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Reconnecting

PiecesOfWhoeverIWas September 29th

Hi @helgyafy @tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul

I hope you don’t mind me creating this thread. I’m sorry, I haven’t been online lately and I couldn’t find where we’ve chatted before. I think of you all often and the kindness you’ve shown me, and I wonder how you’re doing. I really hope you’ve been well. I’m sending you prayers. Please pray for or think of me too when you have a moment. Please let me know how you’ve been.

❤️

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PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP October 20th

@mytwistedsoul Checking on you too friend. ❤️ How are you doing the last couple days? 

3 replies
mytwistedsoul October 21st

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Hello :) Just dealing with some disappointments today, thank you for checking in.  How are you? Have you found some moments of peace and calm the past few days? 

2 replies
PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP October 21st

@mytwistedsoul Oh no, that doesn’t sound good. Disappointment from the usual suspects lately, or do you have something new added on? Some days it feels like if it’s not one thing it’s another, doesn’t it? I don’t know how to relax anymore.

Emmmm, I’m doing ok. 😅 Thank you.

1 reply
mytwistedsoul October 22nd

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas This was a new disappointment, but there's nothing that can be done now.  Oh my yes, when it rains it pours lately.

I'm sorry to hear that you're unable to relax. Have you ever tried or heard of Qigong? Someone mentioned it a year or so ago. It has a number of benefits and doesn't require much in the way of physical fitness. It focuses on slow movement. Plus it's also coordinated with your breath which can also help anxiety. If you're able, perhaps a walk might help? Take in your surroundings. Ground yourself. Listen to the sounds, the birds, the wind through the leaves. Are there hobbies you enjoy? Could you set time aside to do them, it wouldn't have to be for long, just whatever time you have to spare.  Unless you're on edge for reasons beyond your control? 

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PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP October 20th

@WorkingItThrough2 How are things going for you? 

3 replies
WorkingitThrough2 October 21st

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas

Hi there, I'm so glad you asked. I'm okay. I'm still cleaning up from the hurricane, but I'm about to get up the last side of our property.I am Dealing with my husband's issh.

How are you?

2 replies
PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP October 21st

@WorkingitThrough2 You are a hard worker, wow! Do you have help? Please don’t mind my questions, you have no obligation to answer. 


Spouses—-The movies told me marriage was a fairy tale. Some days I think more like a horror movie. 😅 
1 reply
WorkingitThrough2 October 24th

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas

No, I have no help, I do as much as I can every day little by little❤️. Thanks for asking,

As for husbands, that is another ball game😊. My does nothing but eat, play games on his computer, and make messes for me to clean up. It makes me wonder why I allowed my church to put me with this man, Life sure was less complicated before I said I DO🤣

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PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP October 24th

@mytwistedsoul I’ve tried to write you back a couple times. Things have been, I don’t know what word to use.

I’m in full panic alert mode and my mind is hazy, and I hope it’s ok I need to put this out somewhere to people who know me at least a little. My husband and I, were in another round of anger, depression (mine), then peace. He’s driving back home from traveling. We were having a fine conversation checking in, but then long story short he got suddenly rage when I didn’t want to give him some of my savings to gamble with. He took a few thousand out of joint savings but wanted more for an upcoming trip. I was fine with what he took out but didn’t want to use more of my personal savings I’ve been trying to build up for emergencies. I’m struggling to build mine back up after a few years ago he took a great deal of money I got selling my old house after I said no and lost it in the stock market. We separated our finances some time ago, but every once in a while a topic like this comes up. I think we come to the same page after some back and forth, but then next time we mention finances again he’s mis remembering and expecting money from me again. Or he’s micromanaging anything I want to spend my money on. I don’t spend a lot as it is, but if I want to take my kids on vacation for example he tries to make them eat cheap unhealthy food or just controls and criticizes everything we do. I told him I was ok with him gambling with whatever extra he had. He said I make him feel under a microscope, so I tried to vocally be supportive. He’s also supposed to be paying me back, at least that’s what we agreed, but I’m ok with it going slower so he can have leisure too. But it’s like he gets mad all over again if I say something like remember to set aside some of the savings for this house repair we talked about. I told him it feels like I’m being used when he won’t let me tell him no about my savings, and that makes him more mad. I’m not trying to hold it over him, I was nervous trying to avoid bringing it up just hoping he’d remember and let it go. I have been letting go the previous money betrayal and trying to start fresh. But I told him I don’t want to use my savings for the casino, I’d pay for everything else, and he blew up saying how it’s our money and how out of line I am. I was barely talking, but when I did was just telling him quietly that I’m confused. Sometimes in the past I have argued back loudly, but I was really trying to calm him down. 

