Tree's Diary
I don't know if I'll ever write here, I just felt the need to have a space where I could express myself. Respectful comments are welcome, but sometimes my life gets hectic (all the time haha)-so, I may be delayed in my response.
Maybe the best way to sum up how I feel is that-When I don't have an empty space, I badly want one. But when I do get it, I no longer feel the need for it. However, in these challenging times (not referring to the pandemic), maybe I'll end up feeling something I'll want to write.
Shoutout to the people who recognized the need for a journal subcom, after the feed was discontinued 
And a thank you to every one who ends up scrolling by here xD
I'm feeling like I'm learning to be vulnerable. I'm noticing that when a person I value feels comfortable volunteering information to me, I feel....trusted. It sort of counteracts thoughts where I feel like I'm merely prolonging a conversation/relationship (generic form) meant to die.
My present thoughts are that I would like for some people in my life to feel the same way. Earlier, I used to attempt being focused on others, and I felt like any talk about me would be a burden for the other person -- because if I said, "I'm going through [x]", they'd be compelled to respond with something kind/comforting. It didn't feel worth it...not because I didn't want to "burden them" per se, but because...it felt like any response they felt like giving wasn't something that would have an effect I couldn't emulate in a different way. The effect likely wouldn't have a unique source, and if the source wasn't unique, I had no reason to trouble them.
--
Another reason for not wanting to do that was a couple of relationships where I had a decent amount of stuff on my plate, and then, when the people in the relationship expressed that they required support... I felt overwhelmed. Almost like I didn't have the space to extend support because it took a lot of time, and I thought I'd be pushing similar feelings of overwhelm on them.
The following is my assessment of the past. As the writing is retrospective, I'm certain that past me would not agree with this assessment. There's definitely a great deal of bias. Like, curve fitting to data points scattered all over the place. TL:DR; This is not comprehensive and might be wrong:
When I look back, I see that the overwhelm I felt was largely my own undoing. I wanted to say something that would feel right. I had certain ideals for what a response would be like and...there was a lot of "editing" I did. I was afraid of saying something that would make them feel like I thought what they were feeling wasn't a big deal.
I spent a lot of time in that process of editing. Re-reading/re-thinking what I had written/said and then selectively picking out excerpts of it and going, "This part sounds so insensitive/inappropriate, I should be phrasing it differently."
I was not comfortable telling what my initial thoughts wanted me to, because I was sure they weren't refined. And I was afraid that what was unrefined was going to have generally negative consequences. (There's a pretty big component of selfishness to my desire of not wanting unrefined stuff expressed.)
--
Recently, I've begun allowing for the unrefined parts to come out as they are (this post included). When I re-read/reflect on what I've said, I still feel like it wasn't good. In some cases there's a part of me that wants to say, "aaaa, I wasn't thinking straight when I said or typed that out/thought I needed to say or type it out! What I said there doesn't reflect the real me, please erase it from your memory!!!"
But I imagine that if I feel like saying that sentence multiple times..it probably is me(?) and I should just be with it rather than constantly saying something that would allude to me being "better", and giving the impression of, "Hey, here's refined me whom you will never meet :D. The mess-up you just saw was merely having a bad day haha"
--
In particular, I'm grateful for a couple of people. Not because of something they intentionally said or did, but because when I was testing out "unrefined me" around them, they didn't act like anything had changed. It made me go, "Huh"
@NoneTheWiser
I was a bit conflicted about writing this, (er-) because I don't know if you were merely peeking in, or had chosen to stay for a bit longer. And even as I write this out, I feel afraid that something about this might make you feel like you shouldn't leave.
If you're just peeking in and have generally chosen to step away from 7Cups (i.e, you feel the way you did when you wrote the post):
I wanted to say that I'm really happy for you being able to recognize how you feel about being on here. You've been here for quite a long time and I don't have to imagine that choosing to leave would have been a pretty heavy decision to take. I believe you when you say that this has been a place with quite a few negatives for you, and that for some time now, it feels like they outweigh the positive(s) you had been feeling from around the time you first joined.
