@mytwistedsoul

 i think he likes me. he loves me. he just cant express it in the right way. 

@amiableBunny4016 There are dozens of ways to show love. This isn't  about his inability to express himself. He is an adult. It's wrong and it's illegal the things he's doing to you. 

Dear people,

Bye bye bye. Bye. Bye. 

because no one knows if we will exist tommorow 

it felt good to be made to throw up again. 

bro gave me a whole packet of ***.

i could literally take this all in one go and it wouldnt matter

This is all just fun and games 

I know you want nothing more than to be loved. I know because I was there once upon time too. Anything to be loved.  To be safe and happy. But this is not the way. He is not the way. Damn her for standing by and letting him do this

@mytwistedsoul

I'm too high to understand anything but he cares for me and he likes me and he loves me more than my mother does. 

@amiableBunny4016 Hopefully you'll read them again tomorrow. The drugs have altered reality for you right now and there's no point in arguing with you. I'll be quiet now. 

@mytwistedsoul

goodnight from my side. im gonna go get drunk for a while. bye

hi

i feel so lost

this *** is so addicting. i could literally inject myself with it all day long...

@amiableBunny4016  You're probably all ready there

I typed and deleted about a dozen replies to you. I need you to stop and think Bunny. Do you think that stuff he's giving you is free? It's not. There's a hefty price attached to everything he's giving you. The drugs - the booze - all that he will want payment for and you'll end up doing it because you'll be hooked to it. You'll pay the price because he'll take the payment. And I'm sorry - ya know? I'm sorry I'm saying these things here and now and hoping I'm wrong but deep down - I don't think I am.  I know I'm just reading your words here and I'm just some pathetic loser behind a screen but I really do care and I'm seeing a wreck about to happen and I'm helpless to stop you from making the choices you are. I'm helpless to help you and I'm sorry if I'm overstepping or crossing lines by saying the things here that I am but - please think ok? You're smart - I know you are

@mytwistedsoul

whatever is bound to happend will happend. my life without all this , will be the same. i am the price for everything soul. i dont pay the price. you know what... why doesnt someone sell me off to someone? and with that take my organs and my clothes and my things, and sell me off. because i am the price tag for all this anyways. i am a doll.... they drag me around. this will be my life soul. im not even high right now. if i get out of this place... i will get put in a place where they look after me for the money. wheather i stay here or not, wheather i do drugs or not, wheather life changes or not, it will stay this way.  i am the price for all my dreams and wishes soul. i cant pay for anything. 

and who will gain the happiness from this? even he wont gain happiness.  of course not. he is just as dead as i am. and he gave me all this *** for free. one day he will ask me for money.... i dont have money. but i can pay my body to him. 

@mytwistedsoul

there is nothing to be sorry about. no one is a pathetic loser. no one is anything here. we are just humans burning ourselves into this fire. and expecting not to get hurt. now please do one thing.... forgive me. i beg you. forgive me. but i cant do anything. and from now on, i swear on my fathers grave, i am not begging for anyone's help to take me out of this place. i am not gonna ask for anyone's help neither am i running away from this place. forgive me okay? please. 

@mytwistedsoul

dont kill your self esteem or self respect, just to support me soul. 💙 i love you the way you are. 

@amiableBunny4016 I love you the way you are too Bunny. I support you - of course I do. I just - I only ever wanted good things for you. I thought maybe if I gave you things to think about - idea's and such - it would help

And of course always speak from your heart - I'm just freaking out here alittle

@mytwistedsoul

your free to share ideas and emotions 💙 your unique and special in your own way. your words are a comfort to the mind soul. i always crave your presence when i log on to here funly enough. <3 *sends hugs if okay* you only ever wished for good things :) 

hehehe <3 *big bunny huggles and comfort beams your way (if okay)*

TW//sh

i just realized how clean i was from self harm....

and now i literally broke the whole cycle, of trying not to hurt myself

bruh is anyone here?

@amiableBunny4016

yep. *waves* 

there goes another arguement.... and fight...

the last price tag anyone will ever have to pay for me, is my funeral costs.

@amiableBunny4016  wait what? Bunny No Jesus I'm sorry I said anything. I should have just kept my mouth shut

@mytwistedsoul

you didnt say anything wrong. it didnt influence me either. i dont really care about what other people say, neither does it affect me. you were right in a way. im just talking from the heart. whatever comes inside, comes out in here.

@mytwistedsoul

I didnt mean to make you feel guilty or anything. im sorry :') i just spoke from my thoughts. 

just finished a *** exam  exam was 1hr 45mins. i finished half an hour early T_T i just used that time to fix my sleep deprivation. 

children rushing to get home.

just after an exhausting day of messing about, working hard and running around.

thinking that if they could fit into the crowd, they would be found.

if you didn't have friends, you were depressed and lonely.

trauma, anxiety and depression what were other children couldn't see.

behind those eyes of yours,

you held tears of constant unbearable pain. 

behind that smile of yours,

you held that fake happiness and made it your personality. 

you knew something was always wrong.

but you pushed it away to the side like it didn't matter to you anymore.

behind that silence of yours. 

you ached to talk about it.

you ached to scream and cry in this terrible misery you could never escape.

you ached to say something. 

but you didn't speak up, i mean why would a child speak up?

why would you let your voice be heard, when the world had gone deaf?

everyone just turned a blind eye on you. 

turned their backs on you.

the world turned upside down too.

they all seemed happy to go home.

yet you dreaded going. not the idea of going... but the journey there. 

because you just knew.... you had already left everyone's hearts. 

your home is the fire.

and you will burn in it. 

and you will die in it. 

"pack up now! its home time!" the teacher announced.

the end. 

you convinced yourself it was a nightmare, yet it was just part of the dream. - bunny

i knew you would leave. why would anyone stay?

@amiableBunny4016 Hey :) Sometimes it can be good that people leave. I know we often don't see it at first because their leaving hurts. Maybe we thought they'd try alittle harder to stay but with time I think there comes clarity and we can start to see that maybe it was for the best. Not everyone will stay but not everyone will leave either. We just have to find the right ones 💙

@amiableBunny4016

Ni friend is stopping by to leave a huggie wuggie here for you, if okie. 💜 Me thinking of you, Bunny Beanie. love you friend 💜 

@LoveMyMoonflowers

*hugs ni* i love you too Ni 💛

@amiableBunny4016

💜 *keeps hugging bunny bean* 

this girl in school asked about the bruise under my eye. she was like "did you bang your head somewhere accidentally  or did someone do it on purpose" and i said i didnt want to talk about it.... she kept telling me if i didnt want to tell her, i should ask for help. 

do people notice my bruises now. 

i thought i got away with doing 3 exams this week. i have 2 next week . *** this. :")

bruh.. the amount of flashcards and mind maps and work i do...... its breaking me.

and so is my own mother. 

i've been getting straight A's since September. i only failed once.

but she still doesnt think its enough.

can i be bothered to revise 4 poems and memorise like 10 quotations just for an assesment.

or is it just that i am burned out.