Conquering your Goals: Dealing with Setbacks
Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well. Perhaps one of the most important factors determining whether our goals are met is our approach to setbacks. In an ideal world, we can do all the things we wish to reach our goals in the manner we find best suited but life usually has other plans. Unfortunately, no matter how solid your goal-setting skills are, you can not weave out all possible setbacks. Therefore a better mindset is to expect setbacks and be ready with our tools to tackle them.
But I understand and empathize with the reality that on an emotional level, it's not that simple! So let's first reflect on some realities.
Here are some reminders in the form of affirmations to help you make peace with the fact that you will face setbacks. Please say these out loud. You can save them and read whenever you need to
- I am only human
- I am allowed to make mistakes
- I do not need to be perfect, I embrace my imperfections
- My worth is not tied to my goals
- I am capable of navigating setbacks
- I can go as slow as I need to
- Some progress is still progress and is worth celebrating
Think of your goals and the tasks you have set to reach your goals as a creative problem to solve. We do not need to feel bad, guilty, or ashamed for not reaching them for not setting the right tasks, or not following through. Instead, we approach this with curiosity. So when you inevitably reach a point where you have to reconsider some part of your journey, approach it with curiosity and compassion like you are helping a dear friend figure it out.
Here are some tools and techniques to utilize when dealing with setbacks
Focus on your response
Be flexible in your approach to your goals. When unexpected things happen, be open to adapting your plans. For example, if your goal is to become healthier and one of the ways you wish to work on health is by walking 30 minutes every day but it is raining today! You can either decide to take a rest day if it does not rain often or if it does then try an indoor walking workout instead.
Similarly, you wished to be more mindful of your expenses but your fridge broke. Instead of worrying about not meeting your budget, explore the most financially responsible way of dealing with the setback, perhaps you need to get it repaired rather than buy a new one or maybe you should get a used fridge instead of a new one etc
The 2-minute rule
This rule is most helpful for times when you fall off the wagon and you are now at risk of giving up on your goals. The rule is simple, you will do the thing you need to but you are only required to commit to 2 minutes. So you said you would run but you skipped out for a few days, all you need to do is run for at least 2 minutes today.
What this does is it helps you get back on track and build a habit. Getting into flow and building a habit is more important in the long run. This helps you be consistent with your goals
Ditch the all-or-nothing thinking, embrace the grey!
Some progress is still progress! Just because you are not where you wish to be, does not mean it was all a waste. You wanted to run 5k but could only manage 1k, it's still better than where you started! You wished to save 20% of your income but managed only 5%, it's better than the 0 of last month! If you are better than where you started, you did well!
Reflect on how realistic your goal is
If you find yourself consistently falling behind on the tasks you have set to reach your goal or you do the tasks but don’t reach the goal, there is a problem with the goal you have set or the tasks you are doing.
For example, you want to be active and you have pushed and pulled yourself to be consistent at the gym and its been a month, you have only gone 10 days and you hated it. Maybe its too soon? Maybe its not for you at all. Consider walking instead!
Another example is that you wished to cut down screen time, you did all your tasks you set out to do. You spend time on other activities, you have scheduled more time with friends but still you find yourself drawn to those social media notifications. Maybe you need to add a task of deleting X apps, maybe you can’t resist as well as you thought you could
The task of the week! (Please complete both)
- Say to yourself the affirmations listed in this post. Just tell us it's done!
- What is one setback that may come your way in relevance to the goal you have set for yourself in our goal-setting techniques post and what one method from this post can you use to overcome it?
Further reading
How to Stop Procrastinating by Using the “2-Minute Rule”
This post is part of the Conquering Your Goals Series. Check out all the posts here.
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@Hope
- Say to yourself the affirmations listed in this post. Just tell us it's done! It is okay if you don’t find them life-changing, please do it anyway. It's done.
- What is one setback that may come your way in relevance to the goal you have set for yourself in our goal-setting techniques post and what one method from this post can you use to overcome it?The all-or-nothing thinking is one of the setbacks that comes in my way. A technique to overcome it is to ditch this type of all-or-nothing thinking. I need to start celebrating small wins. Instead of saying that I need to be perfect and 'must' complete the whole task/goal, I can say that 'At least I tried. I am going to treat myself' This also increases one's motivation to achieve a goal.
@Admirablerainbow2825
What an important point you raised that we often forget about! All-or-nothing thinking is a common challenge to achieving any goal. We think that if we do not do everything, we have failed all together. Some progress is still progress! Small wins sound great!!