I am still shaking. He said I am trying to stop him from gambling, and it is because of him that we get discounted rooms. I don’t mind him gambling and often watch him at the tables. He was in the middle of yelling and hung up on me when I said I haven’t done anything wrong to him. I texted him and said maybe he should not come home, that I don’t want to do this anymore. Of course he’s not responding. My health is suffering and I’m afraid this relationship will do something bad to me or my kids. He’s supposed to come home in the middle of the night. I’m not going to be able to sleep. Thank God my kids aren’t home tonight, but they will be tomorrow morning. I don’t want to leave the house. He’s always threatening to go stay with his friend, so I’m hoping that’s what he’ll do.

He will probably calm down the remainder of the long drive and come in apologetic. I will just have to stay calm and not do anything to provoke anything. I’m sorry to write you back like this. I literally have no one to call, no one to stay with. I feel like I need to tell someone.

I am trying to calm myself and be smart. I cannot reconcile again. I don’t care how lonely I am or how much money he owes me. I am embarrassed to admit I think sometimes I’ve stayed hoping he would make the money back in the stock market. But deep down I think I know that if did, he would change up on me and decide some place else to put it and wouldn’t give any back to me. I really do care for him, I think he was hurt badly as a child and I wished I could help that. He can’t seem to feel for me. My feelings, he always just threatens that I’m going to make him mad. That doesn’t sound normal right? Or are these things people say to each other sometimes and I’m overreacting? He has never hit me, but I’ve seen him hurt other people and animals so I’m still scared of him.

I try to see things from his side too. Sometimes I think he is a really good person, but then sometimes I think the things that seem so good are just because he gets praise from people. He doesn’t really do anything nice for me unless it benefits him too. I think sometimes he’s a saint for putting up with my depression, but then sometimes I think he comes around and apologizes and still wants to be with me just because he knows he can control so much with me. I think he likes that I’m isolated from other people and he gets all my time. He likes that I am minimalist and don’t spend much money. I think he honed right in on that when we first met. I thought he was so understanding and kind to me about my past, but he wasn’t after the first few weeks. And by then I allowed it to go too far ands already felt stuck. I’m not sure a day has gone by since then all these years that I haven’t wondered if I should leave. There’s always something constantly. Even on a good day, I can tell my body feels uncomfortable. All this time, I have kept trying to convince myself he’s ok. Everyone around him tells me how lucky I am to have him. Makes it way too easy to neglect and blame myself.

It’s been well over an hour and I can’t stop shaking. Please pray for me. I know I can’t feel like this and go back again. I’ve never shaken this bad with him. Except for once when I had a nightmare that he was sniping me from a building. I think God has been trying to give my signs for a long time, but I also try to look for good signs. And then everyone tells me what a great Christian he is. Even now I’m still confused. My mind is already thinking that maybe I’m wrong and it’s just me. 

I’ve started to think that maybe it doesn’t matter if it is all on me. I don’t think marriages are supposed to be like this. Rocky at times, but not like this. So if it is me, then this wouldn’t be good for him either. I’m just going to have to be alone and build my finances back up again, and hope maybe one day I’ll find some friends family. I’m definitely never getting married again. I can’t remember the last time I felt in love.

Please forgive me. I have completely offloaded on you. I sit here thinking of deleting again, but I think I really need to tell someone. I am thankful if you’ve read it and allowed it to be you, or anyone else reading. I hope you are doing ok recently and reading this isn’t bad for you.

17 replies
WorkingitThrough2 October 25th

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas

I certainly agree with @mytristedsoul. Please do what you need to do to take care of yourself and the kids❤️,

Sorry for butting in

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mytwistedsoul October 25th

@WorkingitThrough2 It's always good to see you! You're not butting in at all! ❤️

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WorkingitThrough2 October 25th

@mytwistedsoul

Hello my Brother, how are things going for you?


