In the Corner
Sometimes, the thoughts in my head repeat over and over and over again until I need to tell them to someone, even if noone's listening. So, this is my little corner to do that. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Trigger warnings, just incase. And, @LoveMyMoonflowers, @justmeeva @DarkerPlaces and @iloveyouxx are welcome to replies. Not really comfortable with anyone else. Sorry for tagging. Be safe everyone <3
Tw Did i tell anyone that the other day i got compared to smones abusive mom? I still dont know how to feel about thatš
Tw religious stuffs
reading the old testament and why wldĀ God need to rest š *is confused*Ā
religion is hard lol. Currently trynna read a couple of holy books and see which makes sense to me. Is that weird? Probably
Tw the Bible is actually kinda scary like she ate frm a tree and now will suffer a ton of pain thats dark frnd
Tw there are more systems around than i thought. Tbh, when i was a kid i saw a slightly scary video about systems. It was just a Ted-ed video, but uh there was a sort of idk tw m-rder mystery around a guy who was (was or had-?) a system and idk. I was 7, to be fair- but anyways it just sorta scared me and i searched up more about it and the memory gap thing freaked me out completely. But now ive like met systems and hey- thereās nothing scary about it! 7 year old me was just a scared kid! Now i hv frnds who are systems! So id just be glad to finally forget that video- bcz it taught young me to be afraid of ppl that hvnt done anything wrong :0 so thereās my entirely unasked for confession lol
but srsly, that video was wrong. Being friends with ppl hving DID etc, itās like, many friends in a friend, or smth. Itās not scary. That might be the biggest thing cups taught me..
@unassumingEyes
sadly movies, shows, videos etc. donāt usually portray DID/OSDD very well :') they make systems seem very violent and mmm ā¦ š but thatās not how they are in reality at all. š
me glad cups taught eyes buddy more about systems š (me donāt tell many people this but Ni/me is actually the host of a newly discovered system. š itās hard to talk about but lately iāve been getting comfier talking about it ^-^)Ā
@LoveMyMoonflowers Iāve honestly seen almost 0 representation of it :0 so all i had to go on was a ted-ed video. 7-year old me made alot of assumptions back then :0
ļ»æMe is proud of you for sharing that <3 Itās okay to wait till ur comfy to tell ppl <3 i hv a few considerations bcz of the āmotherā voice, but since āmotherā never frontsā¦well, idk lol. Itās the wondering that made me confess. System or not- itās time i address my āfearā of it, u know? I wonāt ask u any qs yet- but iāll still be glad if you share any more ā¤ļøĀ
@unassumingEyes
itās ok to ask questions friend. although me not completely sure what you meanā¦ does eyes buddy mean sheās questioning whether she is a part of a system? :o š
@LoveMyMoonflowersĀ ļ»æyea, possibly. Or maybe i just weird, lol. I donāt know š¤·š»āāļø. If questions are oki, imma just ask two yet. Maybe ill learn more just frm being with u, so i ask two. No need to answer, this is a weird question. Do u get that memory gaps thing? I think i have a phobia of that or smth, the thought of memory gaps really scares me. Mayb thatās why i was so scared of DID etc. Second qs is just- do the others in the system hv names? :0 and lmk what bout the nickname āflowersā. Heh. thatās a big paragraph i wrote :0
So if im in sr and talking to any of u, and smone cms for support and u help them, i willĀ fade in the background, and thatās okay. Nooneās fault, and Iām still in the room incase im needed, i just dont say a word. But in these cases ill always say bye before leaving, so yall can know, so dont worry if i seem to disappear without hving warned earlier that i might disappear. 99% of the time im still there, if u need anything ā¤ļø
Tw
(Fire, car crash [supposed], reference to death/grief, blood, war, etc)Ā
I don't know if this counts as a poem, but they say poetry has no rules lol
Last week I walked by a car, itās front was pushed in
Red liquid was splattered over itās roof
Someone said, it was done on purpose
In such a world, what can we do?
