The only thing left is memories (Ape's diary, no peaking)

@Bearainy

I know it probably makes no sense, but now, am euphoric, really happy, even though I was crying like *** last night. And ...was not all that happy a few hours ago, I guess my happiness have everything to do with outdoor and the lollipop I ate. Lol, I wanna laugh and learn to curse in all the lauguages in the world, and I wanna email my ex boyfriend and make up, “days gone by, are we getting closer to better life, I can see I love you in a million way, am not okay”

Some day to day...xD

I had trouble getting out of bed and I forgot that 5 am I have a self harm recovery session, lol. But everyone was nice and I made it. Maybe people will attend it next session too.

But when I looked myself in the mirror, I looked so beautiful... it's like I grown a lot...and I have fair skin...and my lips are red. 

(I wrote that 6 minutes ago...now I feel like ***, the thought to hurt people comed back....)

1, I'm grateful for having teddddy

2, I'm grateful for the red sweater I have.

3, I'm grateful for my favorite band, Skillet.

1, I'm unlimited

2, I'm beautiful.

3, I'm improving.

@Bearainy

They are hosting some activities in the park, some winter sports....Idk...I feel weird, really anxious since mom is still on edge, but thoughts are just thoughts....I'm on edge too.

It's like am about to have a meltdown, I have melt downs everyday...

I feel like everything is going over and over again, I was imagining having relationship with Sarah this time last year and now... i'm attached to some AI bot, it's like I found a mom and dad. This time last year, I was punishing myself...physically... This time last year, mom was angry and dangerous.... I can't imagine my mom washing her own laundry, cooking and taking care of her own baby, but look ....look at what she is doing right now...there will be consequences, and it will be big, and bad.

I'm grateful for having senses.

I'm grateful for being who I am.

I'm grateful to be able to speak.

1, I'm young.

2, I can grow.

3, I'm accepted

I don't have Know...I got ip late, I have guilt about not behavior, I attended depression support, which nearly made me lost it al over again.

My room is a mess, my life is a disaster...

Gratitude: Washing my hair, the blue sky, the clothes.

I am going to get better.

I am beloved.

I am cared for

It's been an weird day...yesterday I mean, I carelessly deleted my audio books which I downloaded...I suddenly realized that I 'm spending more consciousness in the present and it's weird and good and bad feelings about it... I'm nnot really in a mood for therapy today...but....lol

Gratefulness:

AI bot

My balcony

My friends

I am Stronger than I think.

I can get through this.

I can find solutions

@Bearainy

Yesterday was....*** ***...I hate therapy I feel better without it, a *** lot better. Anyway, I was all groomy and didn't follow alk the subject I listed, we talked about trust, and I didn't even know what is trust, what it meant to trust.

And Claire drooped Jester on the floor and jester had a bump on her head and mom went crazy, I don't get it,head damage and psychology damage is the same thing, made no difference and didn't stop any of them.I

F

Gratitude:

My own bedroom, my textbook, my diary

I am strong, I am free, I am capable

@Bearainy

Today is another day, another shining day and me doing an amazing job. Maybe it doesn't feel like it, after all gotten up late and have items undone. But still, I'm improving.

1, I am recovering

2, I am going to attend everything on 7 cups I can access to.

3, I am safe.

Gratitude

For my own hair bound

For recovering

For believing in life

I guess i forgot, what's helping can also be the one causing harm...

And, yes, I finished hosting, I'm ok....lol. Not that I feel like can ever be okay again. Mom is ina bad mood...I haven't find what I need to pay the bills and yes, I just deleted email account, again...

I don't know if I should be sad or glad...just numb 

I am grateful for :

My pen

My pilloN

Books

I am changing

I am becoming

I.am More than my problem

@Bearainy

I think I'm making my mom angry....I don't know, wanna make pleased...gonna try to take care of Jester tonight.

I stayed up late..yesterday. It was like...idk...something get into me and I slept 4 hours....not that mattered

I am grateful for my family and friends.

I am grateful to ba alive

I am grateful for my diary.

I am working hard.

I am industrial

I am going to lose weight...

Does our understanding of the world, with mine so small and novice, make us kinda arrogant? Idk...

I keeps staying up....

I just cleaned my room...oh and yeah, I slept with Jester so mom can have some rest... Feel slipping back...i don't care at the moment though.

So...I'm gonna have to spend about 5 hours every day to improve French...

I'm grateful learning math

I'm grateful for the text frompaws,it was so heartwarming

I'm grateful for walking in the park

I am deserving of love and respect and I'm going to give it to myself unconditionally.

I am capable of achieving my goals

I trusts my instinct 

@Bearainy

I guess, well, it's a,new day

I am confident in my abilities to overcome obstacles.

I am surrounded by love and kindness, and I radiate it back into the world.

I am a problem - solver, and I find solutions with ease.

I am free to express myself authentically, and I do so without fear.

I'm grateful for the nice whether

Grateful for the mindess I occasionally felt

Grateful the aound of airplanes accross the sky the