In the Corner

Apparently my day wasnt trash enough without mom yelling at me. Oh, thanks mom. 

@unassumingEyes

*hugs for eyes buddy if oke* 🩷

@justmeeva i forgot to reply! What am i doing today :000 *hugss*

@unassumingEyes

no worries (: *hugsss* 🩷 hru?

@justmeeva better ❤️ feel like mood might crash in a while (u know, that feeling of impending doom xD) and i hv a lot of neutral thoughts but im good rn, so that’s enough. Hru?

@unassumingEyes

i’m happy to hear that ❤️ i’m okay, thank you. 💕

Ok so i accidentally clicked a notif in which i was tagged in a post, and then accidentally closed it and the notif is gone :0 all i say was "@iloveyouxx". Any help? I cnt find it 😭

@unassumingEyes

hehehe I did tag you- want me to retag ? :P

@iloveyouxx yes pls :0 

@unassumingEyes

sure :0 it’s nothing big- just wanted to tag you hehe :3 I will now !

@unassumingEyes

did you get the notification ? :0

@iloveyouxx yes 

My cousins are amazing :p 16yr old cousin cheered me up after sister’s drama by pranking sis :p no major thing just turning off the lights and running away but if i did that id be very much the opposite of life xD since my cousin was there i survived and it was hilarious then my two male cousins got in a fight (there were three of us girls, so noone was harmed bcz the older one as a rule will not upset us and hurting the other wld definitely hv upset us xD it was mostly play fighting- tho we had to convince them to move away frm the stairs :0 but everyone was okay and it was hilarious :p)

and just now we all sat together and studied! And i always study better with others there =D

Stupid stomach problems i just spent 40 minutes in the bathroom and finished all our limited water like sm kind of idiot we barely had any drinking water all morning and now i finished the bathroom water 😭😭 

@unassumingEyes my stomach hurts

Also mom is being s o confusing she said to avoid meds till the last minute to like build up my immune system and stuff but when i said i do that for headaches she said not to like bruh wdym-  

Tw Did i tell anyone that the other day i got compared to smones abusive mom? I still dont know how to feel about that🙃

Tw religious stuffs

reading the old testament and why wld God need to rest 😀 *is confused* 

religion is hard lol. Currently trynna read a couple of holy books and see which makes sense to me. Is that weird? Probably

Tw the Bible is actually kinda scary like she ate frm a tree and now will suffer a ton of pain thats dark frnd

Tw there are more systems around than i thought. Tbh, when i was a kid i saw a slightly scary video about systems. It was just a Ted-ed video, but uh there was a sort of idk tw m-rder mystery around a guy who was (was or had-?) a system and idk. I was 7, to be fair- but anyways it just sorta scared me and i searched up more about it and the memory gap thing freaked me out completely. But now ive like met systems and hey- there’s nothing scary about it! 7 year old me was just a scared kid! Now i hv frnds who are systems! So id just be glad to finally forget that video- bcz it taught young me to be afraid of ppl that hvnt done anything wrong :0 so there’s my entirely unasked for confession lol

but srsly, that video was wrong. Being friends with ppl hving DID etc, it’s like, many friends in a friend, or smth. It’s not scary. That might be the biggest thing cups taught me..

@unassumingEyes

sadly movies, shows, videos etc. don’t usually portray DID/OSDD very well :') they make systems seem very violent and mmm … 😞 but that’s not how they are in reality at all. 💜

me glad cups taught eyes buddy more about systems 💜 (me don’t tell many people this but Ni/me is actually the host of a newly discovered system. 💜 it’s hard to talk about but lately i’ve been getting comfier talking about it ^-^) 

@LoveMyMoonflowers I’ve honestly seen almost 0 representation of it :0 so all i had to go on was a ted-ed video. 7-year old me made alot of assumptions back then :0

Me is proud of you for sharing that <3 It’s okay to wait till ur comfy to tell ppl <3 i hv a few considerations bcz of the “mother” voice, but since “mother” never fronts…well, idk lol. It’s the wondering that made me confess. System or not- it’s time i address my “fear” of it, u know? I won’t ask u any qs yet- but i’ll still be glad if you share any more ❤️ 

@unassumingEyes

it’s ok to ask questions friend. although me not completely sure what you mean… does eyes buddy mean she’s questioning whether she is a part of a system? :o 💙

@LoveMyMoonflowers yea, possibly. Or maybe i just weird, lol. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️. If questions are oki, imma just ask two yet. Maybe ill learn more just frm being with u, so i ask two. No need to answer, this is a weird question. Do u get that memory gaps thing? I think i have a phobia of that or smth, the thought of memory gaps really scares me. Mayb that’s why i was so scared of DID etc. Second qs is just- do the others in the system hv names? :0 and lmk what bout the nickname “flowers”. Heh. that’s a big paragraph i wrote :0

@LoveMyMoonflowers flowers. Frnd. Why has noone ever mentioned OSDD before? :000

i wont say i have it but I might. Anyways it makes more sense than DID. 

