Pieces of the Jigsaw

I am stuck, I am badly stuck. I don't know where to go or what to do but I am just walking on the road, having a hope to see some light. I am really tired of this, so much that I can clearly see how much I have changed from the past, some changes were good but many of them weren't, this is not me. I feel overwhelmed, I am tired of this cycle but can't help and continue walking on it. I hope all of this to change at some point, I have been trying my level best but maybe I need to increase my level now. *Breathes* I'm okay! 🤍

Hey, I'm so resonated with you. i know how you felt and I completely understand that. I believe in you you will get through it like you always did. It's not that easy like we say but you will. Stay strong cutie everything happens for a reason.

@Jackyflynn Hey there, Hope you are doing well! Thank you so much for your kind words, I hope to get through this for real, it means a lot to me! :)💫🤍

hi @everlee, we all are going through the pandemic anxiety, some of us are able to recognize it, but some don’t. I totally get it and you are not alone in this. The important question is how you deal with all of this? can we be of some assistance? do you want to be listened? Take care meanwhile and be blessed!

Hello there @peacefulPaintings , how are you? Thank you so much for replying! : ) I try to distract myself most of the times. I listen to music a lot and I have a couple of distractions and on the top of that, I have exams soon so I try to study if at all I am not able to distract because I can't waste time again and if nothing works, I make a post in this thread, I even try to connect with listeners many a times but sometimes it's just hard to put your feelings into words so that unfortunately doesn't work for me but you know, sometimes images say more than your words so if you have noticed, I generally try to include an image which actually helps me to make things clear for myself and also to take some thoughts out without actually typing everything out. So that's about it, I appreciate you for taking out some time to read this thread and respond as well, it means so much! Take care and stay blessed as well! : )🤍✨

This is so overwhelming, I can't help but cry. I know things take some time to change but I am really tired of being patient now. I probably need a break. I want things to start again but this is still very overwhelming. I need to focus on my studies, I am afraid of making others disappointed. I am drained, completely drained but I can only be patient and wait for the "good things." 🤍

A change in paradigm may give you a fresh perspective there are no others you are it so live your life exactly as you truly want to!

Give yourself tons of tlc when necessary and smother yourself in self love it is perfectly fine to be independent and then love will come easier when you are exactly who you want to be

Hello there @MonkeyBananaButter4830 , hope you are doing well! I appreciate your reply, thank you for the encouragement and also, I am definitely trying to work on loving myself and being myself! Thank you once again! : )✨🤍

Why am I like this? Why can I not focus on one thing? Why can I not sleep? Why can I not eat? Why can I just not be myself anymore? I don't know what is wrong with me, I am so tired of trying at this point, I don't know what is going to work, it is really overwhelming and I am sick of it. I know that I am wrong but I don't know where I am going wrong. Can I please restart this but in a different way? I am really tired of this loop now, I really want this to end but start in a different manner and I don't know how I can do that, I have no idea, I am so lost

@Everlee

Hi, I just want to say I'm here with you. I think it's very creative and a good thing that you add images/quotes at the end of your posts. Sometimes things don't make sense...like why can't we feel better about ourselves when we really want to try. Trying is enough sometimes. I hope you feel better and proud of yourself soon

@Skyy0

Hey there, dear! Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm glad that you found it creative, I feel that sometimes quotes or images help to clear out my feelings and that's why I try to find a suitable image for each of my post, it serves as a good distraction as well and trying is the least I can do, I felt good that you took some time to read my posts, I am feeling a bit better than before, thank you once again :)🖤✨

I don't know what works for me and what doesn't, the only thing that I am sure about is I need to get out of this place. Can I be myself again? The happier self? I think it's not possible, maybe I need to settle for this version of myself now. I cried last night thinking about how much I have changed, I am not satisfied with the person I have become, I am not happy anymore, can the changes be undone? Will I ever be satisfied with myself? This is just not me, I don't like myself anymore the way I used to. "Things will forever change, Everlee, maybe the new changes will be good, who knows?"

