You think yourself as someone with a broken soul. You hate everything about you. And even if you realized that there is no more pitiful than when you become someone you hated the most, you just cant help it. Because your own thoughts are the ones that are killing you. Circling inside your head like famished vultures waiting to devour the only anchor of sanity remaining. Still you hold on. Though at some point one finger started slipping and thats another chink in your already rusted armor. And in those moments, you realize how strong your desire to let go of your control. To just give up and let yourself fall in the deep unknown. You wonder if its triumph or defeat, but the emptiness in your heart is answer enough. Why do you feel that way? Why do you torture yourself with your own loathing and disappointments? The world is black enough to paint yourself of a darker shade.
I hope one day you'll come to realize that you have a choice. To dwell on things that destroy you or to learn to let go and be happy. It's only a matter of willingness and acceptance. It is never too late to start loving yourself. Embrace the words and act on it, don't just say it for the sake of being positive.