in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{4am friday. last day of the week and then it’d be 0.5/10 months covered.} 

_{*looks around* sorry I got busy-../j}

_{I actually haven’t been gone that long but it feels like it’s been so long} 

_{I’m officially cool!! I went out with people! with my friends! and we were together all day until 10pm! *cool emoji*/j but um yeah it was fun my dad kept saying I never told them I was gonna go with them in their car but I definitely did he just never listens I know I did and he just went yeah yeah okay okay but I still messaged him when I got there like btw incase you forgot I’m with j. and then he was like can you give me her number I wanna talk to you and I had to talk to him in front of her like it was a normal father daughter convo and she was like what’d he say and I was like oh yeah no he just wanted to make sure I was okay.}

_{im too tired to talk about everything but it was fun. I saw four people from our school and year group but it’s fine :’) now they think I have friends.} 

_{also she posted a photo of me and her with my permission and only the people she had added could see it but everyone she had added were people from our school and soo many of the popular kids from our year group saw it everyone that saw it was year9 and after a couple of hours 52 people saw it idk how many people saw it now (I went through every single person that did see it by then they were all from year9 (‘: ) but- it’s fine right- there’s no reason it wouldn’t be} 

_{i have so many tests. we’re having all our baselines next week (2 days?) and I was talking to someone about it and someone just randomly joined the convo and they said that baselines affect your grade. I never knew that :’) I just wanted to fail so that when I’m put into the lowest sets I can actually try and then I’d pass all my target grades and have the most progress and improvement and seem really smart.} 

_{my dad just called me and told me to read something off his phone. it was a school email. and I sort of just read over it and it wasn’t even for me it was for my brother and he scared me so bad and I got mad because why’re you mad at me you just assumed I did something wrong and didn’t even bother reading it or anything and he got mad at me for I don’t know what but I went back to my room and he just went charging after me and my brother closed the door from outside before he could get in and he just started yelling and he did get in and I won’t talk about the rest but when he stopped he did the thing with the face where he’d look around and. I don’t know. I used to think it was the face he made when he realized oh *** my own daughter is scared of me what am I doing. but yeah no. idk he didn’t hurt me too bad he gets so violent tho I just :’) sometimes I wanna be like bro are you going through something because why does he hate me so much seriously but if he was I genuinely would not care like 14 years of living with him 12 years of this *** being affected by it and 4 years when my brain powered back on and I actually understood that I was going through stuff it’s so impossible feeling bad for my dad because he was never a dad to me just a part of my childhood trauma and a *** human.}

_{page 93 is crazy- I gave chatgpt a math equation to work out} 

To find the average number of posts made per day, we need to calculate the total number of posts and divide that by the number of days between March 18, 2024, and September 7, 2024.

1. Total number of posts:

Each page has 40 posts, and they are on page 93, so:

 93 \times 40 = 3720 \text{ total posts} 

2. Number of days:

From March 18, 2024, to September 7, 2024, is:

• March 18 to March 31: 14 days

• April: 30 days

• May: 31 days

• June: 30 days

• July: 31 days

• August: 31 days

• September 1 to 7: 7 days

Total number of days:

 14 + 30 + 31 + 30 + 31 + 31 + 7 = 174 \text{ days} 

3. Posts per day:

Now divide the total number of posts by the total number of days:

 \frac{3720}{174} \approx 21.38 

So, on average, they posted about 21.38 times per day.

_{21 isn’t even bad! :0 some days I didn’t post at all and other days I was just yapping and yapping and yapping- but still. 21 :0.. can’t believe I made it here tho I’m gonna celebrate the day I naturally~ make it to 100 pages of my yapping} 

_{I need to organize my room I wasn’t told to it’s just- that way my dad doesn’t need to find something to make me do or yell at me for something while I’m organizing my room yk}

_{but here are some life updates :>} 

……………….

why do I keep forgetting what I was gonna say 

okay life updates later I’m gonna go organize my room 

_{aww people!! thankyou!! okie now I can yap}

_{goodmorning 🩷 tomorrow we start the third week of year nine. I’m really scared but also it’s just like a I need to be forced to be there and then do everything in my power to not break down or run away, survive the day, and then I can run :> type of scared.} 

when I went to get the pe leggings it’s also a long story but they kept giving us the wrong ones and we ended up buying 2 pairs of the wrong leggings and even when we pointed it out to them in the pe uniform thing they didn’t care they were just like yeah yeah that’s the one I told my pe teacher and idk why but this year she doesn’t hate me. she likes me. she smiles at me. she’s still strict idk why she likes me tho

