gonna jump on the diary train
if anyone wants to reply, they may. i'd love support. i'm more open on the internet than in real life. perhaps i'll find a friend.
this is just my spot to complain or rant about stuff, especially the little things i wouldn't go to a listener for. this is a place where if people choose to care, they can, but no one has to listen
and i guess i could come back to this or something and look back on my thoughts
lying on my kitchen floor hehe
i think my mom's in the bathtub but it's 1 am and the living room a mess right now
oooooooooo
that was really fun, i'm glad i tried that! the living room is a mess now and there's blankets and pillows everywhere and i have marker all over my hands, but i feel good :)
super fucking worried for school
1. what if someone catches me in the bathroom?
2. what if i go into little space involuntarily?
3. what if i have panic attacks so frequently they think i'm faking it (more than they already do)?
4. what if they deny me a break?
5. what if mr. cotes tries to suspend me or punish me or something?
6. what if they write me off as a troublemaker?
7. what if i get anxious during lunch?
8. what if they find my bag?
9. what if i have a panic attack in my binder?
10. whta if i can't carry everything in my backpack?
11. what about when i start crying in class?
12. i'm gonna be in a math class full of 9th graders i don't know
13. whta if i can't go anymore, what if it's just too much?
i literally want to go to school to be able to cope with my depression again. this is just going to heighten my anxiety. it's not gonna get any better
i've literally gotten sent to the office for having anxiety (and not to calm down, as in like, i got in trouble for it) so who's to say it won't happen again?
i'm gonna make myself some more snacks and snuggle up on the couch and watch some netflix. i wasn't able to regress any time during the day so i like to do it at night downstairs. i don't want my dad knowing about it, but he's not coming home tonight so i can stay up!
X definitely not a rickroll
actually though, it's really good
1.
im sorry for not being who you want me to be
im sorry for being lazy
im sorry for being inconsiderate
im sorry for crying
im sorry for hurting you
im sorry for hurting myself
im sorry for being little
im sorry for being annoying
im sorry for everything
i want to be good for you
2.
im sorry for letting you down
im sorry for making promises i cant keep
im sorry for not sleeping
im sorry for lying
im sorry for being scared of you
im sorry for not being a good support system
im sorry for thinking recklessly
im sorry for acting on impulse
im sorry for wanting to give up
you are the only thing keeping me alive right now
@shadowmothhh someone told me they were going to send this to a friend tomorrow. i don't know how to respond to thta but i'm not okay with it. i wrote this because i'm in a really dark place. i'm probably just being selfish but it seems inconsiderate to me for someone to take my pain and use it like that