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mytwistedsoul October 25th

@WorkingitThrough2 Things have been difficult the past few weeks. Still trying to work through many emotions. Thank you for asking! 

4 replies
WorkingitThrough2 October 25th

@mytwistedsoul

Please feel free to talk about it with me. You always support us, and now it is our turn to be there for you.

You are not alone, sometimes just sharing helps lighten the load😟

3 replies
mytwistedsoul October 27th

@WorkingitThrough2 We scattered my father's ashes a couple of weeks ago. Nothing has felt right since he died. There's a lot of numbness and confusion. I'm not even sure how to explain it right now other than, I feel nothing and yet I feel every thing. The days pass and seem endless at the same time. Time exists and is noticed only in the passing of the seasons. I can't seem to find my footing. 

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WorkingitThrough2 October 27th

@mytwistedsoul

I am so sorry, I can not find the word to comfort you. I do understand what you must be feeling. A place that I visit quite often. When I hugs-big-hugs.gif know how to respond I say to you my Brother I am here for you whenever you need someone my shoulders and my hands are extended to you. You are a good good friend and even if you just let me sit here with you in silence I will do that.

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mytwistedsoul October 27th

@WorkingitThrough2 There's nothing to be sorry for. ❤️ It's a hard topic to know what to say to. I'm sorry to hear that you visit this topic as well. It's difficult landscape to navigate, isn't it? Thank you my dear friend for your hug. Much love to you ❤️

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mytwistedsoul October 24th

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Please don't delete this. I need to read it thoroughly and then I'll reply. Your words and thoughts are safe here. ❤️

mytwistedsoul October 25th

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas No, I don't think any of this sounds normal. He seems to be pointing the finger at you for the very things that he's doing. Forgive me if I over step with anything that I say. These are merely my thoughts, alright? I think he sounds like a narcissist. He seems used to getting his way, either through fear or force and he will take what he wants without regard to you or your children. 


All marriages have their ups and downs but things usually work out. Husband and wife work together as a team to benefit the both of them and their future. In his mind it seems like the only thing that matters is what is best for him. 

I think that he's creating a trauma bond with you and gaslighting and using things to confuse you. If your confused you're often more pliable and he can talk you around to his way of thinking. The same with depression. All this has to be adding to the depression and anxiety you have. All the people that sing his praises and say how he's such a wonderful person and a Christian, they only see the good side. They aren't there for the anger. They are there on a Sunday morning to see him with a bid smile and a beautiful family. They don't know about the way he treated his wife and children the night before. He goes on a Sunday and asks for forgiveness and then does the same things the following week. 

He blew up at you because you wouldn't let him take money from your savings account. He feels you're trying to keep him from gambling. The only reason you got discounted rooms was because of him. Do you see how that part of the conversation revolves around him and his wants? I don't think it should be just about his wants do you? 

You should be able to tell him no about anything. Just because you're a married couple doesn't mean that his every demand should be met with a compliant yes. Especially if it's something that affects you both. You're allowed your own money. If you can't tell him what to do with his money why should he be able to tell you what you should do with yours? What he took from the sell of your house wasn't his to take. Did he put any money into the house or was it just you? 

I know you've said he's never hit you but the way someone treats those that are smaller than them is usually a good indication. If hr has hurt others or animals intentionally, then I believe anything would be possible. If not you, what about your children? Some teenagers act like typical teenagers. They can be mouthy and sarcastic. How do you think he would handle that? 

God would want you to be happy and safe. He would want the same for your children as well. 

No, I don't think this is all you. I think he saw an opportunity with someone and took advantage of the many things that you offered him. Some things may have been added bonuses for him. I think perhaps he saw the good in you and was drawn to it.  

You have children, while they can't fill every role they will always be there and a part of your life. I'm afraid though, that as they get older and possibly have arguments and fights with him that they may one day decide they don't want to be around him. Would your life be more fulfilled with him in it or your children? The thing to remember is that the loneliness doesn't have to be forever. Sometimes when we stop looking for things they find us themselves. God provides yes? 

There's nothing to forgive, okay? This space is for you as well as the rest of us. ❤️

Chances are, this isn't much help, but hopefully it gives you some things to think about and consider. Take a few deep breaths. Calm your mind and your racing heart. Keep your phone charged and handy. Just to be on the safe side. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this. 