i had detention with my friend. I didn’t do anything tho, it was 15 minutes of lunch because our whole class got in trouble for making a huge mess at break when another class was gonna be learning there (for now we have our breaks inside because they’re building stuff and also the weather and you can sit in your lead class for breaks) and I wasn’t even there but hoy said every member of 9b needs to be there in break to like idk reflect with her or whatever and my friend came in after she said that she came in late and I was there but I forgot and then I remembered and I told her and she kept saying she didn’t care and pulling me away and I even made it sound scarier than it actually was like the consequences of not showing up and she wouldn’t let me go and after like 2 days I thought hoy forgot about it but she didn’t and yeah. so after the 15 minutes reflection thing we went up to our lead class for the rest of lunch we didn’t have to now but we did and

um :’) people were running around, there was food everywhere, two people were on the floor fighting and one person was on top of the other and the other guy was like I can’t breathe I can’t breathe and he threw him into a table and he hit his head on a metal thing someone was shoving someone else into a wall, the new kid guy leena 2.0 he was having an argument with someone they were yelling across the room (except his voice always sounds so calm) someone threw their friend on me and they were like sorry sorry people were coming in from other classes and just screaming and someone came in and yelled  ms (hoy) is coming! and everyone started running and panicking and then she came in like guys..why am I coming in seeing everyone running around the classroom? I don’t remember the rest she just gave us a long lecture about standards and idk and she left and no one even waited to make sure she was gone they just- …

I made a bunch of nice friends. we got put into a seating plan for every single subject (except for performing arts) I hate the seating plans so much I’m always working well no matter who it is I’m sitting next to but now I’m just annoyed. my math teacher is really nice and never thought she’d have to put us in a seating plan because we’re supposed to be mature now and we’re year 9 but she tried so hard with our class I don’t blame her so she had to put us in a seating plan. we switch math rooms every time we have math and in one room to my right is this really weird kid its just uncomfortable sitting next to them but I made friends with the guy to my left (it’s a boy girl boy girl seating plan) he makes being there a little better he talks to me like I’m a normal person he talks to me like we’re friends like bro thankyou if I was put next to any of the other popular kids they’d keep complaining so much and begging the teacher to switch anywhere but next to me like whatever it is I swear it’s not contagious? they do it for a lot of people it still makes me feel like ***

I have 2 presentations I need to start thinking about. I’m gonna get my standards card signed-

i met the cutest baby. to ever exist. yesterday, it’s really long but I was sitting in a kids playing area and he wanted to play with me he was so adorable I wanted to cry :’) and he put a bunch of those like- hold on lemme find it 

he piled a bunch of those on top of each other and he would go back and jump on it and run off and then he’d tell me to do it but for me I only have to step because it wasn’t that high to me so he kept telling me I wasn’t doing it right and demonstrating, and he kept just- flopping- face first on it. he was so cute. oh and before that he kept looking around and getting toy cars and giving them to me and smiling at me so much and I’d be like- oh- oh this one’s so cool. oh and the pile he made he made me go there and he pointed at it and I was like- oh you did that? and he smiled so proudly and went ya and I was like ohhh goodd jobbbb that’s so cool, and he kept telling me to do stuff after him like he’d do it and then he’d smile and look at me and I’d go oh me? and he’d go ya and then I’d do it and he’d do it again and I’m like oh nooo I’m not as strong as you I can’t do that. oh also. he grabbed one of the toys, and he used so much force to throw it, that when he threw it he jamp and fell-

i don’t know how long I was there but I stayed there a lot longer than I thought I would for him his mom was sitting like at the back on her phone the whole time and she smiled at me sometimes, oh also! also xD I gave him this toy that made like different music and I was like do you know how this works and he took it and he pressed on all of them and he handed it back to me and he was like "imsostrong" wbnishsooisbswnisghjeowjaosun 

I wanted to hug him he was so tiny and adorable I asked his mom what his name was and she was like his name? what’s your name? (not in a way like she didn’t know his name in a way to get him to say it) and he said it and my brother (my brother was there the whole time the baby just wanted to play with me more lol :3 my brother was on his phone) put his fist- down- for a fist bump and he put his hand around my brothers fist and then gave him a fist bump and he was like bye (his name) and I did the same and he still put his hand around my hand then gave me a fist bump and then I kept waving to him and turning around and waving some more and he was standing there waving too I was smiling so much that day 

_{I got a new pencil case. my aunt got it for me. my last pencil case was such a mess it was ripped up and drawn on everywhere I never even got it out because it looked so bad I’d just get what I need while it’s still in my bag and then keep it there}

_{6:40am. I was up at 4:30 today and now I’m ready for school :’) day…12. everyone keeps saying times passing so fast now but it’s not :’) like yeah. after 2020 I was sort of lost but the years and months and weeks and everything’s passing so slow and too many things are happening and idk} 

_idk.