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In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

mytwistedsoul November 7th, 2019

With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.

A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.

While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.

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mytwistedsoul OP May 29th, 2020

Had to share the snoopy dance- just one of many

4 replies
GreenAndRedBoat May 29th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

I cut out snoopy and garfield newspaper clips in the highschool library and my hockey american friend scoldedme for it: cosmin it isnot roght of you to cut off cartoons frkm newspapers, ywt Idid so and smiled guilty at him😶

GreenAndRedBoat May 29th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

I imagined a room covered in comic strips...never haplened...none of my dreams came true...

2 replies
mytwistedsoul OP May 29th, 2020

@GreenAndRedBoat I wish - Idk if wishes were horses - beggars would ride

1 reply
GreenAndRedBoat May 29th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

So nicely written 😊😶...

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mytwistedsoul OP May 30th, 2020

BUZZZZZZZ - wrong fucking answer

Not your place to correct

2 replies
GreenAndRedBoat May 30th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

It's alright, you meant good 🤗😊...

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mytwistedsoul OP May 30th, 2020

7 replies
GreenAndRedBoat May 30th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

5...

TX+...

1 reply
mytwistedsoul OP June 1st, 2020

@GreenAndRedBoat Yee haw - have I got another curse on me now? WTF?

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GreenAndRedBoat May 30th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

You know you are strong when a sconc discharches on you and ou just know better...

Love the skunk coupple ❤

3 replies
mytwistedsoul OP May 30th, 2020

@GreenAndRedBoat :)

2 replies
GreenAndRedBoat May 30th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

🤗😊❤

1 reply
mytwistedsoul OP May 30th, 2020

@GreenAndRedBoat What has you so riled tonight Old Wolf? You're snapping at shadows.

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GreenAndRedBoat May 30th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

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mytwistedsoul OP June 1st, 2020

There is no humanity. Only disappointment.

mytwistedsoul OP June 1st, 2020

Can somebody stop deleting shit all the fucking time? Really tired of seeing tags that have been removed

mytwistedsoul OP June 2nd, 2020

You open your mouth but the words just wont come out. You write - you type word after word only to delete them all. You are angry and the words seem corrosive. You're sad and the words seem desperate. You're ashamed of yourself and your thoughts - your words. They're heavy - these words and thoughts - they weigh you down and threaten to drown you. The silence is just as heavy. You struggle to carry it all but you struggle to ask for help. You struggle to ask for people to step into your personal hell because you're afraid - afraid they might not understand. Afraid maybe that they will - and this fear adds to the shame - you think time has passed things should be better - but they aren't. And that scares you too. How many times have you sat and stared at that screen - that piece of paper - with a million words swirling in your head - trying to dissect the emotions - trying to make sense of those thoughts. Many of them seem foreign. Who will judge you? Who will - listen? You don't even want to listen to them yourself. Who will understand? Why would anyone even care? So you let yourself drown - inches from shore - why? Because you feel it's what you deserve

12 replies
ThePizza June 2nd, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

🕯

@mytwistedsoul

Like the gipsy who drowned inches from shore, like the donkey who finally just before learning how to live without eating, ddied...

10 replies
mytwistedsoul OP June 2nd, 2020

@TheLastMindBenderDreamer Like the Old Wolf who forgot that his words shouldn't cause harm to other's in their part of the woods. The wolf who slaughters all the chickens in one day with no thoughts of the next day, but then moans about how empty his belly is. Your dirty paws have been up to no good Old Wolf. I'm disappointed.

9 replies

@mytwistedsoul

I am sorry and dissapointed that you did not tell me directly...

That is the thing with mad free wolves, they are unpredictable and never tame...

I am sure no chickens were hurt, only the wolf...

And my howls for help are rgetorical, like a constantly crying baby in pain, like a constant being in pain, they know you cannot help them, but they cry in pain since they cannot help it...

I am pretty sure no chickens were hurt 🤗😊, only the bad red black woof...

2 replies
mytwistedsoul OP June 2nd, 2020

@TheLastMindBenderDreamer What about the chicken who you said her picture made her look.... I'll not repeat it. And while mad free wolves are never tame, they at least have to good sense to not shit where they sleep. By the time it was brought to my attention you were already past the point of no return. I understand your pain. I understand why you lash out but can you for one moment understand why your anger and your lashing out might upset some people and make them fearful of you? Make them fearful that you'll set your sights on them and tear them down like you have other people? If you kept it contained to your space it would be different but you wandered around and hurt innocent people looking for help.

