In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
What's on your mind J?
I still don't think you should be able to feel more then - let's go with two things at once. I have two hands so I can handle two things. Well- even that could be pushing it.
I can't listen to music yet. It was so bad today when I turned it on - man oh man. The funny thing is - I can hear music in my head - loud enough I can make out the words and I'm fine with it.
I'm tired - beyond tired. Eyes are gritty - just wore out. Tbh - I'm npt sure of there was any sleep. I don't remember gpong to bed and I don't remember waking up. Did finally eat something - I don't think we had anything yesterday. Maybe - Idk.
Haven't worked on anything - but I have stared at it pretty hard.
No details - but therea temptation. Even with shaving - intrusive thoughts - hard to walk away.
Anxious - depressed - frustrated - kind of snarky - kind of angry. Sad - And the crying! Holy sh*t! Just boom there it is. I think these levies need better concrete or something. Cause it's not holding up.
Is this what insanity is like? How it feels?
Idk - sometimes - it feels like none of this is real and it sure as he'll doesn't belong to me. Because - I want a refund. Let me level up or something. Something has to give eventually - doesn't it. Is there like a law of average or what ever? Like after so much shit you get something right even if it's by chance?
Get the manual for this thing - the dummy edition
Chinese New Year is today-- Year of the Rat
@ThePizza Woo hoo! The year of the rat!
@mytwistedsoul
I thought you might like that :)
The dot lies - the cup lies and Noni lols
Tired yet restless - just keep moving - Headache
Seems the posting anxiety eased for now - give me a few days it'll be back. I have back up anxieties anyway so - no worries. Irony is awesome
I think in order for me to be relaxed - I'd have to be dead
Today on this episode of As The Cup Turns -
J still has a headache and is depressed. The snark seems to have decided to stick around for the moment. By this afternoon it will probably dissipate and be replaced by darker depression clouds. Allthough the instability of the atmosphere could also trigger over powering anxiety. It's pretty much a crap shoot here. So place your bets.
So whats the deal with this satan wrap stuff? I look like a monkey trying to do a math problem here! Is there a secret or a sacrifice I need to make to the cling wrap gods?
@mytwistedsoul Pull some off, let it cling to itself, pull off some more, repeat of before, and then throw the roll into the trash. I refuse to buy it since it refuses to cling to anything but itself.
@Dawn04 Lol! No offense but I may or may not have flipped you the bird. You had me going for a minute!
@mytwistedsoul LOL
Pain - not quite sure which is worse. The pain in my head or the pain the body feels. Makes it hard to think of anything else.
Roses are red, and my heart is black
We creep about the floor to indulge like rats
Enraptured, we walk to nurse our obsession
Cause the roles that we play are paved with cruel intentions
I
@intelligentWheel627
Hey you - I hope you don't mind my tagging you. I saw - well - You said no replies.
But I just want you to know - I hear you
You're in my thoughts
Be gentle with yourself
@mytwistedsoul
Hey, you made me cry, kind Soul. I don't deserve to be tagged or talked to. I always say the wrong things. I think I'm meant to live alone in a cave. I shouldn't be talking to anyone other than myself.
I've been sitting with you here the entire time but I was too scared to type anything. It has been painful to see what you are going through and yet I found no words to comfort you. This is the kind of crappy person I am. I say too little or too much or nothing at all.
I feel like an elephant in a porcelan store. Things get broken. Feelings get hurt. I don't mean to. I'm sorry.
You have been in my thoughts every single day. I care about you, even if I don't know how to show it.
I wish you well, my friend.
@intelligentWheel627 I feel the same way - for as nice and good as I try to be - I mess up. Boy do I mess up.
Thank you for sitting here with me - whether you're silent or or say too much - it doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes we don't know what to say. Sometimes there isn't anything to say.
I don't see you as a crappy person - I see you as someone who is suffering through their own hell. We all are - but there's strength in numbers - ya know? Please don't feel you need to suffer in silence. My threads are allways sort of a come as you are. Good - bad - ugly - elephant mode. I don't worry about that. Just be you - ok? You're allways welcome here
@mytwistedsoul
You don't ever have to thank me, I like to be here. I'm never not here for as long as you let me.
I'm usually sitting in the corner quietly and knitting a long warm scarf for you. Sometimes I might go into elephant mode too. 😁
I really like what you said about having strength in numbers. It's so true. Made me smile and feel less alone. :)
@intelligentWheel627 For some odd reason - I keep picturing an elephant knitting lol!
It's true - we're all going through something - in one way or the other. I know it's hard to ask for help and alot of us will try not to draw attention to ourselves because we feel undeserving of support or even understanding. But there's some truth in the whole - many hands make heavy work light. I mean - we can only do so much here but at the same time - it helps just to know that you were heard. No one should have to go through things alone - even those of us who get it in our heads that we're an exception to the rule. *clears my thoat* Lol!
