Mindfully Describe Who You Are

I'd rather not dissociate myself from who I am and my sense of identity. I've longed to try and reclaim a sense of identity, and value within that identity, after being raised by my narcissistic mother, being only considered an extension of her. Any time I expressed an independent thought, emotion, or acted on my own, I was severely punished, invalidated, threatened, gaslighted, and so on. Anything she could do to control me, to keep me scared of the outside world so I'd only trust her, so I'd stay defeated inside so I wouldn't fight back against her.

Mindfulness could rid me of the labels she gave me, but I only mattered I relation to her. Without her, I'm trying to find an identity of my own, and to be worthwhile. I don't feel that emptying myself of all descriptors and labels is helpful for the goal of reconnecting with who I am. Empty, nondescript nothingness doesn't give me a sense of identity. It can relieve my intense emotions by focusing on other things than the thoughts that keep the emotion going, but I don't feel that this sense of calm is me, no more than any other emotion or feeling state defines me, and these are transient. But reconnecting with my strengths and my desires and needs and knowing my emotions and gaining insight into my patterns andother self knowledge has helped me feel like I have some purpose, sense of individuality that doesn't immediately feel fearful to express, and some value.

@Zeraphim

HI Zeraphim. No one wants you to dissociate from who you are-but for you to use your own true uinner facts about you-nothing else. Man I'm so sorry your mom treated you like this, WOW! I don't really understand why people do this to their own children that they need to love and protect-to nurture and educateI think it's really hard for someone to truly find "who" they are when someone forces them to deny/keep quiet on how they feel or think. I can only connect on this a bit Zeraphim as some part of my chilhood my dad done this to us kids-it was horrible

Mindfulness can help you with what you are looking for. Maybe I worded it wrong-sorry. No one can totally empty what they have believed of who they are. Little by little I do believe those "false" beliefs do fade as you place in the truth as you live your life. I am still to a point finding who I am. I like what you said............But reconnecting with my strengths and my desires and needs and knowing my emotions and gaining insight into my patterns andother self knowledge has helped me feel like I have some purpose, sense of individuality that doesn't immediately feel fearful to express, and some value.

Keep Going You Are Doing Great

@Zeraphim

it is heartbreaking that a mother can do that to a child. i do not know how you took the strength to stand up and find purpose in your life but it is amazing and very inspiring to me.

If I abstract the meanings of words far enough, they become meaningless. If I abstract myself beyond labels and descriptions, I'm left with something undescribable, incomprehensible, and devoid of anything in particular to say I know about it. In a sense, I become nothing.

How can nothing be an identity? Moreover, if everyonefeels this nondescript unidentity makes up who they are, how can anyone be unique? We'd all need to be a hive mind, if that were the case.

It seems like a nice way of abstracting from oneself, and if that brings calm and peace, why not? But as a way of gaining a unique identity for oneself, it seems to fail.

@Zeraphim

Hi,

Many people do have the same understanding of meditation and the teachings that you mentioned. I can honestly see how the true meaning becomes lost.

The deeper forms of meditation are actually the opposite of dissociative experiences. They encourage you to look deep within and take the time to pay attention to the details of whatever you intend to explore at a particular time. By letting go of labels you are simply opening your mind to deeper exploration. It is like putting a label such as flower on a post. The label is accurate but everyone who reads it will probably have a different image come to mind. So, analytical forms of meditation allow you to examine the flower in great detail. It is many things to all of our senses. Just as you can focus on a particular aspect of yourself and realize that you are much more than your name, your profession, being a Mom or a spouse. Those are the types of segmented labels that limit our vision.

I hope this helps clarify things a bit. It is a very useful form of healing if you enjoy the practice and want to embrace some of the advanced techniques. ☺️

@Sody

who i am, hmm, for many many years in my life i did not know. i did not know who i am, what my purpose was, what was right, what was wrong. i never really had guidance, just expectations towards my performance. so i struggled in finding my identity, was i bad, was i good. there was enough guidance from the outside world telling me how a good person should be but i could not relate to it. after long struggles i learnt something, i am who i am and that is ok, if something feels wrong it is most probably wrong so do not do it. there is no ultimate right and wrong but there is a right and wrong for me and that is what i am focussing on.

@amiablePeace77

Hi Peace good to see youI'm sorry that you had trouble finding who you were. hugs I to had this issue and once in awhile it does creep up. I think many of us have had or are still struggling with this. Wondering, falling short-things like that. I so love this....

" i am who i am and that is ok"

That there is so powerful!!

Hiya! This is a really cool check-in :D

I'd just like to share a quote: 'Being who you are is more important than being who others expect you to be'

I feel like this is very important in society today - sometimes we forget who we are and we try to be people that we are not, often to please others or because we feel we are not good enough. You matter, and it's okay if you are going through a hard time. Focus on yourself and who you are, and don't worry about being judged by others! You can carve your own identity and be who you want to be :) <3

@peppermintlove

HIya Peppermint good to see you here today Wow I really do like that quote you shared. Everyone should be themselves and not be something just to fit in. But I know society isn'y perfect and at times we do what we need to to feel approved and fit in. I do agree with you alot about society. But through mindfulness I know we all can do a bit more focusing of who we are. Bet we be really surprised at what we find out about ourselves

@Sody

This is really interesting one. The first word I came across is "Genuine". And I noticed that it is a Smiling pic. Lovely work Sody. Thank you so much.

@ASilentObserver

Next three words I saw are Thoughtful, Compassionate, Sentimental.

@ASilentObserver

I agree agree and agree

@ASilentObserver

Hiya Silent good to see youWell how does that word fit with you? Is there truth to it? I know from observing you I find that you are a genuine person and to the community

Identity is an interesting concept.

At the physical level, I have many labels like my religious status, gender, citizenship status, political affiliation, my college educaion, my relationship status, and my familial relationships. Based on my life experiences, I have many preferences for food, sports, games, hobbies, clothes, hair, makeup, cars, decorations, animals, and so forth.

At the internal level, I am atoms, born from stars--connected to every manifested thing but also the stillness, light, and time that has existed forever. There is a part of me that will never die. I tend to want to identify with this more than my physical identity, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't care about my physical identity.

Great post! Hope this makes sense and sorry it took so long for me to comment!

@Sody

For a very long time I've described myself the way I thought others saw me. That is, until I noticed that I was putting up an act just so they would see who I thought they wanted to see. It was never really me.

I am a creature named a human who is formed and shaped by my experiences, the other humans around me and surroundings. I am capable of making decisions and thinking for myself. And even though possible and impossible very much exist in my surroundings, outside of my body, in my own mind they don't. And that's the part that is all me.The part in which there are no limitations or other influences than me.

I am me

@Sody - the first word I saw is ZBOGOVE ... i think it did it wrong hee hee