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- In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
@GreenAndRedBoat Yee haw - have I got another curse on me now? WTF?
@mytwistedsoul
You know you are strong when a sconc discharches on you and ou just know better...
Love the skunk coupple ❤
@GreenAndRedBoat What has you so riled tonight Old Wolf? You're snapping at shadows.
Can somebody stop deleting shit all the fucking time? Really tired of seeing tags that have been removed
You open your mouth but the words just wont come out. You write - you type word after word only to delete them all. You are angry and the words seem corrosive. You're sad and the words seem desperate. You're ashamed of yourself and your thoughts - your words. They're heavy - these words and thoughts - they weigh you down and threaten to drown you. The silence is just as heavy. You struggle to carry it all but you struggle to ask for help. You struggle to ask for people to step into your personal hell because you're afraid - afraid they might not understand. Afraid maybe that they will - and this fear adds to the shame - you think time has passed things should be better - but they aren't. And that scares you too. How many times have you sat and stared at that screen - that piece of paper - with a million words swirling in your head - trying to dissect the emotions - trying to make sense of those thoughts. Many of them seem foreign. Who will judge you? Who will - listen? You don't even want to listen to them yourself. Who will understand? Why would anyone even care? So you let yourself drown - inches from shore - why? Because you feel it's what you deserve
@mytwistedsoul
Like the gipsy who drowned inches from shore, like the donkey who finally just before learning how to live without eating, ddied...
@TheLastMindBenderDreamer Like the Old Wolf who forgot that his words shouldn't cause harm to other's in their part of the woods. The wolf who slaughters all the chickens in one day with no thoughts of the next day, but then moans about how empty his belly is. Your dirty paws have been up to no good Old Wolf. I'm disappointed.
@mytwistedsoul
I am sorry and dissapointed that you did not tell me directly...
That is the thing with mad free wolves, they are unpredictable and never tame...
I am sure no chickens were hurt, only the wolf...
And my howls for help are rgetorical, like a constantly crying baby in pain, like a constant being in pain, they know you cannot help them, but they cry in pain since they cannot help it...
I am pretty sure no chickens were hurt 🤗😊, only the bad red black woof...
@TheLastMindBenderDreamer What about the chicken who you said her picture made her look.... I'll not repeat it. And while mad free wolves are never tame, they at least have to good sense to not shit where they sleep. By the time it was brought to my attention you were already past the point of no return. I understand your pain. I understand why you lash out but can you for one moment understand why your anger and your lashing out might upset some people and make them fearful of you? Make them fearful that you'll set your sights on them and tear them down like you have other people? If you kept it contained to your space it would be different but you wandered around and hurt innocent people looking for help.
@mytwistedsoul
Remember, I asked you to warn me if smth is bothering you my friends, all I did was try to stay away when darkness came upon me...you know very well that some beings you can never help, just be with them, like your friends say:
"May I sit with you?"
@TheLastMindBenderDreamer For that I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I didn't offer to sit with you - I figured you would say to piss off or something like that
@mytwistedsoul
No appologises needed between friends...
I understand your reluctance, but even if sometimes someone tells you to "piss off", they mean the opposite because they want to spare you their pain but deep inside they want you near them....
@ThePizza
That's why life is never simple, but a bit complicated, in time you shall learn...for some, time brings wisdom...
@ButterfleeKid
For some time brings wisdom, very true :) And just as the young learn from the old, so can the older learn from the young
We'll leave them I think. Proof. Of the bad things I do. The trouble caused. Can't be the morality police if you have no morals of your own. What ever good you think I am - I'm not. I'm not a good person - I am not a nice guy - I am not an asset to this community. Now you've seen - ive seen and I know the whole story. You dear gentle reader - do not. I know and understand the why's on my side - idk. It doesn't matter - let's not make excuses J
Please don't ok? I don't want comforted - I don't want anything. These are just my - Idk. They're just mine and I can't explain my thinking right now - it's alittle twisted
@mytwistedsoul Not even allowed to cuss and this is a major four letter word day. Now what will I enhance my sentences with?
I found a thought in my brain, Something I havent seen in here for days, I asked before it escaped, What brought you here to this desolate place?
Using blood for ink, I watch my stories fade, Writing poetry with thoughts that I erased, Every phrase that never saw the light of day, Will become the only words I ever say…
I felt my conscience awake, It seemed to scare all my ideas away, I asked if it would behave, I wish I knew how to make it obey…
Using ink for blood, I write until Im drained, Leaving memories I hate upon the page, I dont think Ill ever see the light of day, If I leave a piece of me to pave the way…
I hope that somehow, My soul will calm down, As I learn to pronounce, The language I betrayed… As I sweat from my brow & decipher these vowels, May I comprehend doubt, With thoughts that never stayed...
I found a thought in my brain, Something I havent seen in here for days, I watched it walk through my veins, Out through my fingertips into the page…
What's on your mind J?
What isn't? Tragedy struck this morning with the death of the coffee maker. Might not seem like a big deal to some or even most people but here - wow. It's pretty well known - not much sleep happens here. So coffee is alittle like breathing - it's essential
There's thoughts of well - trying to help people and it seems to backfire. Adds to the feeling of failure and then it reaches the point where it's out of your hands. You try to reason - with all involved but then it's out of your hands. You try to say it wont happen again but you have no control over the situation - but it still bothers you because you think - maybe if you were stronger - a better person - more with it - Idk
The Queen has been a constant daily reminder of all I'm lacking and all my failures. She's sort of like a dementor - sucking the happiness out of everything. She is my persecuter - my nemesis and I try to be - understanding - I know there's a reason she there and in some ways it's to protect - but she does more harm than good and there is no reasoning with her
Tbh - I've been having a hard time sharing anything here - fear - just not feeling - Idk worthy of anything from anyone - other times it's that feeling of bothering people. I mean - I know the site is for that but OMG - it bothers me sometimes to know that I took up people's time if they read my words. There's allways concern of being an inconvenience to everyone
Theres been thoughts of finding a long term listener again but theres fear in that too. Past listeners caused harm and there's a level of distrust towards many of them now. Or they just disappear or its hard to explain somethings because they're not - Idk - open minded enough I guess. Which adds to the feelings of shame I often have. Idk -
There's been alot of thought about people saying they're empathetic. Tbh - true empaths don't advertise what they have. It's a protected secret. Something to think about lol
If I haven't reached out to you - know it's nothing personal - alot of you have been in my thoughts and well - me being me - I worry about being a pita
@mytwistedsoul
Have confidence Master Soul 🤗😊 in yourself...😶
If you want to play the game you best remember there are other players and there is always someone better than you. Choose wisely.
@mytwistedsoul
Yes, and spare wisely too...
@mytwistedsoul
@mytwistedsoul
Every single one speaks to my soul...
Citizen Soldier - Would anyone Care * warning - Sad song* And no I'm not in crisis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gyANphz_Kk
Unsecret X Suton - Wild
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GIbJi5XMv4
UnSecret X VO Williams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViUVolsWwEA
Ghost Machines - We Bring The Fire
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvNL8bZg7H8
Hidden Citizens - Ready For This
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdaPD9vvSq4
Hidden Citizen - Built in Our Bones
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCiToyWJpeo
Sam Tinnesz - Fight On
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exmecS0NE2A
The Hu - Wolf Totem *just because*
@mytwistedsoul
I feel so lucky to have friends with great tastes...now I'm going to listen to quality music...
@TheLastSoulBender LOL! You gotta have tunes :)