in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{I feel like I'm just hard to care for.} 

and some people say they care and I know I shouldn't doubt it. but being painfully honest to myself protects me from getting more hurt. and then I still get hurt either way. 

_{I make everything worse. I come up with something sad in every situation. I talk about myself way too much. I have nothing to offer. you can't talk to me I'm just not easy to talk to. I'm so insanely dumb it's hard to believe like I thought I was smart due a while and this week I've just been learning so many basic stuff. I feel like anyone would just look at me and think ew. I hate myself so much.} 

_{I wanna do it again.} 

_{my brother calls me special needs.} 

_........... 

_{my eyesight keeps blurring out I feel like in gonna fainf}

_{someone's waking up}

_{I'm gonna go outside}

_{I'm so close to falling asleep but I don't wanna sleep now}

_{In trying to move around and open the lights to keep myself awake :')} 

_{I had to close the lights again but I have eveyting else I just don't wanna sleep}

_{I'm so pointless.} 

_{I don't even make sense} 

 _{affirming but negativity-}

_{I don't mean it but I'm just saying it's kinda really true}

_{I feel like something should've happened to me by now}

TW

tw like getting run over I just feel like something should've happened. but then again i was always pointless and worthless and meaningless and useless but I was still born and made to be on earth and I haven't even made any good impact I'm just a background character literally. like that one person that you forget exists all the time. people actually say that to me.  they'd randomly go up to me and ask if I'm new or something and I'd say I'd been in their lead for 2 years and they actually don't believe it. I basically dead I don't even do anything and when I do its never good I mess everything up and it's okay to make mistakes but Im just something else 

@iloveyouxx No 😞 I have to disagree. You are not worthless or pointless or meaningless. Not everything that makes an impact is earth shattering and there can be times when an impact is made that nobody know about except for the person that was impacted. It could be the smallest gesture - a moment of your time but it could mean the world to someone

@mytwistedsoul

_{:') but if people want you dead does that still apply- thanks soul 💙 nfta sorry}

_{( I came back cos I thought that sounded mean idk. but I didn't mean it. I just can't believe it I didn't mean anything bad tho (':  )}  

@iloveyouxx Some people are just ugly inside. They get their happiness from inflicting pain on others. They're often shallow and cruel that way because it makes them feel better about themselves. 

@mytwistedsoul

thats true. I still try to tell myself there’s good in everyone, deep down. and no one’s actually as cruel as they seem and I always try and excuse how others are and I don’t see it anymore

@iloveyouxx I used to be able to see the good in everyone too. Or I took into consideration that everybody is dealing with or going through something. But that can only excuse that kind of thing once in a while. If it's something that happens all the time - that is that person showing you who they really are 💙

I forgot to breathe again. 

................ 

_{that kinda makes me feel so much worse but it's okay they don't realize it.} 

_{maybe it's my fault.}

_{I'm gonna go cos my head hurts but ill try and stay awake nd if I have nothing to help I'll come back.} 

_{thanks for being here, me.} 

_{my dad left and I couldn't get my device}

_{and my brothers gonna wake up and wonder how I kept his phone open for so long}

_{if he finds out I could open it he wouldn't give it to me again} 

_{I'm so tired it feels so early-}

_{https://youtu.be/61RVCKEk1QE?si=uxv9TZ0NfzRt2sCw}