Here is a post on all-or-nothing thinking for anyone interested in overcoming it.
@Hope
Say to yourself the affirmations listed in this post. Just tell us it's done!
I did them! Felt quite nice and encouraging.
What is one setback that may come your way in relevance to the goal you have set for yourself in our goal-setting techniques post and what one method from this post can you use to overcome it?
One setback that may come my way is the tiredness of doing said goal, and the way i can overcome it is by maintaining discipline.
@Hope
- Say to yourself the affirmations listed in this post. Just tell us it's done! - okay, i have said and identified with all of the affirmations listed! the one that i identify with the most is "i am allowed to make mistakes." this is so, because this affirmation helps me identify with the fact that i am only human and humans can and will make mistakes and learn from them!
- What is one setback that may come your way in relevance to the goal you have set for yourself in our goal-setting techniques post and what one method from this post can you use to overcome it? - one setback from a goal that i have set for myself, which is saving more money and being more money conscious, is that sometimes expenses came up that i was not prepared for or could have predicted would happen. to overcome a setback like this, i will me more spending-conscious and less likely to spend money on things that i don't absolutely need.
@NewYorker11
I am glad you liked the list!
That is a great place where unexpected things can show up!
Would it be possible for you to consider an emergency fund so that these unexpected expenses can be taken care of without disrupting your savings?
For example, 10% of savings go to that fund so you keep adding to it in small ways. 10% of unexpected money received also goes there.
Great topic! I am having this right now in my life! For several months I was making progress in pretty much every area! Then boom - setbacks! I realized to quickly shift focus in the areas where I CAN make and experience progress so I keep the momentum going and stay positive! Still deal with the things that aren't going well/are out of my control and maintain the positive direction and feeling - I'm still doing the right things for myself, I'm caring about myself, I'm not ignoring the setbacks but I'm shifting into continuing more/harder on the stuff where my efforts "pay off" faster or sooner or more or into the areas that I may have neglected a little before.
so now as I have setbacks in two areas, I don't have them in all areas, so I can keep making progress!
@onwardforevenmore
I am glad the post is relevant! I hope it was beneficial
Would you like to complete the tasks of the post?
Tasks
- Say to yourself the affirmations listed in this post. Just tell us it's done!
- What is one setback that may come your way in relevance to the goal you have set for yourself in our goal-setting techniques post and what one method from this post can you use to overcome it?
@Hope
I shared the affirmations out loud with my cat. She agreed I'm definitely only human 😀.
A goal was to increase intimacy. A set back could be an argument. It's hard to think about intimacy when feeling hurt. Because arguments are infrequent, I'm going to be flexible in this situation. Take a day off increasing intimacy because dealing with the hurt is more important, and one day here or there isn't going to harm the intimacy goal.
I like the 2 minute rule. I'm going to use that today. I normally do a pilates class with 2 others. Doing it with others helps me not skip. But this week they can't make it. So I will do 2 minutes. Which, it is true, is better than not doing it at all.
@Clio9876
Haha what a positive cat!
How did the pilates class go?
@Hope
I did some. I didn't time it, so I don't know if it was 2 minutes, but I did some and normally I do none in that situation, so I'm pleased with that, and I think we can say it worked
Say to yourself the affirmations listed in this post. Just tell us it's done! It's done!
What is one setback that may come your way in relevance to the goal you have set for yourself in our goal-setting techniques post and what one method from this post can you use to overcome it? Lack of motivation. Focus on my response. I acknowledge that I am only human and as a human there will be good days and bad days. I can be rather hard on myself on the bad days but I don't need to berate myself on the days when motivation is next to none. It's ok to rest and take time to relax. That is growth too! :)
@mytwistedsoul
I am glad you are taking it easy on yourself! Rest is important
If you struggle with getting back on track, sometimes it can be helpful to stick to the rule of never two in a row.
For example, you can rest today but tomorrow you do the thing you said you would do. I can miss a walk today but tomorrow I walk even if for 5 mins
@Hope I like this! I'm going to start putting this into practice. Thank you!
@Hope
Say to yourself the affirmations listed in this post. Just tell us it's done!
I completed the affirmations! I found them helpful as I can get on myself when I do not reach my goals at my desired pace.
What is one setback that may come your way in relevance to the goal you have set for yourself in our goal-setting techniques post and what one method from this post can you use to overcome it?
One setback is scrolling too long, as a way of coping, when things are stressful. One method I can use to overcome it is focusing on my response. I can put on some relaxing music or read a book to respond to my stress better.
