In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
Headache - tired - tense - angry - frustrated
Accomplished nothing this weekend
How many times can someone burn down a bridge before people decide not to cross it any more?
Too many contradictions Idk - I don't understand - I don't understand alot - Idk - shouldn't I be smarter now?
Sh*t
Distraction - diversionary tactics
Pay the toll to let it go
God - just shut up
Laughter is the best medicine unless it's aimed at you
Allways said I was a screw up - now you know
I'm tired of headaches - I'm tired of feeling anxious - tired of feeling depressed - tired of being afraid - tired of being tired. It's like I know all the words to the songs but it's all out of order - the words are right but the music is wrong. Idk - doesn't even make sense.
Sorry - not feeling very friendly towards myself right now. Sorry self - but I dgaf about you right now
Freaking moths to a flame. These thoughts right now. So desperate to come to the light. They kill themselves before they even come close. I kind of think I might be working myself up to a panic attack - feels like it. God what a moron you are J.
@mytwistedsoul
when every note comes out so wrong
it keeps on getting harder to remember
the melodies
or what they lyrics mean
Im tired of these feelings too— distracting myself too. Damn this whole day so far has been an attempt to distract myself.
Sitting with you J— lets take some breaths
@mytwistedsoul
I am sitting here with you and breathing with you. I am thinking of filling the sink with cold water, the coldest possible, and then dive in for a few seconds and repeat. Would you do this with me J.?
Not safe for others
@mytwistedsoul
I am thinking of you, I hope you are ok.
Bit by bit it will all dis*ppear
All the evid*nce of what was
Sadness and mourning permeate everything
My soul is heavy lying at my feet
Tethered to me
It holds me b*ck
Tears
like Acid corrode and eat through
Muscle and bone
A shell of a soul
You slowly lose yourself - for every piece you find - you leave one behind. You have to or it's too heavy - right?
@mytwistedsoul I spy that you was able to re-open at least this forum! I'm glad you was able to and you should feel free to post whatever you feel.
I screwed up last week. I did something stupid and then because I'm so awesome - I screwed up again. I wanted to delete a thread. Thought it was what I wanted - but a miscommunication lead to both threads being deleted. Suddenly - I wasn't too happy about what I decided. So I made work for people. I'm sorry for that. I got them back - but it doesn't feel right yet. So I guess the moral of the story is - don't be stupid
So what's on your mind J -
Words are hard - sharing is hard. I need to be more careful - which is hard too. Anxiety has been - just wow. We finally broke down and bought a new cell phone. The one I had was about 6 yrs old - flip phone lol. But after being dropped in the dogs water dish about 6 times - it was giving me problems. Found out - wow - how do anxious people use those things to type? Hands are maybe too shaky for that.
I haven't been in the shop for quite a few days - which is a shame because I got new toys to check out. Idk - when I'm out there my hands and eyes want to stray and dwell on unfriendly things. Prior post said I screwed up - I did - in more ways then one. So - punishment - ya know? But I havent - but I want to - yeah?
Headaches are an issue - Doc Z stresses about the stress - mind your stress J. Stress makes everything worse. more switching - more headaches - less words - more isolation. She convinces me - I'm a bad person - bad people get what they deserve and while I desrve it - I haven't yet gotten all thats coming to me.
Thoughts are scattering now - losing cohesion - she doesn't like when I talk about her. Quiet - quiet - QUIET!
Yeah - Quiet
@mytwistedsoul May or may not work for you, but a lot of smartphones I have been around - at least mine and a few others - all have an ability to skip the typing part and can record yourself talking and with any luck if you speak clearly, it transforms it into text for you. Might be worth a shot. *shrug* Good luck with the new phone!
@Dawn04 Funny story about that - I said oh sh*t and it gave me oceans - LOL
@mytwistedsoul LOL! I speak with a bit of a slur and mess up stuff like my sh's vs ch's, so while sometimes it's helpful, other times I want to smack whatever it turns my words into.
@Dawn04 Lol - well I guess whatever accent I have made oh sh*t sound like oceans. Must keep it interesting though at least until the novelty wears off.
I can see that happening - bet this new phone can fly LOL!
So first app - lol
Ghost detector
spirit box
Words that came in -
After
Pack
Divided
So Weak
Process
Warrant
Over
Reap
Aaron
Above
Answer Her
Afraid
Bring Him
Deformed
Child
Drank
Ask Me
Much
Memory
My Father
Demand
Ok kind of creepy - lol
I can see it now - like some horror movie - ooga booga