4 replies
PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP October 25th

@mytwistedsoul Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for reading and caring. You said some things that I have thought but never wrote or said out loud. That helps me know I’m not imagining everything. Again I wrote you back and deleted some things. Trying again.

I’ve been preparing tonight. I noted things you said like keeping my phone charged, thank you. I’ve changed some paperwork and beneficiary things. I was worried not knowing if he was still coming back or not. He finally replied and he’s still coming here. He may go to his friends house. He was calmer.

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mytwistedsoul October 25th

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas You're very welcome. Please be careful. Let us know you're safe when you can. You will definitely be in our thoughts here. 

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PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP October 25th

@mytwistedsoul I am safe. ❤️ Thank you. I hope you are ok.

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mytwistedsoul October 25th

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas This is good news, I'm so glad to hear this! You're welcome and Thank you, I'm okay. :)

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@mytwistedsoul Hello friend. I've been trying to do a better job keeping up with how everyone's doing. I'm not sure if you write some other places but think you've been quiet about yourself lately. I wanted to see how you're doing and make sure you know you're thought of. How are you?

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@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Hello :) I was just thinking about you. Thank you for thinking of me. I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

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@mytwistedsoul I’m ok thank you. Do you still have a lot of paperwork and legal things you’re dealing with? Have you found you’re feeling any better the last couple weeks, or did the ceremony shake things up more so? If you want to talk about any of it.

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mytwistedsoul Saturday

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I apologize if this double posts. It's been an issue for me lately. 

I'm glad to hear that you're okay. As far as I know all of the paper work is done. The lawyer has been paid but we're waiting for the IRS to finish the audit. Once that's done the final disbursements can be made and then it will be done. 

It did stir things up some what. Nothing can really ever prepare you for a family funeral where you're the odd one out. They talked about how he was a good guy. How he was more of a father to his Gf's daughter than her own father. All the while I'm remembering the lies he told me about her daughter. Lies that I can't wrap my head around him telling and wondering what lies he told about me and whether any of it even matters. They were happy and loved him, maybe that's what matters and the past should be left out of it. It's hard, of not impossible to let the past go. 

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@mytwistedsoul My heart hurts picturing this. The thoughts you have to struggle with because of the knowledge you have. I see how you are so considerate of the feelings of everyone involved and how you try to discern what’s right even setting your own feelings to the side. But it’s impossible to just forget what’s been said and what we know. There’s so many unanswered questions. I wish we were there with you so you wouldn’t have to feel alone with it. 


I’ve been reflecting a lot myself on how reality is so different for each person. I talk to someone thinking we’re talking about a clear reality, but then I find out they see it completely differently and I am suddenly disoriented. I think I’m usually good at seeing perspectives, but I’m not so sure anymore. I seem to be on a different planet speaking another language. Maybe, they have this other perspective because of their personalities, experiences, and access to information they were told. But, their perspective doesn’t make your experience wrong by default. I see how that jumbles everything back up. I hate to think of you being alone there. We all deserve some moral support, who quietly knows and is just there for you. Then you wouldn’t have to question yourself.

I’m hoping I didn’t do you harm to ask about it. Sometimes I ask specific questions because I know my own tendency to say I’m fine when I’m not for whatever reason. I want you to know I care. I do want to make sure though I’m not crossing a line to nosy, pushy, or rude. If your having a good day I don’t want to remind you of something unpleasant. If someone doesn’t answer, I take that as they don’t want to share and I make a mental note. 

I take much too long writing these little posts, deleting and overthinking. I talk too much sometimes! Ok I’m going now. 😅
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mytwistedsoul 3 days ago

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas You haven't done any harm. I do appreciate your concern with that. In all honesty, if it's a question that is uncomfortable I will simply ignore it. In the past I used to ask more questions of people but after the experience with the listener I mentioned before, I don't. With him it was like 20 questions and I do not have the energy or the patience to sit and pry the information out of him just to get 1 word answers. He is one of many where I learned to just say "I'm fine". He showed me that even though someone might ask, they often really don't care. 


You're absolutely correct that reality is different for everyone. Everyone's perspective is different and affected by many things. There's a lot to take into consideration. It is both confusing and disorienting. In this case, the man they knew, was not the same man that I knew. I know that people change over time and they mature. It's just been hard to wrap my head around that. I find myself wishing that I would have had the chance to get to know him as the man they knew him as. 

