Pieces of the Jigsaw
Hello there, I am Everlee, a teenager who is struggling with a couple of issues. I just want my thoughts to be somewhere and that's why I am starting this thread. I don't mind having comments on this thread as long as they are supportive. :)
There might be some triggers in my posts, so please be careful of not triggering yourself and read further at your own risk. Have a great one!
Why does it need to be damn hard? Why am I supposed to do this? What's my fault? Why am I like this I lost you but I tried not to why is it still so damn hard to accept it? I thought about it again but I never wanted to, I am so sorry for disappointing you I am sorry for being a trouble Im sorry for every single thing I did but I never thought it would end up like this. I don't know I just don't know anything it's so overwhelming and I just can't, I missed it I just missed it
I tried to talk to my friend and my feelings were ignored in seconds lol. I don't understand why people even ask what's wrong when they don't want to listen to anything further. Like you insist me to tell you, I reply in like 5 words and then you are like "woah girl you have a lot of problems Imma just ignore that and tell you to sleep" how cool is that! Like those were just 5 words I didn't even describe or said anything deep lol like imagine if I told more, you wouldn't even care to message me back and then I would feel bad for believing in someone again lol. Anyway I can't expect anything from anyone I'm used to being ignored lol.
It's a bit overwhelming to be here. I am not sure what exactly is affecting me it's just all at once. I might be overthinking about a lot of stuff. I can't even focus well on anything, it's getting very hard I can't stop myself from having some unwanted thoughts and nightmares. I feel so useless like the biggest disappointment on this planet but I can't even help myself through it. Idk I don't like myself anymore. Yesterday I went out and I felt so anxious that I had to leave the place and that made me feel terrible later. I just don't have the motivation to work stuff out but Idk I'm trying not get distracted but ugh why does it need to be so hard
Oh God I can't help but come here :( I don't know what's wrong with me I am getting affected by the smallest things. I literally had a breakdown today and couldn't help myself with it and it's making me feel terrible again. I guess it's all going to be the same again and I'll have to start everything once again and that sucks so bad because I can se it getting worse but I can't do anything I hate this so bad.
So someone asked me to reflect on the good side of what has happened and I remembered that I haven't written a single good update so here we go pawsitivity:
- Doing a bit better physically
- Didn't initiate any fight in family
- Started with work at least
- Found motivation to start working out again
- No nightmares recently
- Caught up with some of my old friends
- Listening to a more happy songs
- Planning on completing at least 2 chapters before next Sunday
- Sleeping a bit earlier than before
- Trying to eat two meals still irregular but working on it
I am shocked that I could list these many things lol but I am a bit happy at the same time well I just hope that it doesn't go wrong