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@mytwistedsoul

Remember, I asked you to warn me if smth is bothering you my friends, all I did was try to stay away when darkness came upon me...you know very well that some beings you can never help, just be with them, like your friends say:

"May I sit with you?"

5 replies
mytwistedsoul OP June 2nd, 2020

@TheLastMindBenderDreamer For that I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I didn't offer to sit with you - I figured you would say to piss off or something like that

4 replies

@mytwistedsoul

No appologises needed between friends...

I understand your reluctance, but even if sometimes someone tells you to "piss off", they mean the opposite because they want to spare you their pain but deep inside they want you near them....

3 replies
ThePizza June 2nd, 2020

@TheLastMindBenderDreamer

2 replies
ButterfleeKid June 2nd, 2020

@ThePizza

That's why life is never simple, but a bit complicated, in time you shall learn...for some, time brings wisdom...

1 reply
ThePizza June 3rd, 2020

@ButterfleeKid

For some time brings wisdom, very true :) And just as the young learn from the old, so can the older learn from the young

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mytwistedsoul OP June 3rd, 2020

We'll leave them I think. Proof. Of the bad things I do. The trouble caused. Can't be the morality police if you have no morals of your own. What ever good you think I am - I'm not. I'm not a good person - I am not a nice guy - I am not an asset to this community. Now you've seen - ive seen and I know the whole story. You dear gentle reader - do not. I know and understand the why's on my side - idk. It doesn't matter - let's not make excuses J

Please don't ok? I don't want comforted - I don't want anything. These are just my - Idk. They're just mine and I can't explain my thinking right now - it's alittle twisted

1 reply
mytwistedsoul OP June 3rd, 2020

@mytwistedsoul Not even allowed to cuss and this is a major four letter word day. Now what will I enhance my sentences with?

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mytwistedsoul OP June 8th, 2020

I found a thought in my brain, Something I havent seen in here for days, I asked before it escaped, What brought you here to this desolate place?
Using blood for ink, I watch my stories fade, Writing poetry with thoughts that I erased, Every phrase that never saw the light of day, Will become the only words I ever say…
I felt my conscience awake, It seemed to scare all my ideas away, I asked if it would behave, I wish I knew how to make it obey…
Using ink for blood, I write until Im drained, Leaving memories I hate upon the page, I dont think Ill ever see the light of day, If I leave a piece of me to pave the way…
I hope that somehow, My soul will calm down, As I learn to pronounce, The language I betrayed… As I sweat from my brow & decipher these vowels, May I comprehend doubt, With thoughts that never stayed...
I found a thought in my brain, Something I havent seen in here for days, I watched it walk through my veins, Out through my fingertips into the page…

mytwistedsoul OP June 9th, 2020

What's on your mind J?

What isn't? Tragedy struck this morning with the death of the coffee maker. Might not seem like a big deal to some or even most people but here - wow. It's pretty well known - not much sleep happens here. So coffee is alittle like breathing - it's essential

There's thoughts of well - trying to help people and it seems to backfire. Adds to the feeling of failure and then it reaches the point where it's out of your hands. You try to reason - with all involved but then it's out of your hands. You try to say it wont happen again but you have no control over the situation - but it still bothers you because you think - maybe if you were stronger - a better person - more with it - Idk

The Queen has been a constant daily reminder of all I'm lacking and all my failures. She's sort of like a dementor - sucking the happiness out of everything. She is my persecuter - my nemesis and I try to be - understanding - I know there's a reason she there and in some ways it's to protect - but she does more harm than good and there is no reasoning with her

Tbh - I've been having a hard time sharing anything here - fear - just not feeling - Idk worthy of anything from anyone - other times it's that feeling of bothering people. I mean - I know the site is for that but OMG - it bothers me sometimes to know that I took up people's time if they read my words. There's allways concern of being an inconvenience to everyone

Theres been thoughts of finding a long term listener again but theres fear in that too. Past listeners caused harm and there's a level of distrust towards many of them now. Or they just disappear or its hard to explain somethings because they're not - Idk - open minded enough I guess. Which adds to the feelings of shame I often have. Idk -

There's been alot of thought about people saying they're empathetic. Tbh - true empaths don't advertise what they have. It's a protected secret. Something to think about lol

If I haven't reached out to you - know it's nothing personal - alot of you have been in my thoughts and well - me being me - I worry about being a pita

2 replies
ThePizza June 9th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

💙

TheLastSoulBender June 10th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

Have confidence Master Soul 🤗😊 in yourself...😶

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mytwistedsoul OP June 9th, 2020

If you want to play the game you best remember there are other players and there is always someone better than you. Choose wisely.

1 reply
TheLastSoulBender June 10th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

Yes, and spare wisely too...

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