I had to laugh when I read the last part you wrote, because I started this reply at 4:30 this morning! I definitely relate. :)
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@Helgafy

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3 replies
Helgafy Friday

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas

@WorkingitThrough2

@Tinywhisper11

@mytwistedsoul

Very fine written. Thank you. I hope you and I will have a fine day today where we can experience much love and happiness. And I wish so much as we pray in "The Lords Prayer": "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven and Thy kingdom come." I want us to be lifted up to our Father in heavens knee to absorb His fulfilment of our lives.

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@Helgafy says a prayer with you ❤❤

@Helgafy That particular part of The Lord’s Prayer brings me a certain kind of peace. It makes me focus on trying to accept things that I typically spend a lot of time resisting. I really want to think that all our suffering has some purpose.


I saw a notification that you will be away from 7 Cups for some time. I understand and hope all is ok. I wish you peace.
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@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul @WorkingitThrough2 @Helgafy

Gives you all giant tiny hugs ❤❤❤❤ pieces I'm glad your safe, just please be careful, remember you are a beautiful lady with beautiful children, please don't let anyone keep you down ❤ 

soul you are very special to me ❤ I know your hurting right now  🙁 death and grieving is a very very hard thing to go through. And there is really nothing I can say to make it go away. But I'm here for you we all are. We hear your words and want to be here to comfort you ❤ it's ok to talk about whatever feelings come to mind happy or sad ❤ I love you soul ❤

workingitthrough2 your such a sweetheart, I wish I could send you a hundred extra hands to clean, cook fix things up and get everything back on track for you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤

helga ❤ I hope the cold weather isn't effecting your health, and I hope your doing ok ❤ I always worry about you, hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤

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mytwistedsoul Saturday

@Tinywhisper11 Tiny, you are so sweet. (gentle hugs) ❤️ Thank you so much for being you. Much love to you ❤️

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@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas 

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@Tinywhisper11 Thank you! It’s cool to think about how even in different parts of the world we look at the same stars together. ❤️

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Tinywhisper11 Saturday

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas it's pretty amazing ❤

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PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP 3 days ago

My friends here, I want to tell you something. We haven’t known each other long, and we’ve never seen each other, but you probably know more about me than most people ever have. Not facts on paper, but what actually makes up me, my feelings and personality. Even just in the game area where we make some jokes back and forth. Sometimes I have the instinct to hide and keep to myself, but now I also remember you and feel less alone. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

It is a big night for me tonight. I did some research and found a group in my town that meets to make new friends. Today they are playing billiards. Please wish me luck. I’m so nervous and kept almost backing out. But now it’s in a couple hours and I reserved my spot, so I’m going! 😬 I hope I meet a nice lady who’s a little weird like me. ☺️

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mytwistedsoul 2 days ago

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I'm so glad that coming here has helped you and that you feel less alone! :)


This does sound like a big night! I'm so proud of you for taking the chance to go out and have some fun and to hopefully make some new friends! Well done! Have fun! :) 
Tinywhisper11 2 days ago

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas yaaaay! That's awsome ❤ good luck sweetie ❤ I bet you'll meet lots of nice people. I don't know what billiards is, but have fun ❤ let us know how it goes ❤❤

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mytwistedsoul 2 days ago

@Tinywhisper11 Billiards is similar to pool I believe? 

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Tinywhisper11 2 days ago

@mytwistedsoul ohhhhh! Thanks soul ❤ pool does look fun 😁

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mytwistedsoul 2 days ago

@Tinywhisper11 You're welcome! :)

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mytwistedsoul 2 days ago

@Tinywhisper11 I wasn't sure where to post this but here seemed like a good idea. 

I wanted to wish you a very very Happy Birthday! I hope you have the best day filled with lots of laughter and love. ❤️ May all your wishes come true! ❤️

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PiecesOfWhoeverIWas OP 2 days ago

@mytwistedsoul @TinyWhisper11

Yay!! Happy Birthday Lola!!!! It’s party time! A Christmassy Animal Dairy theme seems appropriate for our gal. ❤️

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I hope you have a super day, Blanket Woman! We’re so thankful for you.

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