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In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

mytwistedsoul November 7th, 2019

With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.

A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.

While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.

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mytwistedsoul OP December 29th, 2019

I'd like to wake up now please.

mytwistedsoul OP December 30th, 2019

Headache - tired - tense - angry - frustrated

Accomplished nothing this weekend

How many times can someone burn down a bridge before people decide not to cross it any more?
Too many contradictions Idk - I don't understand - I don't understand alot - Idk - shouldn't I be smarter now?

Sh*t

mytwistedsoul OP December 30th, 2019

Distraction - diversionary tactics

Pay the toll to let it go

God - just shut up

Laughter is the best medicine unless it's aimed at you

Allways said I was a screw up - now you know

I'm tired of headaches - I'm tired of feeling anxious - tired of feeling depressed - tired of being afraid - tired of being tired. It's like I know all the words to the songs but it's all out of order - the words are right but the music is wrong. Idk - doesn't even make sense.
Sorry - not feeling very friendly towards myself right now. Sorry self - but I dgaf about you right now

Freaking moths to a flame. These thoughts right now. So desperate to come to the light. They kill themselves before they even come close. I kind of think I might be working myself up to a panic attack - feels like it. God what a moron you are J.

5 replies
ThePizza December 30th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

when every note comes out so wrong

it keeps on getting harder to remember

the melodies

or what they lyrics mean

Im tired of these feelings too— distracting myself too. Damn this whole day so far has been an attempt to distract myself.

Sitting with you J— lets take some breaths

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December 30th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

I am sitting here with you and breathing with you. I am thinking of filling the sink with cold water, the coldest possible, and then dive in for a few seconds and repeat. Would you do this with me J.?

2 replies
mytwistedsoul OP December 30th, 2019

@admaiorasemper Trying v

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AlphaPheonix4720 December 30th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul What the heck is a Glaoming?

1 reply
mytwistedsoul OP December 31st, 2019

@AlphaPheonix4720

gloam•ing glō′mĭng►

Twilight; dusk.

The fall of the evening as the time of dusk or gloom; the twilight.

2. Closing period; decline: as, the gloaming of life.

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mytwistedsoul OP December 30th, 2019

Not safe for others

4 replies
December 31st, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

I am thinking of you, I hope you are ok.

3 replies
mytwistedsoul OP December 31st, 2019

@admaiorasemper Things are fine. Thank you

2 replies
December 31st, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

I am glad they are <3. Will sit here for a little longer if you do not mind.

1 reply
mytwistedsoul OP December 31st, 2019

@admaiorasemper It's fine. You're welcome to sit as long as you like. I don't mind at all

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mytwistedsoul OP December 31st, 2019

Bit by bit it will all dis*ppear
All the evid*nce of what was
Sadness and mourning permeate everything
My soul is heavy lying at my feet
Tethered to me
It holds me b*ck
Tears
like Acid corrode and eat through
Muscle and bone
A shell of a soul

mytwistedsoul OP January 5th, 2020

You slowly lose yourself - for every piece you find - you leave one behind. You have to or it's too heavy - right?

1 reply
Dawn04 January 5th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul I spy that you was able to re-open at least this forum! I'm glad you was able to and you should feel free to post whatever you feel.

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mytwistedsoul OP January 6th, 2020

I screwed up last week. I did something stupid and then because I'm so awesome - I screwed up again. I wanted to delete a thread. Thought it was what I wanted - but a miscommunication lead to both threads being deleted. Suddenly - I wasn't too happy about what I decided. So I made work for people. I'm sorry for that. I got them back - but it doesn't feel right yet. So I guess the moral of the story is - don't be stupid

mytwistedsoul OP January 6th, 2020

So what's on your mind J -

Words are hard - sharing is hard. I need to be more careful - which is hard too. Anxiety has been - just wow. We finally broke down and bought a new cell phone. The one I had was about 6 yrs old - flip phone lol. But after being dropped in the dogs water dish about 6 times - it was giving me problems. Found out - wow - how do anxious people use those things to type? Hands are maybe too shaky for that.

I haven't been in the shop for quite a few days - which is a shame because I got new toys to check out. Idk - when I'm out there my hands and eyes want to stray and dwell on unfriendly things. Prior post said I screwed up - I did - in more ways then one. So - punishment - ya know? But I havent - but I want to - yeah?

Headaches are an issue - Doc Z stresses about the stress - mind your stress J. Stress makes everything worse. more switching - more headaches - less words - more isolation. She convinces me - I'm a bad person - bad people get what they deserve and while I desrve it - I haven't yet gotten all thats coming to me.

Thoughts are scattering now - losing cohesion - she doesn't like when I talk about her. Quiet - quiet - QUIET!

Yeah - Quiet

14 replies
Dawn04 January 6th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul May or may not work for you, but a lot of smartphones I have been around - at least mine and a few others - all have an ability to skip the typing part and can record yourself talking and with any luck if you speak clearly, it transforms it into text for you. Might be worth a shot. *shrug* Good luck with the new phone!

13 replies
mytwistedsoul OP January 6th, 2020

@Dawn04 Funny story about that - I said oh sh*t and it gave me oceans - LOL

12 replies
January 6th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

LOL you have got yourself a shy phone :D

2 replies
mytwistedsoul OP January 6th, 2020

@admaiorasemper Lmao! We're perfectly matched then!

1 reply
January 6th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul

I need to check mine, it surely is too lol!

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Dawn04 January 6th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul LOL! I speak with a bit of a slur and mess up stuff like my sh's vs ch's, so while sometimes it's helpful, other times I want to smack whatever it turns my words into.

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mytwistedsoul OP January 6th, 2020

@Dawn04 Lol - well I guess whatever accent I have made oh sh*t sound like oceans. Must keep it interesting though at least until the novelty wears off.

I can see that happening - bet this new phone can fly LOL!

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Dawn04 January 6th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul Anything can fly a short distance.....

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mytwistedsoul OP January 6th, 2020

@Dawn04 Even me?

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Dawn04 January 6th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul If the Hulk threw you, sure.

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mytwistedsoul OP January 6th, 2020

So first app - lol

Ghost detector
spirit box
Words that came in -

After
Pack
Divided
So Weak
Process
Warrant
Over
Reap
Aaron
Above
Answer Her
Afraid
Bring Him
Deformed
Child
Drank
Ask Me
Much
Memory
My Father
Demand

Ok kind of creepy - lol
I can see it now - like some horror movie - ooga booga

3 replies
Dawn04 January 6th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul Okay, my brain's not working - what did you do to get these words?

2 replies
mytwistedsoul OP January 6th, 2020

@Dawn04 It's an app called Ghost detector. It's a spirit box

1 reply
Dawn04 January 7th, 2020

@mytwistedsoul So that's creepy!

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