in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
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whyād that actually help distract me for a while
i genuinely feel so horrible tho I wanna skip to the next dayĀ
no one came I just got sick- I already was sick I just feel sick..er.
byebye.Ā
@iloveyouxx I hope you're feeling better now š
@mytwistedsoul
aw thank you š I wrote a long post about last night and this morning and Iām not sure if Iām gonna post it but Iām not exactly better- xD Iāll just be off for the rest of the weekend probably š
@iloveyouxxĀ
Hope you feel better soon š©·
@unassumingEyes
š©·thank you š I missed you, howāre you?/nfatš
@iloveyouxx missed you too š©· i woke up to chaos today. Chaos just finished and i m exhausted and have to study. Isnt that lovely š« Ā
Howre you? Feeling any better?
@unassumingEyes
aw. wish we could catch a breakĀ :') was your mom yelling again? that was upfront but you wanna talk about itš
I wish I could say stop studying so much but this years so hard and now I need to study so muchšitās still hard to care tho but then for you itās your parents and expectationsĀ you definitely study more than me. I really hope the year passes fast for both of us (if you want it to because I really want it to TvT) š©·
I donāt know but I showered today for the first time in-ā¦a while. itās not a depression thing I donāt even know why I havenāt in so long but at least I did today? and Iām still sick and not doing so great in my head xD and nightmares are still really bad and schools tomorrow andillstoplolwhyamistilltalking thankyou for asking tho š
can I put a louis photo here to lighten theā¦atmosphere xD ;-;š
@iloveyouxx we love louisĀ š
Tw it wasnt my mom exactly it was a whole situation where grandmother had an eye operation and she was staying at our house after and there were some complications yesterday and we didnt have our driver so we had to call my uncle from the other side of the city and he came and brought medicine and we waited to see if the medicine would work but it wasnt working so he took her to his home so that if there an emergency at night he cld drive her to the hospital and then mom had a migraine from the worry and yelled at us-
Sorry just ignore the rant-
I want the year to be over so bad omg and next year too can i just skip-
I get the nightmares like idk if my dreams are really nightmares its just dreams of me messing up so bad and i wake up so mad at myself xD
šŗšŗšŗ
Hope u feel better soon! (second time i said it but i gotta say it till it works xD)
my friend the absent for a week one went to the hospital and got diagnosed with something serious and sheās been put on a strict isolation to prevent it from spreading until she gets better and sheās not gonna be in school at all any time soon
im so worried and scared and sad Iām not even upset that sheās not coming now Iām just gonna look so targetable because of how um- friendless and weird and lonely Iām gonna look all the time.Ā
but Iām genuinely so sad it was so random that one day she came before she was absent for a week she was just a little sick and her throat hurt bad but idkĀ
I donāt even feel like anything anymore. those days she wasnāt there were so horrible for me not just her not being there but everyone thought they could do anything to me not because if she was there she would defend me but because itās just easier to pick on the lonely kidsĀ
what if she dies. hold on let me look up the probability. Ā
so for our age apparently itās more unlikely and younger people are- safer- or like have a better chance of getting better early.Ā
Iām not calm at all I just donāt know what to doĀ
Iām gonna make her something for the next time I see her. also the diagnosis isnāt like something bad to talk about I just feel wrong you know talking about my friends diagnosis even if no one here knows who Iām talking about Iām not even gonna tell my lead teacher if she asks or anyone elseĀ
I canāt even rest anymore my heart rate went up in a minute I didnāt even know I cared that much I genuinely didnātĀ
I havenāt even replied yetĀ
whyy do I always hate people until they *** die or something and then I realize oh *** I didnāt actually hate themĀ
or I just distance myself from people so much to the point where itās like we never knew each other and then I just lose everyone
but itās never like me making everyone leave and then crying about everyone leaving but something always happens and itās confusingĀ
in my dream my mom tried to kill me.
Tw stabbing killing iidk-
I donāt know. I donāt know what it had to do with anything and why and what it could mean
it was a longggg dream
Ā I actually remember a lot. ish.Ā
so. she lived far in this big dark ish place
she wanted to kill me cause idk.Ā
she had a bunch of daughters she was training (to kill meāØ)
one of her daughters was youngest and was supposed to pretend to be my friend and stuff
and I didnāt trust her
and then she took me to this place and then she felt bad and told me they were in there ready and it was all part of their plan
so we ran out and I still didnāt trust her
and then we went to her house
and then her mom (my mom-?) came home and the daughter told her she had a friend over and then she was like oh aw bsjbejs
and then she saw me and obviously thought I looked like me (she doesnāt know what I look like now irl but yk)Ā
and I said my name was Nadia (itās notāØ) I make a lot of my accounts and stuff with the name Nadia
and I was 9 years old and then I think the moms dad came and he saw me and he was like oh she looks so much like- me-
its a really long dream but yk main bitsĀ
so a lot later I think we were playing a game and idk what happened my real voice slipped out I think and my hair tie fell out and then her mom realized it was me and I saw her holding a knife and I was just acting stupid then she tried to stab me and idk what I did but she fell on the floor with the knife under her pointing upwards so she stabbed herself then I was running out and trying to escape and all her daughters were there and idk what happened afterĀ
:>Ā
I washed my hair today. I felt gross so I asked my dad if I could wash my hair and he looked at me so annoyed and he was like okay Iāll do it for you just wait and I was like bro never mind then cause what do you mean but later he was like youre gonna wash your hair and I was like yeah I want to and he was like okay go so. I washed my hair :> and then I spent a long time waiting for it to dry cause Iām scared Iāll somehow mess everything up using a blowdryer and then I spent a long time trying to straighten it and I straighten my hair almost everyday but today was the day to cry about having ugly natural hair and I was frying my hair so much that my lungs hurt and I put the ac so cold but it was still so hot and the air was like toxicĀ
my hairs not completely fried tho. I used a heat protectant :> a natural heat protectant, argon oil apparently cause I just found a big bottle of it in front of my mirror so my hair feels betterĀ
Iām gonna continue soon Iām just resting-
I decided to get up and get the hair straightening over with cause I donāt want to spend a long time on it in the morningĀ
im still missing some bits :ā) Iām so tired tho I got a chair and put it in front of the mirror like my back hurts my hands hurt my head hurts so bad my legs hurt itās so hot the air is like suffocatingĀ
I forgot but :0 did anyone notice- my bios gone :> itās been gone for I think over a month now? maybe in 2025 Iāll write up a new one lolĀ
@iloveyouxx (saw that- i actually check to see if uve put a new one yet xD no pressure ofc)