I couldn't find the words to phrase this as well as I would have liked:
I'm really glad to have been able to meet you here. Even as time passes, I think there's a part of me that shall never truly be able to forget you, and I think that's largely because the marks you have left on here, the traits you've shown and the interactions we have had. They have, in a way, left an imprint on me<3
If you're staying for a bit longer:
You mentioned feeling embarrassment and (while I do not know if it's the same as what you're referring to,) I know the feeling of shame that arises with reversing decisions, especially when we feel like we had confidently announced it moments ago.
So, I guess I just wanted to provide some form of comfort/acceptance to the idea of changing your mind. I know that if I were in your place, I'd feel frustrated with myself for it, and I just wanted to leave a *hug* for you (if you're ok with it) in the event that you were feeling that way. For what it's worth, I think it's pretty ok to go back and forth between wanting to be here and not wanting to be here.<3
P.S: It's nice to see you, even if it might just be for a fleeting moment.
@mytwistedsoul
I know that I didn't reply on your thread when it happened. And I don't know what it feels like to lose a being as close.
I just felt like letting you know that you aren't alone...<3
@loyalTree3713 Hey Tree :) Thank you. I'm glad you haven't had to suffer any close losses. There's been quite a few here but hers has been the hardest
I hope things are going ok for you
@loyalTree3713 I hope you don't mind. I wanted to drop off a little friend and wish you a Merry Christmas!
@mytwistedsoul
Aw, thank you very much!! A merry Christmas to you too~
Been a while since I've written on here. I think for a while, I didn't want to write what I was thinking, just because it didn't feel like a good idea to take those thoughts out. I'm also going through that period of having opposite views on everything, and that's including my writing. I'm feeling despise for my past attempts at attributing reasons in my writing. Like, parts where I go "I'm probably feeling [x] because of [y]". Also disliking my description in past posts because it feels lacking and...i don't know.
Thoughts from this morning:
I don't want to change. I don't mean that in a "Ohhh, all this while, I've been taking certain actions, and I couldn't figure out why but now I see that it was because deep-down in my mind, I was resistant to change" sense. More of a "I think I have something and I'm afraid that if I change I'll lose it" sense. I'm not saying that the thing's valuable...I don't know how to phrase this really. It's like...it's natural for people to grow out of the thing and evolve to have a more mature perspective of the world, and I don't want to grow out of that thing. Reading that paragraph, it sounds like I'm trying to say that I want to remain immature but I swear it meant something different inside my head lol.
Thoughts from yesterday night:
I usually don't do self-blame on remembering that someone's passed away, and for reasons I don't even know, I just went down that road haha. It's weird, it's been a year and nothing popped up in my brain all that while, and yesterday, the brain was like "Here you go, have some thoughts :D"
You didn't do it when he was alive, the least you could do is do that thing he spoke about, now?
Thoughts from the past month:
I actually had a good December and early January, by my standards. I...I did stuff, I didn't constantly look for people I was comfortable around in uni, and I did something different from what I expected I would do. It's something I'm kinda proud of. The initial two weeks were filled with avoiding things, and then, it became more of an oscillating cycle between "I'm doing things" and "I'm hiding from things". I also feel like this reassurance in relationships with a few people I met where I'm kind of able to go, "Heyy, if you were speaking with me simply because of social nicety stuff, you wouldn't say that?"
I'm kinda having a calm exterior though, and I really just wanted to write this stuff in its most rudimentary form, not care for how I've said "things" and "stuff" multiple times.
I'm also messing up, via inaction, and I'm guessing that I will be forced to get a move on by the next month. It's scary...the things that are coming, but there's also just this familiar feeling of "Eh, things have happened before, things will happen again, and about a month after each thing happens, you'll figure out a way to work with it around". There's a part of me going that I don't have to post this, that I just close the tab and it's over...the whole venting/expressing thing is over. It happened even if I didn't record it.
-The End-
hello space, didn't think I would write here.
This post is merely me recording things as opposed to me trying to figure out things.
I'm feeling alone again because I'm having inhibitions about approaching new people/people I haven't spoken to in a while. It's frustrating me mentally, and at random instants in class, my brain will pop that thought up and I...wish it would stop bringing that up.
It's like my brain's telling me "Hey, it took you so long to connect with 3-4 people on a fairly personal level. So, now when you're feeling this inhibition again, that's a sign that you're receding into your former self who would not connect with anyone except on a superficial level. Stop ittt"
There's things in my body that are vehemently going "Don't recede into that former self". Whenever I am reminded of this thought, I feel my hands clench and a strong physical desire to crouch or move away from things physically near me.
