Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #6) How to Accept Feedback

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

The most recent feedback I recieved was positive - which is lovely to hear! When I did get more constructive feedback my knee jerk reaction is embaressment at being found 'lacking' in some way. Luckily that feeling doesn't last long and I can see that this person is actually investing in me by giving me feedback and then I can re-read the feedback and really take it in.

I react in this way mainly because I have some past social anxiety issues lingering!

I really liked the point about having a follow up after the feedback, although it might be scary to initiate another conversation on your performance it allows you to see your growth :)

Question: Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Answer: My literature teacher commented that my analysis for A&P, a short story was superficial. To be honest, I’ve never heard anyone said that my work was “superficial”. My first reaction in mind was to rebut that I’ve made my argument clearly and listed all the evidence. At that time, I feel like I was not valuable and not respected. However, I managed to calm myself down and ask if there is any improvement I could make. My teacher then explained that the lens I used include more elements than I used in the homework.

I’m pretty glad that I listened to the advice. According to the author name and book page my teacher mentioned, I found a guidebook for literary theories and started to read it last weekend. After watching the video, I feel like I need to know that I am not defined by one single work, nor someone’s comment. I think that I should give my teacher the new version of my analysis and see if I had use the lens properly.

@Heather225

Be it a leader or not , everyone deserves feedback because there is no end in improving . No matter how good we are , we always have areas to improve and strenghthen. Recently I received a feedback on how much I helped the person except a problem that he was facing from my side that is the time management. So I knew how I was able to help the member remmebering to keep up those methods while communicating with someone and I also came to know about the area I need to improve like , replying within a proper expected time so that one may not feel ignored or uninterested to be heard . So feedbacks are genuinely important as everyone needs this to better oneself to a more stable version to be able to help others more efficiently .

@Heather225

How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I have to think of two different situations regarding these questions - first, one that occurred on 7 Cups and second, one that happened in my private life.

So on 7 Cups, I like to ask members for direct feedback, especially when I feel like the chat didn't go as well. So lately, someone advised me to change something in my listening style and I reacted by thanking them and telling them, that'll think about it and consider changing it. The feedback didn't make me feel bad, but grateful, since it's rare to get open (not positive) feedback from members. Of course, we can do mock chats, but this feedback comes from a different perspective. I think I could react and feel positively, because I asked for the feedback, so it didn't come unexpectedly, and it was given in a polite way. I don't think that I'd change something about the way I handled that after seeing the video.

The other situation was in my private life and was part of some kind of confrontation. I reacted by defending myself until I realized that this wasn't helping the situation. I then explained how I myself look back on this criticized action and what I would make differently today. That calmed the situation down a little, but I still felt hurt afterwards, and I think that the other person didn't feel good as well. I think I reacted this way because I felt attacked, and this was probably because it was very unexpected and not formulated very constructively by the other person. Next time, I'd try to wait with my answer after receiving the feedback so that I can get out of the fight/flight/freeze mode first and calm down. Then, I could ask them if they could give me the feedback in a way that I can understand and receive it better, since I feel overwhelmed by the way that they've just said it to me. I'm sure that they could, and I hope that I'd then be able to react to it by thanking them and considering a change.

Regarding these examples, I think it's much easier for me to receive feedback on 7 Cups because I'm in a professional mindset and if someone criticizes my actions there, it doesn't touch me personally as much as it does in my private life. I'll still try to apply the skills taught in the video in both areas of my life.

@Heather225

The last time I received feedback was a while ago, but I recall reacting in a curious and analytical manner first. I analyzed the feedback I was being given to deconstruct it into its constituent parts and then made sure that implementing this feedback was going to be of help to my goals, or if I truly needed it (am I already doing the thing that is being suggested to me?). Upon determining that the feedback was redundant, I was a bit defensive, even if it was a good reminder. I should have stayed calm and asked what part of my behaviour motivated the person to give that specific feedback.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: It was not a recent one, but I remember one incident that happened here with a member. It was 1-1 chats and the chat ended up with both of us discussing on the matter rather than me listening and giving the support as required. The member I would say, really gave an eye - opening feedback to me regarding , ho wI approcahed that situation of that issue raised by her.

How did you react? I was very much opened to it, I really understood where I went wrong on my approach.

How did you feel? I felt down, initially. However, as I said this was an eye opener and really happy to learn things.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? as said in the video, it may have been my EGO initially to be sad, thinking how could I make this mistake.

What would you do differently after having watched the video? To keep ego aside , and to put my rational thinking at front.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? it was a calm reaction

How did you feel? a tiny bit taken aback but overall grateful

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?
i just wasnt prepared

What would you do differently after having watched the video?
listening clearly too what the person was saying, and take the feedback kindly and improve without feeling shameful

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

The most recent feedback I received was actually on 7 cups! During my chats near the end, I like to ask my members for feedback and their opinion on our chat. Generally, the feedback is positive but recently I had a bit of feedback from a member which was mostly positive but they also left some feedback on how to improve.

Personally, I think I reacted well as I stayed calm and listened however it made me feel like I had done something wrong and I was not good enough. I think I felt that way because I usually feel I am not good enough so I think that is why I didn't take the feedback confidently.

I think after watching the video I could have focused more on what the person was actually trying to do/tell me with the feedback. They were not saying it to make me feel bad they were saying it to help me improve. Next time I should be more appreciative that they shared their advice and feedback. It should be seen as a positive that the member felt comfortable enough to share the feedback.

I'm pretty sure the last feedback I got is when I got the notification of (you were tagged in one of the forum post)

I got a positive feedback but I don't really remember what they said. I reacted with a smile and feel appreciated.

@Heather225

I recently had some feedback and my immediate reaction was to be defensive, before guilt that I had upset someone... but then I realised, they felt able to approach me, they want to give me the feedback to allow me to grow and improve, and so I don’t make the same mistake again. I have learnt that I should show gratitude to feedback.