In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

@ThePizza Woo hoo! The year of the rat!

@mytwistedsoul

I thought you might like that :)

The dot lies - the cup lies and Noni lols

Tired yet restless - just keep moving - Headache

Seems the posting anxiety eased for now - give me a few days it'll be back. I have back up anxieties anyway so - no worries. Irony is awesome

I think in order for me to be relaxed - I'd have to be dead

Today on this episode of As The Cup Turns -

J still has a headache and is depressed. The snark seems to have decided to stick around for the moment. By this afternoon it will probably dissipate and be replaced by darker depression clouds. Allthough the instability of the atmosphere could also trigger over powering anxiety. It's pretty much a crap shoot here. So place your bets.

So whats the deal with this satan wrap stuff? I look like a monkey trying to do a math problem here! Is there a secret or a sacrifice I need to make to the cling wrap gods?

@mytwistedsoul Pull some off, let it cling to itself, pull off some more, repeat of before, and then throw the roll into the trash. I refuse to buy it since it refuses to cling to anything but itself.

@Dawn04 Lol! No offense but I may or may not have flipped you the bird. You had me going for a minute!

@mytwistedsoul LOL

Pain - not quite sure which is worse. The pain in my head or the pain the body feels. Makes it hard to think of anything else.

Roses are red, and my heart is black
We creep about the floor to indulge like rats
Enraptured, we walk to nurse our obsession
Cause the roles that we play are paved with cruel intentions
I

@intelligentWheel627

Hey you - I hope you don't mind my tagging you. I saw - well - You said no replies.

But I just want you to know - I hear you

You're in my thoughts

Be gentle with yourself

@mytwistedsoul

Hey, you made me cry, kind Soul. I don't deserve to be tagged or talked to. I always say the wrong things. I think I'm meant to live alone in a cave. I shouldn't be talking to anyone other than myself.

I've been sitting with you here the entire time but I was too scared to type anything. It has been painful to see what you are going through and yet I found no words to comfort you. This is the kind of crappy person I am. I say too little or too much or nothing at all.

I feel like an elephant in a porcelan store. Things get broken. Feelings get hurt. I don't mean to. I'm sorry.

You have been in my thoughts every single day. I care about you, even if I don't know how to show it.

I wish you well, my friend.

@intelligentWheel627 I am just going to leave you a safe hug if that's ok (apologies if not) I too often feel like that so please don't ever feel like you don't deserve kind thoughts. We are all on this journey together and we take each other as we are and understand that it's often difficult to find words sometimes. We all care about each other here ❤️ And sorry for hijacking the thread

@crimsonLime6525 Hey Lime - it's good to see you here too!

I'm allways glad to see you about! You're allways welcome here too!

@crimsonLime6525

*Grabs the safe hug hastily and offers one in return*

I love hugs!

Thank you for the gentle words. ❤

@intelligentWheel627 I feel the same way - for as nice and good as I try to be - I mess up. Boy do I mess up.

Thank you for sitting here with me - whether you're silent or or say too much - it doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes we don't know what to say. Sometimes there isn't anything to say.

I don't see you as a crappy person - I see you as someone who is suffering through their own hell. We all are - but there's strength in numbers - ya know? Please don't feel you need to suffer in silence. My threads are allways sort of a come as you are. Good - bad - ugly - elephant mode. I don't worry about that. Just be you - ok? You're allways welcome here

@mytwistedsoul

You don't ever have to thank me, I like to be here. I'm never not here for as long as you let me.

I'm usually sitting in the corner quietly and knitting a long warm scarf for you. Sometimes I might go into elephant mode too. 😁

I really like what you said about having strength in numbers. It's so true. Made me smile and feel less alone. :)

@intelligentWheel627 For some odd reason - I keep picturing an elephant knitting lol!

It's true - we're all going through something - in one way or the other. I know it's hard to ask for help and alot of us will try not to draw attention to ourselves because we feel undeserving of support or even understanding. But there's some truth in the whole - many hands make heavy work light. I mean - we can only do so much here but at the same time - it helps just to know that you were heard. No one should have to go through things alone - even those of us who get it in our heads that we're an exception to the rule. *clears my thoat* Lol!

@mytwistedsoul

You are not too far off. I've been struggling with binge eating for years. 😋🐘

I know it's not what you meant but it is what hopped in my mind anyway.