My grandfather and a Moroccan boy,
I prayed for them both, every night
The boy went first, my grandfather followed.
They went and went, out of this worldās sight
Tell me itāll get better soon
Tell me thereāll be a night of peace
Tell me when I look to the moon,Ā
I wonāt see what couldnāt be
Iām tired of these lies I never believed
Iām tired of pretending like a lost little kitty
The winds whisper to me their secrets,
Let me tell you, it hurts, but the world has no regrets
Whoāre the real martyrs?
The ones who have gone.
Or should we be grieving,Ā
Those who donāt want to go on?
Weāre capable of big things,
But this isnāt a bedtime story
Weāre slaves to true power
We find hurting others, too easy
This isnāt a world where our biggest problem is people refusing to get up
This is a world where our biggest problem is people doing too much
Too much burn-out, too much anger, too much rush and hustle and failureĀ
I see the fire, tell me who lit that match?Ā
No, as a matter of fact
There aināt going to be a magical cure
You canāt fix whatās been broken
Iām not negative, Iām more honest than youāre
But if I gave up, this very second
If I lay down, into a *** grave
Thereāll be others around me, like me
Who no-one chose to save
Cause I canāt stop the war, neither is it up to me
I canāt stop the hurt, if I could your pain wouldnāt be
But maybe i can make you smile one more time
Maybe I can help you find an easy rhyme
Maybe I can fall, maybe I can fly
Even if it hurts me, I know I gotta try
Cause thereās no prize for me, but there could be for youĀ
In times of war, in times of pain, we do what we gotta do
We do what we gotta do
@unassumingEyes
ā¦..
ok so.
i started reading this, i had just sat in the car. we were driving away from the house, but turning from our house to the road of the street, because of the ice, we slid to our neighbourās car with our front. everyone was okay, no major damage to the cars, just- the coincidence- we almost didnāt get going at all because the road was like literally pure ice, but eventually we managed. ahem. *speechless*
Me to my 7yr old cousin in my head : oh ur mom is sick and asleep and ur bored and just want to hv sm distracting fun? Too bad, i seem to hv social anxiety with toddlers and the very thought of getting up is making me freeze. Sorry!Ā
Ugh, like i wanna help her but i reallyā¦cant
@unassumingEyes someone give my cousin a friend poor girl is so bored and im being useless š
Why cnt adults adult man my uncle just decided to go out for sunlight god knows where leaving me with my 7yr old cousin, sick aunt, sleeping-till-2pm grandmother and mom-with-a-migraine at home. Which is ridiculous! Plus, thereās no gas, so theres no eating! My 7year old cousin has been up for atleast 2 hours and has had no breakfast. I last ate 6 hours ago! And even if there was gas, the most i cn do is make noodles! I wasnt allowed near the stove till last year man i cnt cook! Idek how the water system works! What if we run out again? And my mom (with a migraine!) needs to pick up my sis frm college- and lets not forget that uncle needs to pick up my 16yr old cousin too, but he just decided to poof, so now my 7yr old cousin is saying sheāll pick my 16yr old cousin up, and thats ridiculous, and why cant adults adult?! Ā I am not competent enough to deal with angry-migraine-mom, bored-7yr-old-ridiculously-reckless-cousin, grandmother-with-an-awful-sleep-schedule (and lets not forget her tendency to leave the house without telling anyone) and a *sick* aunt. Oof. Like, its not a big deal, uncle will prob be back in a fewā¦something idk he didnt say, but im not as bothered by being left behind as i am with the fact that these people never think before doing. Seriously, a walk in the sun can wait. And if u arent actually walking, then maybe dont lie so atleast i cn know im being left for a good reason. Bruh. 7yr old cousin hasnt said anything bout being hungry, im praying to a god i dont believe in to let her stay not hungry.
also i hv no idea if 14yr old male cousin is even home. Ofcourse, im not gonna go in the bedroom to check- that wld be considered scandalous. But ive been up for hours and i didnt see him go to school yet :0