in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{I just wanna d.ie.} 

_{today's a.. bad day. to be alive.} 

I hate this world for making me exist. literally all I'm still doing. existing. Just to die later on. 

wouldn't let me post cos I sound like imma harm myself and *** 

 device is at 10% anyway

It's 9am now

_{I'm gonna go listen to sum dark music} 

I can't breathe :') 

_{my dad left. but he’s back. :')}

_{him and my grandfather had a big fight yesterday-}

but idk.

_{I remind myself of these things that I don’t want to remember.}

_{my heart hurts.}

_{I was meant to get surgery when I was 10 but.} 

_{It’s not like my dad cared.}

_{he never even took me to the hospital/doctors before.} 

_{I went like that one time when I was 6-with my cousins. cos smth happened to my teeth I think.}

_{then when I was even younger my aunt took me there- but she’s a doctor so. she took me cos something was wrong with my blood and one of my organs I think. everyone talked about it and me but ofc I barely knew anything.}

so I stopped any after school activities or sports cos my body couldn’t handle it.

_{I don’t like sports anyway- but I used to *alot*}

_{my mind already gives me physical symptoms.} 

_{literally tho. my heart feels like it’s trying to genuinely pop out of my chest and my whole body feels each beat and I hear it- so. loud. all over me. I get in so much pain in every part of me but I get numb at the same time. I black out- lights flash. my eyesight gets worse and blurry and dark. I hallucinate. i flashback and I see myself there again. my dads cursing my existence again brb.-}

_{I remembered something random my mom would say to me. :')}

"I love you. to the moon and back"

_{a gif saying something similar reminded me.}

_{she’d tell me that every single day.}

_{Idk how I remember things like these. it was over 10 years ago-}

_{I’m sorry but what the actually *** is my dad watching :>} 

_{murder. probably censors I think.}

_{It doesn’t.}

_{I feel like I should use TWs but I mean who would actually come on here :')?}

_..

_{Saturday 6th April.}

_{she was chained and tied up.}

_{he was drunk and passed out.}

_{my heart hurts.}

_{I told her if she stopped living I would do.}

_{she promised.}

_{and I swore. if something happens to her it happens to me.}

_{I’m so tired :')}