In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

Winds blowing so hard I can barely feel your hand on my heart
So dark, dark before the morning
Caught in the fog, hearing your voice is the Northern most star constantly calling me

Whats on your mind J?

Alittle of this - alittle of that

On a darker note: This pain is exquisite. It steals your breath.

Head feels full. It's Idk - really wish I had the pensieve from Harry Potter

I was telling someone earlier that sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind

I get tired of the thoughts disappearing. The all most constant chatter. The forgetting things and the not remembering other things. The getting sidetracked. The not being able to explain myself and the not understanding of alot of the things I feel. I'm tired of the secrets. In many ways I'm just tired. Like worn out. There's days I have things to say but no words to say them. Other times I have the words but the thoughts aren't there. It's frustrating and gives me a rattitude. There's times I'm so shaking and agitated I can't sit still. Other times I don't want to move. I seem to be experiencing life at the rate of like 100 wtf's a minute. Idk - how to make sense of things. Idk - does it have to make sense?

Would I be an a**hole if I wasn't this way? Am I a bigger a**hole for wishing I wasn't? Lol - ok just informed I'm an a**hole either way.

Um-- you have no idea how much she messes with my head

Still got this black mist that makes you forget and turns everyone into monsters stuck . Idk what he was talking about. Did I miss something important he said? Idk

Listened to a few songs today by Seether. That was nice. Music has been a no go lately. Good thing I found memes. Instead of hey I have a song for that I can just find a few memes

In many ways I think I'm immature and in others too mature. Where was I when the happy medium came through? Some One told me once I have a beautiful mind - it doesn't feel that way. It feels like hostile territory sometimes - filled with demons and monsters who all look alittle like me and they're just waiting for me to f*ck up so they can take my place. Idk - maybe they'd do a better job then I am.

I don't allways feel like a bad person - just 95% of the time

Idk

0 - 120

2.3 seconds

Awesome

Random thoughts -

Too little too late

I am so screwed and it seems questionable -

This can go wrong in so many ways

Don't ever buy a stainless steel refrigerator

I think my email has a better social life then I do

I am so ready for spring

Steal my sight

And then

Fill my mind with foreign words

To keep me wanting

Speak now child

And fill my heart with all the hurt

And keep me suffering

All these promises

Lectures

And bold faced lies

Anxious

Randome thoughts -

we have to hurry she's coming

What purpose does he have on the porch anyway

I'm glad the kitty's back

I'm so sick of hearing this

Do you think she'll be ok?

Maybe none of this is real. Just a dream. Reliving someone else's past. Oh God technically we are reliving someone's past - right?

Did you ever get that shiver - the one that feels like someone just raked their nails across your soul. Or Idk maybe for a split second another soul just touched yours.

A couple thoughts are alittle violent - won't share those

New forum rules make me nervous. Tick off the right person and poof.

Man I am so glad I started to proof read this stuff

Ok starting to space out

To the pit of misery

Nah we'll watch some motorcycle wrecks - think about blowing up a tire - lol - don't ask

Idk - how do you know you're processing anything? How do you know for sure because I still feel like shit all the time. Some days worse then that. Do we just fool ourselves into accepting things? Mull it over for a while and then decide it doesn't matter any more? Just because it doesn't make us feel bad any more? Idk ijdfk - thought I did. But I think I might be wrong and I think I might be heading for a panic attackk