I think I just broke a saucer. Oops. Sorry. 😁

@intelligentWheel627 You can break all the saucers you'd like. Lol!

So um - hey - I hope I'm not over stepping anything but I'd like to tell you - if you ever need to talk Rinny - you can tag me ok? I may not have the best advice or even the words sometimes but I can listen pretty good.

I just don't want you to feel you have to be alone or worry that you shouldn't reach out. There's alot of people here who care for you.

We can even have some peanuts here for those elephant modes.

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

@mytwistedsoul

Similarly, I don't want you to feel that you have to help me. I'm OK.

I truly appreciate your concern, thank you for reaching out. You have a mighty big heart. :)

Perhaps you would want to unsubscribe if it causes you to worry. Just a thought.

I fear that I've said too much. A huge pile of plates just landed on the floor. I'm sorry. 🌸

Peanuts are a great idea, lol! 🥜

@intelligentWheel627 Oh no ma'am, I'm afraid unsubscribing would only cause more concern then not. But we understand what you're saying. It's okay and good for you for speaking your mind! No harm done.

@mytwistedsoul

*Regrets writing the previous post and goes back to the corner. Only the clicking sound of the knitting needles is heard until she forgives herself."

Second star to the right and straight on until morning

May the Sun rise tomorrow to a better day - free from pain

Persecution

Who the f*ck rattled her cage?

Winds blowing so hard I can barely feel your hand on my heart
So dark, dark before the morning
Caught in the fog, hearing your voice is the Northern most star constantly calling me

Whats on your mind J?

Alittle of this - alittle of that

On a darker note: This pain is exquisite. It steals your breath.

@mytwistedsoul It is and it does

Questions - second guessing - wondering

Sometimes the world has a surreal aspect to it. Like you just walked into someone else's dream or nightmare

Please let me sleep tonight

I'd like to see the sun tomorrow - it's been too long without it

I'd like to not hurt tomorrow too if it's not too much to ask

@mytwistedsoul

Thinking of you. It's quiet in here. I'm slightly worried. How are you, Soul?

@intelligentWheel627 Hey how are you? That allways feels like a trick question doesn't it? Idk - I'm kind of in a dark place right now. Thank you for asking.

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

@mytwistedsoul

Sitting with you

@mytwistedsoul

*Lights a candle and sits with you. Creates shadow animals on the wall until the Sun comes out again."

Head feels full. It's Idk - really wish I had the pensieve from Harry Potter

I was telling someone earlier that sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind

I get tired of the thoughts disappearing. The all most constant chatter. The forgetting things and the not remembering other things. The getting sidetracked. The not being able to explain myself and the not understanding of alot of the things I feel. I'm tired of the secrets. In many ways I'm just tired. Like worn out. There's days I have things to say but no words to say them. Other times I have the words but the thoughts aren't there. It's frustrating and gives me a rattitude. There's times I'm so shaking and agitated I can't sit still. Other times I don't want to move. I seem to be experiencing life at the rate of like 100 wtf's a minute. Idk - how to make sense of things. Idk - does it have to make sense?

Would I be an a**hole if I wasn't this way? Am I a bigger a**hole for wishing I wasn't? Lol - ok just informed I'm an a**hole either way.

Um-- you have no idea how much she messes with my head

Still got this black mist that makes you forget and turns everyone into monsters stuck . Idk what he was talking about. Did I miss something important he said? Idk

Listened to a few songs today by Seether. That was nice. Music has been a no go lately. Good thing I found memes. Instead of hey I have a song for that I can just find a few memes

In many ways I think I'm immature and in others too mature. Where was I when the happy medium came through? Some One told me once I have a beautiful mind - it doesn't feel that way. It feels like hostile territory sometimes - filled with demons and monsters who all look alittle like me and they're just waiting for me to f*ck up so they can take my place. Idk - maybe they'd do a better job then I am.

I don't allways feel like a bad person - just 95% of the time

Idk

@mytwistedsoul

You did a wonderful job writing this out

@ThePizza Thank you M

@mytwistedsoul From my experience, you're a bad person 0% of the time.

@Dawn04 Thank you Dawn.

@mytwistedsoul Never any need to thank me for telling the truth how I see it.

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