I just read everything I typed in this thread and I can actually see how things have been different for me than how it used to be before, I noticed that I didn't even joke or type "lol" and that's just not me well I have been trying to make things work for me and I don't know how this is going but I am trying and I hope there isn't a bump on my way this soon but of course, who can stop unexpected things! Also, I have this song stuck in my head for like 3 days and I don't know the lyrics which is annoying me like anything but well either way I found a company, I am not the only one who is stuck now!

I thought I knew how to do it now but guess who failed again? Probably I am just useless and I can't do anything and I should maybe just shut up and give up on trying now because I so damn tired of it and I was a quick escape. I wish there was a "restart" button but no, there is only a replay button; things just happen again and again, should I be used to all of this? I don't feel like getting used to it because this is just not me, I don't know, I just want an escape I am done with this. There is this sudden raise of hope and then it all comes back again, is this how it is supposed to be? I am so overwhelmed at this point, way too overwhelmed and I don't think it's ever going to be better. Maybe I just need to stop dreaming that things will be alright and there will be better days because clearly, that isn't true for me.

Nobody wants to understand me and that hurts so bad. They only notice my anger, they only notice how quickly I react but nobody notices the tears in my eyes, they barely care for me and expect me to act like everything is okay. They want me to understand them but they don't want to do the same. I am the one to forgive everyone quickly but they don't ever care to take an initiative and still, I am the one who is mean. I am tired. I hope they don't say that I never gave any hints.

It came back nothing less like a nightmare and here I am questioning myself once again. Maybe I was really wrong, I could have chose to be kind to myself but I wasted a lot of time, I am still wasting my time. I don't know where this is going to take me, I see nothing. I am blank and I don't know what to do. It's such a headache but it's just a part of me now. I probably need to stop finding an escape from this and adjust myself to survive with it.

I can see it breaking right in front of me but I am helpless. Sometimes I wonder how it would be if that never happened. I wouldn't be this broken, I wouldn't have to go through all this bs. I wish I said something back then, I always knew that it wasn't right but I never said anything because I didn't want to hurt anyone. I never knew my one mistake could do this. I am so done with it but I was the one who asked for it and now that it has happened, nothing can change it. I will have to live with it I guess.

I am so much in pain. I literally wanted to cry my heart out. I wanted to message my best friends to tell them everything but I couldn't, I sat close to my mom but I couldn't do anything, I just wanted to hug her and tell her everything but I couldn't. I am so so so done with myself. I am tired of this dude, I am just so done with it I don't know what to do, I am just so damn stuck. All I can feel is pain and nothing else, I want to live, I don't want to survive this but nothing right is happening. I only see a loser in myself, I don't think I can be happy, I will have to continue faking this smile and that hurts so damn much. I am so lost in the darkness and I know that their isn't any way that I am going out of here any soon. I am tired, really very tired

I tried to talk to my friend, I ended up ranting about every single thing because it was just too much for me to handle at a time and then I felt so so bad because it felt like I ruined his whole mood. He didn't say anything much about my rant and I could sense that he was struggling this morning so I asked him about it and well, the chat became about him and I got a bit distracted from my issues then but I was still overwhelmed. My mom came to me and reassured me that things will be okay and I don't have to worry much about certain things and I was literally on the edge of breaking down and as soon as she left, I couldn't hold my tears back. It hurts so so bad that you need to care for others like anything and you don't even get a quarter of the treatment back but it's even true that everyone is going through their own struggles so I can't really keep expectations high from everyone. I just feel like a burden to my family and a huge blob of disappointment. Sometimes I think that if I ever choose to see a therapist, I am going to end up crying for an hour at least before I say anything.

I broke down in front of my parents and my brother just asked me stop overreacting and it hurts so bad. Nobody wants to understand what I am going through. I have so much pressure and I am just trying to meet everyone's expectations but I can't do that anymore. I was always so close to my mom and she really went mad and didn't want to talk to me. It hurts so so so bad that the person whom you trusted the most ended up doing something like this and breaking all your hope. I just really wonder for whom am I doing all this for if they just don't care. For the first time I found my dad better than my mom, he at least wanted to listen to me, he at least cared to stay while I was still crying unlike my mom just went out of the room and still shouting at me for stuff. I always valued her, I always understood her, I always cared for her because I thought that she understood me but i was wrong

