Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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@Heather225
Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I resolved it by being calm and waiting until both of us were calm and collected so we don't say things we will regret. We first give each other a platform to speak about our side of the argument and listen to each other carefully. It helped us come up with a compromise.
Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution?
I just think getting it all done (the communication and other things that help resolve the specific conflict) as soon as possible, will ensure no miscommunication happens and will help both parties understand each other's side.
@Brinaa101
miscommunication is often a reason to conflict. Point well made.
@Brinaa101
miscommunication is a reason to conflict
@Brinaa101
miscommunication is a reason to conflict
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, during my time as Vice President in my school's council, I often faced conflicts. The key to resolving them was actually listening to what the other person has got to say. By listening carefully you can see where they're coming from, and what arguments they are presenting to you, whether they are factual or not. I would first take my time, think about what they've told me and then give a response based on that. Otherwise I'd politely ask them if I could get back to them later and try and resolve the conflict in a very professional manner.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
During a conflict, there will be a series of arguments presented by both parties. If you agree with one of the arguments they've presented, its always good to let them know that you agree to it. That always brings the other party's defensiveness down and lets them know that you're respectful and actually want to work towards resolving the conflict. If you do not agree to their arguments, let them know that too, in a professional way saying something like, "I hear what you're presenting to me and I understand it, but from my view I just do not agree to it". Politeness is always the main key.
@BecauseImBatman22
Hearing both sides of the story is very important. I personally understand its importance as there was a time when I was not heard and felt being punished unfairly. It's a good strategy to take time to reflect and then come back to it.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution?
1- I have managed situations like this in my job before since I am a Resident Assistant. I usually make sure that I listen to both sides of the issue and try to look at it like if I was in their shoes. Then try to deescalate the situation and try to talk to them at the same time in a passive manner to help solve the problem.
2- I think that I would suggest always using communication, in other words just making sure that they are aware of what the conflict is and try to make them see each other's point of view which helps them feel compassion towards each other.
@Andyallen
Understanding each other's point of view and being able to feel compassion is an important part of conflict-resolution. Thanks for sharing.
1. Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have faced conflict resolution situations a few times. One of the things I would do is to ask reflective questions. Making them observe their own action, why they did what they did, the emotion behind it, and how that could have been done in a different way.
2. Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution?
A lot has been covered in the listed tips. I have faced situations where conflict is caused due to not respecting each other’s personal and emotional boundaries. So, setting the right boundaries from the beginning and being able to assertively expressing them can help avoid the conflict itself and can also, be used as a conflict-resolution later.
@ResilientLucky
I cannot agree with you more on the boundries part!
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it? I have been on a side of a conflict situation. In order to resolve this I let both parties speak which was their rights to, but then I tried to point out the different perspectives. The conflict ended up being resolved because the parties saw why the other retaliated the way they did.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? Staying neutral and not taking anyone's side
@Heather225
1. Yes I have been in conflict before. We both before discussing about it, sat and thought about what happened and why it happened. Then, we talked about it. Unfortunately we didn't come to any common ground but atleast we don't have any bitterness towards each other<3
2. Try not be loud, it could easily make other person overwhemled and they might think you are being rude, even when you are not.
Yes I have in the workplace and in personal life. Though different environments the mental toll and effects are just as heavy.
To reslove it, is to try and walk away from it if possible, giving you both time for space to calm and think. Then come back together in a calm manner, OR professional manner too if it is at work. This is of course easier at home but if at work it is to know you have the option to walk away by expressing to the person in a respectful way " you don't wish to arque about this, lets allow it to pass for now and we can come back to it tomorrow" - or set time and day together)
If at home and you find no compromise then it is best to agree to disagree, thier is no compromise or win win for both.parties.Maybe time will find it.
If at work and still disagree then you could try agreeing to disagree, but don't let it it effect your work and working relationship. Otherwise organise meeting for both parties and supervisor/management or HR.
Can you think of any tips we havent listed to facilitate conflict-resolution?
I have always been told - The first person to raise his or her voice has lost the discussion. Once this happpens its pointless to carry on because they have also lost any sight of reasoning or compromise. Don't try to push it.....just walk away and come back to it later.
I feel with conflict resolution we need to really take in depth what the person is saying, listen, understand and really look at the situation. Then calmly relate back what you have heard and relate bafck your ideas and views.
We so easily only hear from the surface level and not hear fromm deeper level. Show the other person you understand from their level and return your response at their level.
Hopefully this way with both being at the same mind and emotion level you can compromise easier and have win win for both of you.
We all want to be respected and heard but for that to happen we all need to be coming from sense of calm.
@Cazzy8752
I love your answer, so many good points made. One of my favorite ones from your answer is about family conflicts that it is sometimes good to settle in agreeing to disagree.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
1.) we manage conflict resolution situations every day i think :0 and it enables us to learn from them. trying to understand someone else's point of view is really important.
2.) by listening. listening solves a lot of things more than you'd think. instead of defending your actions, listen.
Hello, @milkoreos ! I agree to you, it is important to understand someone else's views too, as it gives us the opportunity to learn and able to see the situation through various points.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? Often times, when the conflict is between 2 other people trying to pull you in, its best to avoid the situation and walk away.
@explore1000
Agreed, stepping back in some situations seem like the way to go!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have been on a side of conflict a few times due to miscommunication, especially in text-based communication. I resolved the conflict by remaining calm and understanding the situation, letting the other person speak without blaming them, by showing clarity and putting my point too. I also took responsibility for any miscommunication that happened from my side which helped the conflict get resolved.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Allow yourself to reflect, observe and understand the situation and the other person's perspective. Avoid reacting in a rude or impolite way.