@SoulfullyAButterfly Please, don’t do everything or too much for your child. They need to learn how to problem solve and that they can help themselves sometimes. Also, let them know it is ok to lose once in a while. Try to do it with a little class and self-control. Be happy for the others who won and maybe try harder next time if it is important to them. Consideration and empathy are wonderful traits for people, and our society could use a bit more of it if possible. Any chance to let them develop those traits would be great for all.
You are so right, Vest. Pampering must be done to a limit and not to the degree where it paralyzes children from doing things. Otherwise, even after being adults, they won't be able to do things on their own. Absolutely important. Thank you so much for sharing this much-needed insight.
Much love,
-Angel 💙💜
@SleeplessVet
Learn to listen without judging. Learn to listen without solving the problem. Without saying "what you need to do is..."
A lot of the time your kids just want someone who will listen to them for a little while. Let them vent. Let them share joys and pains. Let them know you are there for them, always.
You're going to have some tough talks as they get older, and you're going to hear things you really don't want to hear. But you have to listen. You don't have to like what they say, but they will feel better and more connected knowing that you were willing to let them talk.
- Encourage active engagement with the physical world. Do this mostly by modelling it, but also by making opportunities and, to some extent, toys that make it easy and fun, available. Allow mistakes. Expect accidents, falls, minor injuries. ...Remember that people do not learn exclusively from being told what others have learned--especially physical truths. They have to have the close calls themselves.
- Expect that static rules will get gamed. Becoming an adult is, in part, about learning what the system is, where its weaknesses are, and how to take advantage of those weaknesses. Children learn this in the system that their...home provides. Make honorable systems, listen to children when they have grievances, take them seriously from an early age, but do not pretend to them or yourself or anyone else that yours is a friendship rather than a parent-child relationship. Stop manipulation every time that it starts.
The above tips are two of several, from A Hunter-Gatherer's Guide to the 21st Century by Bret Weinstein & Heather Heying. You can find out more about the book here.
I'm a big believer in simple fining. Like hey need you to not leave your shoes right in front of the door. If I see them there next time then you'll be fined $5 (this actually just happened to me). And if no cash, then they can pay with stuffed animals (they get returned after hanging out with me for a little while). Easy to get frustrated when kids just keep doing or not doing things over and over and over again. I've found that fines are surprisingly effective. They work with adults too. e.g., caught speeding, that is a fine; run a stop light, another fine etc.
And loads of great ideas in this thread! Makes me think we need a hacks for everything section along with corresponding growth paths that capture our community hacks.
Hahahaha! Paying you with a stuffed animal toy is such adorable (and obviously, the part where they get their toys back after hanging out with you) ♥️
Thank you so much for sharing!
Much love,
-Angel💙💜 @GlenM
@SoulfullyAButterfly
Don’t be a parent if you don’t have enough knowledge on how to empower your child in all aspects eg. Physically, mentally, emotionally etc. And if you aren’t ready and aren’t knowledgeable to raise another individual.
@gracefulpomegranate01923
Sorry, caps necessary here lol!
THIS!!!!!
Couldn't have said it better, it's the number one "hack", minus all the unfortunate situations, where it's just the reality you have to accept and learn along the way!
People shouldn't expect their children to *teach* them what parenting is, it is not their job to teach you. People should show their children, what (good) parenting feels like.
Thanks for sharing!❤
In my house, we had what we called 'The Eww Rule".
The rule was, say "Eww" and you're taking a taste. Later we had to amend it that if you said "Eww" because you wanted a taste, it didn't count.
Before you tell me that it's abuse to make a child eat something they don't like, keep in mind: all they had to do was not say "Eww". My kids are all grown now and when they tell stories about their childhood, they all laugh at the stuff they had to taste because they said "Eww".
And oh by the way, they ALL have VERY diverse palates.
@SoulfullyAButterfly what i really wish that my parents do to me is not comparing me with other and make me feel safe ,, not over protecting also , just trust what i'm doing ... trust my mind and my power and show some emotion like hugs and kisses ...
After recently discovering my daughter and myself are autistic,I took the liberty of creating a feeling/mood month by month chart for my daughter
@PhoenixButterfly97 very good idea!
To love my son and have fun with him. Just bring you around you kid, they love you no matter what.
Compromise. There are things you can meet in the middle on. Not everything should work like that, but kids are far more agreeable and listen better when you give them room to make choices and small decisions. In contrast, a great way to make your child(ren) feel like they have zero control over themselves and their lives is to not meet in the middle on anything at all. When you take that route, be prepared for your child to start making not very good choices simply because they are choices that the child is able to make for themselves.
