my journal: various subjects, opinionating, CW at times
The title explains itself.
If you're interested in the ramblings of a middle-aged man with chronic conditions who, at times, sees things a little too clearly for his own good, then read on.
Sometimes I get political, but it won't be all the time.
I don't mind comments in general but if you're going to differ with what I write, that's fine--as long as you can explain your position clearly & reasonably. Rants, shouting & general incoherence will be ignored or flagged, depending on the situation. Try to remember that not everyone else in this world holds your beliefs.
Every so often I may post art or snapshots of projects I'm working on.
If you're still interested after reading all the above, great. (I do wonder at how much time you have on your hands, though)
A word of advice: be careful about what position you go to sleep in. You pick the wrong one & even if you feel okay drifting into unconsciousness, you will pay the price as soon as you wake up.
This is the 2nd day of neck pain...the right side, toward the back...on top of the usual aches & pains. Uuugggghhhh
We're in Slow City, baby. 🐌 🧟♂️
In too much pain to get anything major done today...
I wish I hadn't been born.
@slowdecline48 Oh yeah 😬 been there and it has to work it's self out on its own time. Nothing's helps 😞
I knew you'd understand, Twisty...
Although we've never met, at this point I'm getting an impression that if we were neighbors, we'd get along famously. Just about every time one of us visits the other's journal, there is never a question as to whether it's understood or not.
@slowdecline48 I think we would too 😀 and man on the good days we would get s..t done!
The price of gold/oz over the last three months.
It reached a series of record highs in January & will probably go higher, for the same reason: Trump's fixation with imposing tariffs. With China slapping a few on imports from the US in ***-for-tat, many investors are nervous about a trade war between the two biggest economies on Earth...such a conflict would slow down growth, globally. Int'l trade would of course be affected. These possibilities have sent people looking for "safe haven" assets...& gold is the original safe haven. Has been for a few millennia now.
...so I'm on doxycycline now.
Been on it once before & it did the trick, but you have to hydrate well when you're taking it & can't be out in full sunlight for too long. How am I supposed to stay inside this little crackerbox & get all my errands done at the same time? The only things I can do while staying home is pack stuff, & throw stuff out. 😒
The next few days will be interesting.
...Now if only my ears would stop hurting.
How do I sleep in a situation like this? I can't drink myself to sleep, obviously...(also I haven't had anything in at least two weeks, & don't feel like it now)... Would ibuprofen work? I hope it doesn't interfere with the doxy...
@slowdecline48 Ibuprofen is safe with it. I'm not sure if it'll help much with an earache though. Hopefully the doxy will kick in and help that. I feel for you Slow. You've got to be feeling pretty lousy right now. I hate when anything hurts in my head. Teeth, ears, headache - it all sucks. Hope you can get some rest and you feel better - even if it's just a little better tomorrow
@slowdecline48 hope that gets better soon. Yikes. And also, you cant get out in the sunlight? Can medicines really turn you into a vampire? My literal first thought
@unassumingEyes Well I tend to be more active at night in any case, so I'm already halfway there...
@unassumingEyes -
I wasn't sure if it was okay in your journal, so I posted it here...saw this & thought of you:
Yeah, the acting & script is "after-school special". I didn't write it so don't blame me for it, please.
Wouldn't put total confidence in a self-diagnosis*--there's a reason why doctors go to medical school--but still, if that's you...
If you really have that condition, getting it fixed should be your first priority once you're living on your own. You won't lead a productive life, let alone a pleasurable one, if you're chronically underweight with a psychological condition that manifests in a full-auto gag reflex.
*I'm an example of that. From the research I did, my initial symptoms seemed like Meniére's disease & the first ENT doc said the same thing, so I figured that's what it was. Seven years later, it was only because another ENT doc gave me a few tests that revealed the initial diagnosis was incorrect! Make sure you get checked out by a professional, first chance you get.
