@mytwistedsoul @LoveMyMoonflowers

hello me friends. sorry i left last night, problems with mum.... and sort of fell asleep. i'm glad you both had fun from all that i have read and it seems like you two have come up with Admiral Bunny and Yeeting Lists 😭 I can't help but admire the ways you 2 try to make me happy. 

its funny how much people change once you get caught...

how long can you keep forgiving someone, for stealing your childhood until you don't have to forgive them anymore?

some people grow up the certainty, with a strange assurance that they are safe, and have the privilege of living a strangely calm childhood. of course, these sorts of things comes with their ups and downs. Some people grow with the uncertainty of safety in their home, with a slight fear of being hurt, with a childhood they don't really wish to live, or even miss when they are older. For those who grow up in certainty, the world seems like an endless place of rainbows and happiness. For people....who don't quiet have that, uncertainty and fear carves us and... well, the world seems darker, and much more flawed. Its scary how much of your childhood impacts the way you see the world..

idk if i've posted this poem before on here but i doubt it... but anyways here goes nothing guys.

Existing and living - poem

existing became a reality.

living became a distant dream.

Stained with loss and utter shamelessness.

i mourn the loss of the living,

and for the victory of the dead.

I chased shadows in the light, like i did as a kid.

and as childhood holds the naivety of it all.

I was truly Oblivious of what shadows and darkness holds.

and slowly this dark and grim tale unfolds.

and the sun burns brighter, but i no longer feel its warmth.

I watched the moon follow me in the night.

between every darkness held a light.

I thought I could reach and touch the stars.

It's a little bit too far for me.

I dreamt of living on clouds often.

Tasting the blood of solemn silence-

and loneliness.

I longed for love, too keen to keep it.

Innocence had forsaken me into living.

the corners of my mind kept somewhat sane.

And I thought it was both a blessing and a curse.

A dream I was trying to live, no longer an existence I had to endure.

And to this long and invisible life I've lead,

I've accepted I'm alone, too scared to be.

i reached for what i thought was meant to be mine.

and sought what was no longer mine.

But as i grasped I fell deeper within myself.

i sought to fill the void as it deepened.

sick to the stomach, a dull ache in my bones.

the mirror showed me familiarity, but i only saw strangers.

what i thought was my home was distorted.

what i had thought was my pain, was my numbness.

This existence slowly wrapped me away,

and that i mourned.

my tears trapped in the mirror and drying out, fading away.

I count days left until I walk into the mouth of lifelessness.

And as I try to bare this existence, I read between the lines of my fate.

Hopefully one day, seeking what I must claim.

"We might never have been jeered at for a physical deformity, nor condemned to death for our life's works, but there is something universal in the scenario of being misunderstood of which these stories are tragic, consummate examples. Social life is beset with disparities between others' perceptions of us and our reality. We are accused of stupidity when we are being cautious. Our shyness it taken for arrogance and our desire to please for sycophancy. We struggle to clear up a misunderstanding, but our throat goes dry and the words found are not the ones meant. Bitter enemies are appointed to positions of power over us, and denounce us to others. In this hatred unfairly directed towards us innocent philosophers we recognize an echo of the hurt we ourselves in encounter at the hands of those, who are either unable or unwilling to do us justice."  Taken from "The Consolations of Philosophy" Book by Alain de Bottons

Its a beautiful, yet interesting and wonderful book I've been reading and this quote is written eloquently. I know its long, and waffly, but i wanted to save it because there are some quotes that touch the heart. <3

bunny :)

so.... what next?