Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
it’s a ‘rethinking, overthinking and doubting everything’ kind of night again which means that i’m probably gonna post a lot already.
i’m not expecting replies tbh bc idk if i myself could put up with this kind of me. ngl idek if it was a good idea, now i’m starting to think that people might just see this side of me and realise that eva can’t always be her happy positive sweet supportive self 🙃
@justmeeva u dont always have to be ur happy self :0 smtimes its okay to be low. And if u feel low more than sometimes than its our fault as a society for creating a low environment :0
@justmeeva and thats completely okay and thats very relatable
i just realised how easy i am to replace :D isn’t that a cool discovery
i think i’m returning to the bad place. things are going downhill again. i’m getting worse again. what a shame.
i feel like i’m starting to lose people again :D but what can i do, it happens. always does. they all leave at the end and idk why. it’s not like it doesn’t hurt but idk if i’m able to try and fight anymore. i’m probably the reason anyway. maybe it’s just better that way 🙃
just to be clear: i’m gonna be pretty impossible here. this is the place where i come when i don’t have the energy to be positive and nice anymore. if i for some reason leave an impression like i don’t care, it is not true. i do. sometimes that’s the problem. anyway, i do appreciate everyone here, i do appreciate compliments and motivational messages, i really really do, but sometimes i’m too tired to be okay. to pretend to be okay. i’m writing this as if i expect anyone to see it lol. sorry in advance for the mistakes i’m gonna make.
random quotes/sentences/messages that explain my mind:
the more i care the more it hurts.
i hate emotions so much. i’d do anything to get rid of them. but… i also complain when i’m feeling numb. i think i want too much. i think i’m selfish. always complaining. stupid emotions. stupid feelings.
one day i’ll move out, have my own life, gain control, be healthy, get everything i’ve ever wanted and be happy. however, it’s gonna take years to get there. until then, i’m just trying to survive.
i don’t know me.
“disappointed but not surprised.”
“who do you want to be when you grow up?”
someone else.
“you will never regret being kind” they said. then why do i kinda?
''you left me but never my mind.''
its crazy how one negative thing can destroy and delete every good thing ever said or done to you. everything just gone with a blink of an eye. it’s pretty scary. how words and actions can affect people like that. why is it like that?
why do sad depressing songs comfort me so much lol.
ngl i’m kinda afraid of people finding out about how i’m not doing okay.