I guess I am really wrong now. She always cared for me but I guess somewhere I was the one who couldn't understand her. Maybe I should just makes more changes in order to meet her expectations. I really love my mom but it hurt me so bad when she broke down as well. I guess I shouldn't have said certain things. I am such a disappointment, I really shouldn't have done all that, I hate me I just hate myself so much that I don't even feel like facing myself and my emotions at this very moment. I should have understood that she needs to do a lot of work and has a lot in her mind as well and even she is stressed but she never says that but I just broke up then and that was damn bad. I won't show my emotions again, I am not doing that in front of my parents again. I shouldn't have said that I will fill college applications for abroad it must have hurt her but she should know that if at all I go abroad, I'll take her with me. I gained this huge respect for my dad back today. I think I almost proved today that I am a useless daughter. I am so damn useless and I am so damn bad, I can't ever forgive myself for saying stuff to mom.

I just have a lot going in my mind and I don't know what to do, I can't even stop crying, it's so damn hard for me. I can't do this anymore, I am so so done

@Everlee I understand how overwhelming it must be to have a lot of things on your mind. I know it is especially overwhelming when you do not know what to about them. It is okay to cry, because crying may even help you feel better. I know it is tough, and if you want to talk about it, I will be here to listen and support you 😊❤️

Hey @Desmynn6789 Hope you are doing well! Thank you so much, dear. I truly appreciate it a lot! (:

No problem, I want to be here for you❤️. You are a special individual and I want to make sure that you know that too 😊. Request me if you’d like to talk about how you feel.

@Desmynn6789 Thank you so much, I appreciate your kindness and I'll message you if I feel like talking about it! : )

She could sense what I was going through yet she decided to pass negative comments. Should I be used to getting taunted by my loved ones?

I never thought that things would change so quickly. Am I the only one supposed to hold this? How is that possible? I am very tired of everything. I can't even sit still without rubbing my legs or not crying. Its really get hard for me at this point and the worst part is that I can't even be myself anymore. Am I just that hard to understand? I can't do this anymore

I'm just not well I guess. I need some real rest because it's very tiring for me to constantly do all of this. She didn't understand again, she didn't try to do that. Am I expecting too much from her? I am physically mentally emotionally tired...

For goodness' sake she won't stop doubting me. She thinks that I am in relationship with my best friend only because I have photos of him. I don't really know how to feel about it. When I tried to make it clear for her she didn't even want to listen. I don't want to lose my best friend only because she thinks that I am in relationship while he is already happy with someone else. I can't do this anymore, she won't really give me time to breath now, this is getting very hard for me. I don't know what to do I absolutely hate her at this point. She is literally taking even everything that makes me happy. I just want to get out of this place I am so so done and I don't think I can be happy here. Only because I am depressed and she can't understand me she just can't assume things like that, it's so so annoying when she does something like that. What does she expect me to do? To sit in my room and cry all the time? To take away literally everything I enjoy? To make me feel even worse? That guy has helped me through times when nobody was by my side, when she didn't even care for me, when she didn't even know what I was going through and she wants me to leave him? She is doubting me on that? I really don't know what she wants from me at this point. I am done with her.

You knew it but you never said it. I felt it but I didn't want it to end. I wish you we stayed for a couple of minutes to figure out what's right and what's wrong, maybe it could have changed us, maybe it could have given us a different perspective. I'm sorry for that day, I could have changed it, I could have stopped it from happening, I could have kept quiet but I didn't and here I am now doing it all again

I know that I am a disappointment. No matter how much I try, I know that I am going to end up ruining things for myself. I just don't know how to improve. I end up doing the same thing again and again even after realizing my mistake. I am just so used to being this bad person that every time I try to do something good, it just ends up being even worse, I am a really big failure (っ╥╯﹏╰╥c)



I just want it to end and never start the same way again

Past few days have been very rough and I have been trying to keep up with most of things but I'm just losing control over myself and it's getting more and more difficult everyday. I have so much guilt and I can't even stop apologizing I really don't know what's wrong with me and why I am like this. I am so so sorry for everything, I can't, I am jut a loser. I am so sorry.