Oof. Just, oof. Thanks, tho :0 

So if im in sr and talking to any of u, and smone cms for support and u help them, i will fade in the background, and that’s okay. Noone’s fault, and I’m still in the room incase im needed, i just dont say a word. But in these cases ill always say bye before leaving, so yall can know, so dont worry if i seem to disappear without hving warned earlier that i might disappear. 99% of the time im still there, if u need anything ❤️

Tw

(Fire, car crash [supposed], reference to death/grief, blood, war, etc) 

I don't know if this counts as a poem, but they say poetry has no rules lol

Last week I walked by a car, it’s front was pushed in

Red liquid was splattered over it’s roof

Someone said, it was done on purpose

In such a world, what can we do?

My grandfather and a Moroccan boy,

I prayed for them both, every night

The boy went first, my grandfather followed.

They went and went, out of this world’s sight

Tell me it’ll get better soon

Tell me there’ll be a night of peace

Tell me when I look to the moon, 

I won’t see what couldn’t be

I’m tired of these lies I never believed

I’m tired of pretending like a lost little kitty

The winds whisper to me their secrets,

Let me tell you, it hurts, but the world has no regrets

Who’re the real martyrs?

The ones who have gone.

Or should we be grieving, 

Those who don’t want to go on?

We’re capable of big things,

But this isn’t a bedtime story

We’re slaves to true power

We find hurting others, too easy

This isn’t a world where our biggest problem is people refusing to get up

This is a world where our biggest problem is people doing too much

Too much burn-out, too much anger, too much rush and hustle and failure 

I see the fire, tell me who lit that match? 

No, as a matter of fact

There ain’t going to be a magical cure

You can’t fix what’s been broken

I’m not negative, I’m more honest than you’re

But if I gave up, this very second

If I lay down, into a *** grave

There’ll be others around me, like me

Who no-one chose to save

Cause I can’t stop the war, neither is it up to me

I can’t stop the hurt, if I could your pain wouldn’t be

But maybe i can make you smile one more time

Maybe I can help you find an easy rhyme

Maybe I can fall, maybe I can fly

Even if it hurts me, I know I gotta try

Cause there’s no prize for me, but there could be for you 

In times of war, in times of pain, we do what we gotta do

We do what we gotta do

@unassumingEyes

…..

ok so.

i started reading this, i had just sat in the car. we were driving away from the house, but turning from our house to the road of the street, because of the ice, we slid to our neighbour’s car with our front. everyone was okay, no major damage to the cars, just- the coincidence- we almost didn’t get going at all because the road was like literally pure ice, but eventually we managed. ahem. *speechless*

@justmeeva omg 😭 im so glad everyones okay bruh but ur right the coincidence :000 

I didnt do anything!/lh :p 

@unassumingEyes I did *not* swear i mean i meant like...ugh now how do i say it itll censor again lol :000 

Me to my 7yr old cousin in my head : oh ur mom is sick and asleep and ur bored and just want to hv sm distracting fun? Too bad, i seem to hv social anxiety with toddlers and the very thought of getting up is making me freeze. Sorry! 

Ugh, like i wanna help her but i really…cant

@unassumingEyes someone give my cousin a friend poor girl is so bored and im being useless 😭

@unassumingEyes

i has to go to school D: but i can come back in a few hours to check cups hehe

*sends hugs to eyes fren and the cousin of oke* 💕 

@justmeeva *hugs* hope school goes well <3

Why cnt adults adult man my uncle just decided to go out for sunlight god knows where leaving me with my 7yr old cousin, sick aunt, sleeping-till-2pm grandmother and mom-with-a-migraine at home. Which is ridiculous! Plus, there’s no gas, so theres no eating! My 7year old cousin has been up for atleast 2 hours and has had no breakfast. I last ate 6 hours ago! And even if there was gas, the most i cn do is make noodles! I wasnt allowed near the stove till last year man i cnt cook! Idek how the water system works! What if we run out again? And my mom (with a migraine!) needs to pick up my sis frm college- and lets not forget that uncle needs to pick up my 16yr old cousin too, but he just decided to poof, so now my 7yr old cousin is saying she’ll pick my 16yr old cousin up, and thats ridiculous, and why cant adults adult?!  I am not competent enough to deal with angry-migraine-mom, bored-7yr-old-ridiculously-reckless-cousin, grandmother-with-an-awful-sleep-schedule (and lets not forget her tendency to leave the house without telling anyone) and a *sick* aunt. Oof. Like, its not a big deal, uncle will prob be back in a few…something idk he didnt say, but im not as bothered by being left behind as i am with the fact that these people never think before doing. Seriously, a walk in the sun can wait. And if u arent actually walking, then maybe dont lie so atleast i cn know im being left for a good reason. Bruh. 7yr old cousin hasnt said anything bout being hungry, im praying to a god i dont believe in to let her stay not hungry.

also i hv no idea if 14yr old male cousin is even home. Ofcourse, im not gonna go in the bedroom to check- that wld be considered scandalous. But ive been up for hours and i didnt see him go to school yet :0

@unassumingEyes on the bright said, i managed to conquer myself enough to cheer up my 7yr old cousin a bit. Yay?

So. My brains being mean. Oh well. 

Remember that time i was called a disappointment for 4.7 GPA outta 5? Or that time i was yelled at for an hour for 5.5/10 in a chemistry revision test? Fun.

*ruins my future* 

Tw i held my breath last night. In the same bed as mom. She didnt even notice lol

Hi eva 👋/nfta