This has been happening for a month.
@loyalTree3713
Hey there! I hope you don't mind me dropping by the say a few words. 😊 ❤️
I want to say that I'm proud of you for coming on here after a few months just to record your thoughts and think through what's going through your mind. Even though you're not writing this as a way to find a solution, just giving yourself the chance to write your thoughts down shows a lot of strength--that's really amazing! 😊
Personally, I know what it's like to have trouble connecting people after distancing yourself from them for so long. When you finally want to come back, there are these persistent thoughts that roll through your mind, such as, "Now you're going to relapse into your old self" or "You're not worth their time," and it can make it difficult to open up again and cause you to feel the need to inhibit your interactions.
I have also been through times of constantly trying to figure out whether I should even trust again, which has mainly been stemmed from me not being about to trust myself. I know it's scary to think that you may go back to the person you used to be, reversing all the progress you made and the challenges you overcame.
But there is one thing that I want you to realize - progress is progress, and when you see how much you have grown and strengthened as a person, a few missteps don't seem as significant. You know why? It's because you know that you can bounce back in the end. Every challenge we overcome makes us stronger, and more resilient when negative people and experiences want to bring us to our knees.
You are not alone in this, Tree. From what I have learned by being on this site is that there are people who care and love us for who we are, and not because of what we've been through, but who we are inside. I believe that you can overcome this, no matter how long it takes, because you have so much courage inside you that you may not even realize you have. I send you the very best on your journey (and don't be surprised if I drop by every once in a while 🤗).
@selflessSpruce1515
Hihi, I don't mind you writing here at all. In fact, I'm a bit surprised that you responded in such a meaningful manner because I wrote this post thinking it'd be just another addition to the record.
I understand what you're saying about feeling this sense of "wo-aaah" when you look at how you compare to you from say, 5 years ago, and how on that timescale, our failures might appear ever-so-slightly diminished, if not almost entirely invisible.
Thank you for sharing such kind words, and for speaking about your experience. It felt strange to hear someone else express those ("Now you're going to relapse into your old self" or "You're not worth their time,") thoughts haha.
Your writing strikes me as being that of one who is able to look in themselves for feelings similar to the ones expressed by the person whose post you are responding to, in order to convey a sentiment of "Hey, I've been where you are, and...it feels like there's something I could draw from my experience and express, which would reassure you." and I appreciate that sentiment and the thoughtfulness behind it, a lot.
As for dropping by, the door's always open :) Actually jk, there is no door. It was blown away by your response xD
@loyalTree3713
Hey Tree! Aww, I'm really glad that my response was so meaningful, because I know that there are times when we need someone who can understand what we're going through so that we feel less alone and afraid. ❤️
I really try to view your experiences and feelings from another perspective so that I can feel what you're going through in your shoes and truly understand-- and sometimes, it's necessary to reach inside myself in order to empathize with others. I'm so pleased that by doing that, I was able to get a glimpse into who you are as a person, not only from your experiences, but from the way you express the meaning behind your words. 😊
(And haha, I'm surprised that my response had such an impact! xD)
@loyalTree3713 Hey Tree :) It's nice to see you again - I hope you don't mind me popping in. Tbh - I wanted to write sooner but I didn't - not so much that I haven't spoken to people here just my head tells me I'm bothering people - so I try not to and it's frustrating and lonely. I guess I just wanted to say that time doesn't matter - no matter the amount of time you're gone or away from people - the people who care about you will allways be happy to see you :)
@mytwistedsoul
Hey soul, it's really nice to see you!!!!
I feel ya on wanting to write things but going "Meh, the moment I hit post, the other person has the burden of replying to my post even if my response wasn't something meaningful to them. Let's just...not type, ok?" [but at the same time, a part of you is queasy with the idea of not posting, and sometimes ...you're just frustrated with yourself, because in that unsent post, you wanted to show someone that you were there/you cared, but you have blocked yourself from doing so :) ]
Thank you for the reminder!!
@loyalTree3713 Exactly! It turns into this big debate. To write or not to write. I get queasy either way tbh 😬 I just wish it was easier to know what the right thing to do with replying to people was
@mytwistedsoul
yeah, me too!!! Wouldn't it be awesome if we could just know whether people genuinely wanted to hear from us?
