In the Corner

Everything im reading makes me feel wrong, like a monster. How could i long to upset others? Cruel cruel sick cruel

only i dont feel cruel, because i dont want to, anymore than people who sh want to sh

i dont want to

I’ll come to you vv soon lovely 

Agh…mean mood’s gona and i didnt upset anyone. Yay? Got a blaring headache tho. Proof that wasnt easy, i guess. 

Better the headache than being mean i guess

I swear i really want a therapist. Im willing to accept anything, try anything to improve myself. But i have nothing to try. The only people ive ever been able to confide in is teenagers across the globe. Ughhh i cld do with a therapist. A nice, kind female one.

or hey, maybe i just want a good mom. 

*thinks of the mother voice*

*apologizes to mother voice*

*feels weird*

uhhhhh imma go to tcr to stop being weird-

@unassumingEyes nah nvm tcr is emptyyy

Uhhh putting the ipad down tc lovelies bye <3

@unassumingEyes (me reloading this every few seconds and seeing a new heart from eva each time @justmeeva. Thanks love <3)

@unassumingEyes 

i finished school so i’m here if you need me ❤️ i hope you’ll be okay

@justmeeva thnk u <3 im just gonna rest now (which means spend time with cousins and avoid thoughts) hope school was okay <3

@unassumingEyes 

that sounds great, have fun 💕

I had a very bad day yesterday admittedly but i was okay by night (cousins <3) and i am ok right now i think so okay, lets do this. 

(Theres always a part of me that feels guilty for being okay, but guilt’s like a part of me by now so thats okay)

*hugs everyone if oki*

@unassumingEyes 

*hugsssss eyes buddyy* 🩷

People r peopley

Closing the ipad for now. Love yall.

*you are irreplaceable*

*you are unforgettable* 

*you are important*

*you are loving*

*you are loved* 

*and love isn't conditional*

*you will never lose my love*

*and i will fight to never lose yours*

*and we are not okay*

*but we are not broken*

*we are not dy-ng*

*we are not monsters* 

*we are not slaves to our hurt*

*we were born crying, or yelling, or silent*

*we were not born singing*

*we have not been singing*

*our laughter is fake*

*our tears are real*

*we were not born to d-e*

*we do not want to d-e*

*we want to live*

*we want to sing*

*we want to laugh*

*and we will*

*not here, not now*

*but we will*

There's a starman waiting in the sky

He'd like to come and meet us

But he thinks he'd blow our minds

There's a starman waiting in the sky

He's told us not to blow it

'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile

He told me

Let the children lose it

Let the children use it

Let all the children boogie

- David Bowie

*comes and sits here quietly* 

@LoveMyMoonflowers Sorry no one was here then🥺 *hugs if okay*

@unassumingEyes

awwe no it’s okie friend 🥺 dw about it. *huggies tight* 

Tw (?)

it feels like teenies are losing hope everywhere. My own classmates irl…

before i moved, the whole class had practically given up on this school year, these exams. Idk bout now for sure.

hope is important.

i dont think we have it right now.

and thats really really concerning.

Just…somethings off

@unassumingEyes feels like people on here are just tolerating me right now, or like pretending.

I dont know, somethings…wrong. Like one friend of mine on here, havent talked to them in days and when i do its…wrong

idk, something isnt making sense, and i feel lonely again

I just get so mad and difficult

i feel so mad at everyone rn

pressure every ******* where i go

Gotta be this or that not me huh

I wrote so many posts and never posted them so i dont hurt anyones feelings

even when im mad im restricting myself because of others feelings

ugh im so mad rn

this isnt me

Tw Look, im just gonna go do things that arent good for me, and then im going to study. If ur worried (as if-) im not an idiot and ill still be alive. I honestly feel like ive argued with everyone of you right now, even tho i havent with even one of you, and its really frustrating how mad i am rn, and how many posts ive written and then erased, so yeah.

be alive when i come back, tho? I still love yall even when im mad 

@unassumingEyes im practically saying this to air anyways

Tw um, ok, im back. Ill study in a bit but

I know i said i was like mad at all of you, and i kinda am i think. But i think maybe its misdirected anger? I dont know. So, im just going to be really careful not to snap at you all, because im just mad nowadays and its not fair for others to have to deal with that. And you dont hv to be apologetic, or feel guilty, or anything. I just need some time to breathe i think. (Which is an ironic thing to say right after holding my breath, but yea) 

Feels so emtpy

(are we even here?)

I really need one of you here rn…

@unassumingEyes 

*sits with you*

@justmeeva eva 

@unassumingEyes 

what’s wrong love?

@justmeeva sorry i started crying….

tw the frnd i mentioned on cups…when i said i talk to them nd it feels different and wrong…they were speaking of giving up..and i got angry and told them that giving up was useless…and they said theyd try one more time, and if they failed they were done…i asked them if it meant they wld leave keave and they said yes…i asked them if i cld stoo them and they said no…theyd just try one more time…

im so tired eva…i miss my irl frnds so much rn…i just want to be with them rn… or atleast message them…but moms outside with her phone and my cousins are out too…my aunt nd uncle are home but i cnt talk to them nd i think i hate my grandmother and theyre all sleeping and ive been up for 3 hours…idek what im feeling rn… i just know i want my irl frnds but i cnt reach out to them…

@unassumingEyes

(sorry for taking so long, i had to get ready for school)

*hugs you if okay* crying is okay and valid love, it’s okay 🩷 

teens seem to be going through tough times right now, there’s not really anything we can do against that. we can help each other go through it, of course, but at the end of the day, the one (most) in control of their lives is them themselves. nobody can be blamed for what they’re going through, but it’s their choice how to manage it. the most you can do is just be there for them, and kind of.. hope. 

i know you’re tired love, i know. is there any way you can reach out to them.. at all? it makes sense you miss them, and missing someone that’s far away is hard, i know..

is there anything i can do for you? anything? 

@justmeeva

( i started crying again, sorry sorry idk whats on today)

until my mom gets home theres no way for me to reach out to my frnds… and the one i feel like cld help me will probably be in school bu then bcz of our timezone difference…i probably cnt talk to her till 4-5pm and its 11am rn…

idk what u cn do bcz i dont know what i need… i dont think i cn study rn and the fanfics are a good distraction but smth im kinda obsessed with…so reading them when im upset is probably going to make it harder for me to stop reading the, at all…

im glad ur here rn tho…but my answers are really slow cuase i keep crying and im trying to think but my head feels so empty..

@unassumingEyes 

i understand 🩷 take all the time you need, don’t rush yourself. if you made a plan or ‘promise’ to yourself that you would talk to your friend(s) later in the day, would it make you feel a bit better? that way you would have something to look forward to?

@unassumingEyes 

did anything happen? are you safe?

@justmeeva safe i think…might hold breath…try not to because i myt be stupid nd get hurt…trynna be smart

@unassumingEyes 

i’m sorry i’m so late.. are you okay lovely..?

@justmeeva not really..

Ok ummm, after roughly 45 mons of alternating between crying and trying to distract myself thru fanfiction (which probably wasnt healthy but ok) i hv calmed down…somewhat. 

I still really want my frnds but everytime i think of them i start crying again so we’re not gonna go there-

i dont rlly know how i feel rn… or what i need (other than my *** frnds-) 

Eva cups keeps thinking im in cr-sis