@slowdecline48 ARFID has many types. The type Dhar Mann focuses on is the one which has actual fear at the thought and sight of eating certain foods. I get anxious, true, but not afraid as depicted. To explain what I do get, I'm going to take the Jelly donuts example (oh. I wouldn't eat those either)
- the sight of the jelly or whatever coming out the donut is enough to make me nauseous (but I won't actually throw up)
- I tried to eat that then God help me
- I'm just looking at it, but I can feel the texture and glaze in my hands and it's making me want to wash my hands and shudder
- If that donut is grainy in any way I will struggle to swallow it (will be gagging)
I do manage to eat what's termed as unsafe foods, but it is a horrible experience and I prefer to do what's in the name- avoid
I dont throw up nearly as much as depicted, infact I rarely do. But again, different types.
Also it's nice of you to share 🙃
"... it's nice of you to share 🙃"
😆 I can't tell whether you meant that or not!... I was just on YT after getting home yesterday evening, because I was bored, & the video came up. Inevitably, it clicked inside my head: "ARFID"--hey, that girl in Pakistan mentioned this. She said she has a hard time eating just about anything. Maybe I should watch...?
@slowdecline48 it was genuine! xD
Im surprised you even remember the name of it, to be honest!
The doxy is doing its work, I'm sure of it. Congestion-wise I'm not quite as stuffed up...could be the prednisone too. But right now I don't feel like doing anything because that wonderful invisible c-clamp is torqued down on my head, again. 🤕
Could get a few things done tonight instead...
@slowdecline48 The look of shock 😂 Glad it's helping! Now for the c-clamp to loosen it's grip!
Take your chuckles wherever you can...it's a motto I live by.
If it weren't for the problem of adequate ventilation, I'd get or build a coffin just to sleep in. That would be right up my alley...not to mention no interfering light when the lid is closed. It would be nice & cozy. 😁
@slowdecline48 You could add ventilation. It would definitely be a wild conversation piece if you get visitors! I couldn't sleep that closed in. I'd jerk awake - sit up quick and knock myself back out 😂😂
@slowdecline48 are you sure youre not a vampire?
😆 Take it easy, I don't drink blood. Can't do that...it would be too close to the old blood libel, so dear to European Christians until not so long ago, & sometimes used by other parties today who will remain nameless (for now). Consumption of blood is discouraged among us generally & human blood is prohibited...I actually have a kashering bowl for that reason.
@slowdecline48 what? I have never heard of the blood libel. What
Welcome to the history of my people, dear. Or the tragic part of it, anyway. (Much of our existence was like that until fairly recent times)
What do kids learn in Pakistan, besides other Eastern languages & Pak history & the Quran?...I get the impression that certain academic fields are left out. Are there any good universities there?
@slowdecline48 religion, languages, pak studies, and sciences. Those are our subjects. There is O-level and A-level (Cambridge, I think) available here, but expensive- what do you expect? I don't pretend to be proud of the education system here. There is lots to fix. But there is an educational board in Islamabad that's working on it. They're doing good.
*sigh*
Trying to save my strength today, because tomorrow I have to get to the storage facility & nail down my reservation there. That will be a drive...of course I'm bringing stuff. My art, woodwork & DIY books will be the first ones to go in...that'll empty the shelves in the living room. What else....some of the books in my bedroom? Am not bringing any of my tools to the storage unit--I was doing quite a bit before I got sick, & still have a few projects to finish, including a rather large one. It'll be simple, though...
There's supposed to be rain this afternoon. So far I haven't seen a drop.
The good news is my truck is street-legal now. Got a license plate & everything. The taxes, though!...
@slowdecline48 Hey good job! Glad you got your beast all legal. Oh yeah. . Taxes are freaking ridiculous. Taxes to make it - taxed to spend it and taxed when you d.ie. Total BS
Cool. I've been thinking the truck needs a name...not sure what to name it yet. It has to be a suitable name..."Stanley" is out. So is "Malcolm", "Tiny Tim" or any other such name. Nothing with a 5.3L powerplant can have names like those...
