In the Corner

Random optional hugs ✨️

@iloveyouxx @justmeeva @LoveMyMoonflowers

Im going to try to restart some kicking practice today. I havent done any in weeks but i want to try again today

(My balance will probably be as bad as when i started again xD here we go-) 

*processes*

*thinks*

*processes some more*

…

*my brain shuts down*-

dw its not a bad thing i think

And to think i was having a good day

Tw

I want to cry and nothing even happened and i dont even feel sad or anxious or stressed its like idk idk idk like there were good emotions and interesting thoughts today and i actually feel kind of overwhelmed by that? Is overwhelmed even the right word?? 

Tw i just read a fic where smone set off fireworks next to a character to give them a headache. I get that was fictional but it made me wonder if people do this irl? Like theres all types of awful people. Its very possible. And like in the fic its treated as a not great thing obv but imo its worse. Honestly it feels like people underestimate headaches sometimes. Ive had so many types of headaches so often- i have one right now- and there isnt always a "cure". Painkillers dont always help. Reducing lights and noise dont always help. Sleeping doesnt always help. Sometimes theres nothing to do but ride it out. Migraines are even worse. Ive only had a (diagnosed) migraine once and it was awful. Because i have headaches so often my family usually dismisses it when i say i have one- but just because the pain is common doesnt mean it isnt pain. The very possibility that people might purposefully cause others headaches is very irritating to think of. Hopefully in this context, fiction is just fiction and nothing of this sort happens irl. 

I feel like one thing stops me from like getting better or whatever.

I feel guilty. Like i have all these...resources and good friends and there are so many my age hurting and...

Like how can i practice kicking and try out some baking and have healthy conversations with my friend to help us move on from past fights and just be healthy when so many my age arent?

How can i have hope when so many dont? Hows that fair?

I feel like the only way id be able to accept being okay without guilt is if i were helping others be okay too.

But how can i help? My friends say i do. People on cups have said i do. Do i? What does anything i say or do change in the long run? 

How can i learn to take happiness without giving any? 

How can i, how dare i have happy moments when at that same time several people are hurting?

I dont know

I feel like im improving in some aspects but

I feel more...silent

I love talking

All i talk about is the unimportant stuff now

Things i dont care about

They dont even listen to that

They dont listen to anything

Whats the point in talking? (I love talking i miss it i miss talking about things that matter )

Tw mean mode on. Uhm those are lessening again tho so yay? But getting some urges. 

Um im still on cups rn but staying quiet and ill log off if it gets worse

(Forgive me if i say smth dumb)

Tw she yelled