@loyalTree3713 It would be awesome. Especially if we could know without constant reassurances because I feel like an idiot for needing them
How are you Tree?
@mytwistedsoul [Hit the nested reply limit. So, posting afresh]
Yeah, it feels weird to ask them "Hey, I know that a week ago, you said you wanted us to continue speaking but are we sure I haven't frustrated you enough yet?" xD
I'm doing alright today -- recovering from a cold but otherwise decent. Finally feeling a little unstuck on the "speaking with people" side of things because I managed to do it :) How are you??
@loyalTree3713 Don't you love the new changes to the forums? Just alittle frustrating but I guess we learn to deal with it if we want to use the forums
I usually just apologize for being a pain or if I think I am - which I usually convince myself that I am. Sometimes it's before I write but usually it's afterwards. That oh god - I shouldn't have wrote moment. I'm trying not to do that here tbh
Hey I'm glad you're feeling unstuck with speaking to people - that's awesome! I'm glad you're recovering from the cold you had. Ugh - they make you feel so awful :(
I'm mostly ok - trying to be anyway. Thank you for asking :)
@mytwistedsoul
The forums do feel a bit fresh now haha
Yeah, post-posting regret is a pain to deal with. You never know when the regret is invalid/fear over what you've written is unfounded, so it feels like your only option is to presume that it is always valid.
[The cold was nasty, I'm glad it's almost passed now too.]
Would you...want to expand on "trying to be ok"? *provides space*
@loyalTree3713 Hey :) I hope your cold is getting better and better
The posting regret never seems to ease up for me. I even get it if I write on my own threads. I can write and write and then I delete it all and post nothing
Thank you for providing space. I try to take up as little space as I can lately
Trying to be ok - I find myself keeping everything to myself and letting myself isolate more and more. I feel like it's what I deserve - to be alone. But it feels lonely sometimes but I'm not even sure if it's ok to feel that way. Idk if it's ok to feel anything - so I haven't been allowing myself to feel anything - which sounds stupid I guess
Thank you ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
(hiii, I wanted to tell you that I've an exam coming up tomorrow, and I'll get back to you latest by day-after :)
aaand in case you're wondering, nope, you haven't said anything you shouldn't have and I'm really really glad you're speaking about this!)
@loyalTree3713 Good luck on your exam! :)
There's never any obligation to reply ok? But Thank you for the heads up
@loyalTree3713
Hey hey, Tree! I hope you don’t mind me leaving a reminder here for you:
🤗 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
awwww, thank youu!!!
@loyalTree3713
You're very welcome! ❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul
hiii!!! I am back :) Re: there's no obligation to reply -- I fully understand that! That's why I take my time in responding: if I'm replying, it'll be because I want to in that moment. (Nonetheless, thank you so much for affirming that!)
--
ooo, so you do that thing too where you write a lot of things and hit backspace on it all, because you know that if you post it, you'll probably end up wishing you hadn't?? lol, me too! *high-fives*
--
I feel you on "I'm not even sure if it's ok to feel that way". It's like you're sensing a contradiction between your wants (of being alone, and wishing you weren't lonely) and going "Agh, I don't have a right to wish I wasn't lonely. I asked for this!! Brain stop, you're not being rational"
I'm...hesitant to offer a perspective because I know that if our roles were switched, I wouldn't want to hear anything and think about it for a while. I would want to be left with my feelings. So, I'll just say this and you can choose not to scroll further (please don't acknowledge it unless you strongly feel like doing so):
Wanting to be alone...can be because it feels like some people around you aren't people you vibe well with. You don't have a problem with them, but when you're around them, solitude feels preferable, because in solitude you can be whom you feel like being, and you don't have to invest effort into the interaction.
Or it could be that in their company, you constantly worry about whether you're being a pain in the butt for them (and then, beat yourself up for worrying that way because you "should be able to feel and act normal in the relationship, they're trying so hard to make you comfortable!!".)
But being alone feels...ok. You wish you were around people but you know the experience of being around people isn't something that would practically leave you feeling alright. But sometimes, gosh, being lonely is SO...lonely. Knowing there isn't someone you could interact with even if you wanted to is super disheartening, right?
There's an actor on stage, ready to recite their dialogue, but the seats are empty and oof- that just hits.