@slowdecline48 Goliath lol! Rogue or Titan have a nice ring to them too
🤔 ...I was thinking of something like "Avispado".
(That was the name of a bull who did in one of the most famous toreadors in Spain)
@slowdecline48 My spanish is really rusty so I had to Google it lol. It's definitely a unique name!
@slowdecline48 sorry, do you actually get taxed after passing away? Thats an exaggeration, right?
....right?
@unassumingEyes Unfortunately it's not an exaggeration. I just went through this with my father's estate. The government taxes anything and everything in the estate. Money, possessions, it doesn't matter. He gave me a car that was paid off but I had to pay taxes on it's worth. His GF and her daughter got money and that was taxed. The only difference was their tax rate was higher because they're not related and mine was lower because I'm his kid. 😐
@mytwistedsoul @slowdecline why? Why would de.ad people owe the government anything 😀
@unassumingEyes You're asking the wrong people, hon...questions like that are for the IRS.*
*Internal Revenue Service, i.e. the government's tax-gathering agency.
"sorry, do you actually get taxed after passing away? Thats an exaggeration, right?
"If one feels endangered by meaninglessness, then one is under an obligation to refuse meaningless pleasure and to resist meaningless work..."
- Wendell Berry
...gonna hafta try to get things done today with a bit of vertigo. Isn't that lovely.
Be safe don’t over do it
Let us not forget that the whole time I've been doing all that stuff in previous journal entries, every day we've all been breathing this:
POLITICS, n. 1. The art of gaining &/or retaining power over other people. Of all the forms of power that manifest, this is the oldest kind & that which makes most other forms of power possible. 2. An inevitability whenever two+ sentient* organisms live within each other's proximity. 3. That activity which is carried out by deception, coercion, popular vote, imperial decree or--in more direct fashion--by bullets, bombs, blades & fists, as explained by Clausewitz. It is often associated with conflict, which is the most basic & elemental kind of human relation. 4. A uniquely human satisfaction.
*Presumably.
In unimportant news, lately I've been having this as possibly a side effect from the doxycycline:
@slowdecline48 Oh damn. There always seems to be something bad that comes with the good. Does Imodium or Pepto help? It might help calm down your insides
@mytwistedsoul I don't know...usually when Montezuma possesses my GI tract, I just eat some hard cheese & wait for him to get bored & leave. This time it wasn't too serious. Will try Pepto or something the next time it does get serious.
This song is stuck in my head tonight: Spoonful
@slowdecline48 That's pretty good! I like that!
@mytwistedsoul Thanks. I discovered blues when I was 19...it meant a lot to me, at that time in my life. Became a fanatic & listened to blues almost exclusively for over two years after that. Later on I started to look at other musical genres (that weren't pop--I've only contempt for most pop music) but even now, I still love the blues. It was made for people like us.
@slowdecline48 I have to admit I do like some (and I use that word loosely) pop songs. I'm more metal core I guess lol but I do have a soft spot for blues
Thanks for sharing that song. I added it to my playlist 😀
I don't know much about "metal core", but metal itself will never die. For a while there was nu-metal (didn't Limp Bizkit play that?)...one of my followers in the online art community I'm in is a metalhead. Speed metal & death metal are still around; that much I know.
I tried listening to one tune he had a link to in his journal..."tune" isn't quite the word for it. If I ever heard noise like that from my chainsaw I would immediately drop it & get away, before it explodes.
You know what's annoying? When it's after 4 a.m. & you're jonesing for a steak.
I was wide awake...all I could think about was an inch-thick slab of beef hot off the grill, & a little pile of shrimp right next to it. Wonder if this is a middle-aged guy thing...
@slowdecline48 Mmm sounds delicious! Any chance you can feed that craving? 🤤
@mytwistedsoul Not right now...maybe later. I'll have to see if I can afford it.
