try and get some sleep! for the future you could try melatonin for better sleep, its natural and my mon tried it and say it helps a bit
i took 30mg of melatonin. doesnāt do much to me lol i think i might keep my day off and relax in. my body is so tired today
today starts my day off. i told work id come in. might skip that actually lol my body is was tired than i expected today. i barely pushed myself at the gym tonight. i need to start drinking more water.
how are you feeling any better??
@raymond1203 ah okay you already tried that.. it sucks not being able to sleep well, glad you could take a day off. Did you already go to the gym tho? thats great! and also no shame in not pushing yourself too hard everytime. you still went and that very good, although youre tired.
yea im a bit better i think. have a little bit of a headache tho and feel kinda mentally instable today. i feel like id start crying at ever minor inconvenience, dont even know why