So, reading your words, I feel like maybe a part of this is you wishing you were around people and you were able to actually do the things you wanted to with/around them, without feeling all the things that keep you from doing it? You aren't averse to the interactions, you just don't wanna feel...all the feelings you're going to feel during/after it?
[You don't have to fit your experience to whatever I'm saying. I recognize a lot of this might well not apply to you. I just shared it in the hope that it might be of some help if your experience was at least partially close to what I was thinking of]
@loyalTree3713 Hey :) I hope your exam went ok
*high five* it's frustrating sometimes isn't it? You get everything written all out only to delete it all :/ I deleted alot here too lol
The loneliness feels - deserved. Or maybe justified. I do worry about being a pain or overstaying my welcome. I worry about wasting people's time because as hard as I try I can't seem to get my sh*t together. Sometimes the vibe starts out strong but then for - reasons it crashes and burns. There are casualties on both sides
If you're alone you don't have to worry about hurting anyone and you don't get hurt either
Thank you for your perspective though - I do appreciate it. So I'm like yes and no.
Thank you for your reply though and your time :)
Take care of yourself Tree
@mytwistedsoul
I'm sorry it took me a while! I read your post earlier and I wanted to upvote to show that I read it, but at the same time my brain was going "If you upvote and don't respond, you might convey that you had nothing to say it all"...hence the deafening silence on my end lol!
Ahahaha, I'm really curious to know what the deleted stuff was :) There's a part of me that wishes I could tell you "Hey, you can write whatever you wanna. When I'm saying your words, I see them differently than you do because I already have attached some form of positive value to you. So, I'm probably going to try and understand what you're saying rather than brush it off.
I...don't think your complete post would disappoint me."
--
Yeah, that makes sense! Sometimes, you hit it off great initially and as time goes by, you feel like "I'm supposed to have gotten this part of me fixed by now. I'm disappointing the person I initially vibed well with, by still having it unmended." You...start pulling away because you perceive that they probably don't want to be with/around you anymore?
@loyalTree3713 No worries :) Sounds exactly like something I'd do tbh Lol - sometimes I upvote and then plan on replying but get pulled away and then there's an oh no moment - but then sometimes I write and forget to upvote lol
It was just a case of TMI - I think I worry alot about how things come across. Sometimes what sounds good in my head doesn't sound as good when it come out. Idk - if I'm honest - I've realized that sometimes it's best to not say some things but my brain high jacks that thought and decides I should say nothing - my words make me anxious :/
Yes! But I've also found things I didn't realize needed fixing in the first place and with people - I'm finding that if it feel like there's something different with them - Idk if it's real or just imagined. Kind of like the temperature in a room? Just a degree or two is noticeable and I step back but sometimes I guess I step closer. I didn't know I did that - but it creates that push pull thing and it confuses them - and me but yeah end result - they don't want to be around me
@mytwistedsoul
"Some posts I just need time to think about before I answer", true!!
--
(re: people, pulling away)
I...am actually slightly similar -- I'll initially hit it off really well with some people, but when I'm seeing them the second/third time, I'll avert my eyes/not attempt to contact them. Tell me if this is something that you relate to -- there's either (a) A feeling of "I don't know if they want to hear from me", or (b) Just inexplicable anxiety over the thought of speaking with them?
(I don't know what (b) is in my case, and my best guess is that it's something like "I had a really good first interaction with them, I don't want to mess things up by engaging with them now and pushing them away with something I might say/do." Is that something you feel?)
--
(re: "what if there's more to it?"/is there an underlying darker reason to your presence here?)
I'm curious about whether you're using "dark" and "selfish" synonymously here. And also, if you feel comfortable elaborating, I'd like to know what you think those reasons might be :)
@loyalTree3713 Its kind of a combination of a and b and let's throw in c.
A- sometimes I'll avert my eyes pretend I didn't see them because they might not want to hear from me but at times I am the one who doesn't want to hear from them. I just don't have the ability to hold a conversation beyond yes and no.
B - is just anxiety over speaking to anyone. Familiar people or strangers it doesn't matter.
C - is alittle weird I guess. It's - honestly Idk. Just a feeling? Intuition? Picking up things from people sometimes - whether it's real or imagined. Their moods I guess. I usually assume it's something I've done or didn't do - said or didn't say. Then there's a fear of confrontation because - I freeze and go quiet at that moment or I back away. But this feeling is also what makes me reach out to others when their name pops into my head - sounds like hooey
The dark part. To paint a mental image. A wolf walking among sheep. Predator and prey. This is a place for people to get support. I'm uncomfortable asking and receiving support but I used to like going around offer encouragement and support to others. I still do but these thoughts over ride it more then they used to. Being an energy vampire. That I'm here just to suck up the praise or energy I might get from talking with someone. I don't think I am because praise is uncomfortable but what if I'm wrong? What if I'm lying to myself about that and I really am just a vampire sucking up people's energy? This is where my mind grabs hold of that thought and runs with it
I must sound like a total nut right now - if you made it through reading this without thinking that - thank you
@mytwistedsoul
I'm sorry it's taken me this long. There's this weird thing which happened where I thought I could understand what you were saying but my brain would go blank when I thought of what I could say in response. ("Words, where are you when I need you???")
I was like "Huh, I've been staring at this blank screen for 10 minutes. Maybe I'll be able to word this tomorrow". That's how it's been the past 4-5 days xD
I know the description you're providing for (a), it's like "I can't handle a conversation. I can't do the usual conversation protocols, I'm just not in the state for it."
On (c) -- I have a very specific idea (that I doubt will fit) but lemme know if you relate to it:
The anxiety appears when you're around people you have previously interacted with. You're remembering what you've done -- the last conversation you had, the last reaction you gave, and you're thinking "Oh, they definitely didn't like that. I p*ssed them off".
You're...imagining what people's reaction to your past action was and you're afraid of hearing their assessment of that thing you did/said/didn't say?
--
Re: the dark part
Oh hey, it's cool to see that you doubt your intentions for being here too! It's like...you wonder if you're here because you're really just trying to prop yourself up, gather praise, feel good about yourself, etc.? I've had that thought for a while too!
I don't know what helps, but I remember that when I was having it, I'd go really quiet, or speak on really inactive threads so I'd know I wasn't doing it to garner appreciation. But...as you probably know, your brain will still doubt your intentions and bring up interesting logic to back up the claim that you aren't here out of some selfless motive.
I really don't know what helps with it though :( I'm sorry!
@loyalTree3713 Please don't be sorry. I have the same thing happen. Words just go poof. Sometimes it seems like the harder you try to find them - the farther they retreat. And it was a weird post to answer
A - definitely!
C - yeah I do relate to that. But I guess that sometimes it's not imagined? Maybe you've witnessed their reactions with other people and you've a pretty good idea that the assessment isn't going to be very nice
I hate saying this but it helps knowing you have those thoughts too. I've been told a couple of times that its ok to feel good about helping others. That's why people do it. It's not that you're expecting praise or anything but it still makes you feel good. But like you said my brain doubts my intentions. Maybe we just need to work on our self confidence? Maybe then we won't doubt our intentions
I hope all is well in your world Tree ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
"Sometimes it seems like the harder you try to find them - the farther they retreat." -- that is so true!!
C - "Maybe you've witnessed their reactions with other people and you've a pretty good idea that the assessment isn't going to be very nice"
Do you mean to say that you hear people talking about the interactions they've had with you, to other people?
--
I understand why you'd hate saying that (maybe because it feels like you're saying "I'm glad you're injured" xD), but fwiw, I don't glean any negative sentiment from that sentence. I'm trying to say that I personally don't think that's a bad thing to say :)
Self-confidence...may be it. Getting yourself to trust you is difficult, isn't it? It often feels like that requires a leap of faith.
(I hope you're doing alright<3)
@loyalTree3713 I've been trying to figure out how to reply. But I'm not sure how tbh. The words are there but I can't use them. I'm alittle uncomfortable saying too much more because I'm afraid it leaves me open to trouble and I'm afraid that I've allready said too much that will come back to bite me. This place isn't as safe for me as it is other people. I'm trying to not upset anyone. I'm sorry - please know it's nothing personal. I do really appreciate you talking with me
It is hard to trust yourself and there's not much I have faith in to take that leap. I get close to jumping sometimes but then those doubts kick in and I end up just freezing and doing nothing :/ or freezing and just going quiet and dissociating
I broke an ankle *smh* I'm such a klutz
I hope you're doing ok :) take care of yourself Tree ❤️