In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

@admaiorasemper It's fine. You're welcome to sit as long as you like. I don't mind at all

Bit by bit it will all dis*ppear
All the evid*nce of what was
Sadness and mourning permeate everything
My soul is heavy lying at my feet
Tethered to me
It holds me b*ck
Tears
like Acid corrode and eat through
Muscle and bone
A shell of a soul

You slowly lose yourself - for every piece you find - you leave one behind. You have to or it's too heavy - right?

@mytwistedsoul I spy that you was able to re-open at least this forum! I'm glad you was able to and you should feel free to post whatever you feel.

I screwed up last week. I did something stupid and then because I'm so awesome - I screwed up again. I wanted to delete a thread. Thought it was what I wanted - but a miscommunication lead to both threads being deleted. Suddenly - I wasn't too happy about what I decided. So I made work for people. I'm sorry for that. I got them back - but it doesn't feel right yet. So I guess the moral of the story is - don't be stupid

So what's on your mind J -

Words are hard - sharing is hard. I need to be more careful - which is hard too. Anxiety has been - just wow. We finally broke down and bought a new cell phone. The one I had was about 6 yrs old - flip phone lol. But after being dropped in the dogs water dish about 6 times - it was giving me problems. Found out - wow - how do anxious people use those things to type? Hands are maybe too shaky for that.

I haven't been in the shop for quite a few days - which is a shame because I got new toys to check out. Idk - when I'm out there my hands and eyes want to stray and dwell on unfriendly things. Prior post said I screwed up - I did - in more ways then one. So - punishment - ya know? But I havent - but I want to - yeah?

Headaches are an issue - Doc Z stresses about the stress - mind your stress J. Stress makes everything worse. more switching - more headaches - less words - more isolation. She convinces me - I'm a bad person - bad people get what they deserve and while I desrve it - I haven't yet gotten all thats coming to me.

Thoughts are scattering now - losing cohesion - she doesn't like when I talk about her. Quiet - quiet - QUIET!

Yeah - Quiet

@mytwistedsoul May or may not work for you, but a lot of smartphones I have been around - at least mine and a few others - all have an ability to skip the typing part and can record yourself talking and with any luck if you speak clearly, it transforms it into text for you. Might be worth a shot. *shrug* Good luck with the new phone!

@Dawn04 Funny story about that - I said oh sh*t and it gave me oceans - LOL

@mytwistedsoul

LOL you have got yourself a shy phone :D

@admaiorasemper Lmao! We're perfectly matched then!

@mytwistedsoul

I need to check mine, it surely is too lol!

@mytwistedsoul LOL! I speak with a bit of a slur and mess up stuff like my sh's vs ch's, so while sometimes it's helpful, other times I want to smack whatever it turns my words into.

@Dawn04 Lol - well I guess whatever accent I have made oh sh*t sound like oceans. Must keep it interesting though at least until the novelty wears off.

I can see that happening - bet this new phone can fly LOL!

@mytwistedsoul Anything can fly a short distance.....

@Dawn04 Even me?

@mytwistedsoul If the Hulk threw you, sure.

@NoneTheWiser Oh you know it! I bet google learns how to sigh or pretends not to hear me

@NoneTheWiser Either that or she'll start keeping count of how many questions I asked

@NoneTheWiser. If she's smart she will. I can hear it now - it's the middle of the month and she'll be telling me I have 2 questions left.

@NoneTheWiser Lol! 48 hours could even be pushing it

So first app - lol

Ghost detector
spirit box
Words that came in -

After
Pack
Divided
So Weak
Process
Warrant
Over
Reap
Aaron
Above
Answer Her
Afraid
Bring Him
Deformed
Child
Drank
Ask Me
Much
Memory
My Father
Demand

Ok kind of creepy - lol
I can see it now - like some horror movie - ooga booga

@mytwistedsoul Okay, my brain's not working - what did you do to get these words?

@Dawn04 It's an app called Ghost detector. It's a spirit box

@mytwistedsoul So that's creepy!

So right now - right this moment - I don't feel too bad - alittle anxious but that's always there. It got nicer than it was supposed to get.

I am missing some time and dealing with some thievery.

It's a dis-organized place here. Clothe that should be put away. Stuck on milk can's - sheets and hoodies on the safe. If there a flat surface - there is something on it. We really need to do something. I mean - everything's clean just not where it could go. You know what though? I dgaf - lol

Idk - may be missing a speed bumb or two between brain and hands
Impulse control is an issue

Idk - might have to ghost hunt the woods lol

@NoneTheWiser Lol! It was dark - just a little snow. No owls. And in 1 hour only one word.

That one made goosebumps pop up.

What's on your mind J? Kinda liking the new phone. Poor Google. Not liking auto correct - but it has some interesting suggestions

Snow today - should be fun. Have to make sure the bird feeders are full and that there's corn out for the squirrels. It feels like snow

Feeling - Idk - sad I guess. Not the deep dark usual depression - just sad.

Stained a chair I'm working on but have been staying away from sharp tools because - urges - yeah? I hate it. Intrusive thoughts have been an issue - hate those too

@mytwistedsoul

This is soooooooooooo brilliant!

@admaiorasemper Thanks V - cute isn't he?

@admaiorasemper I'm sorry V - I think maybe I screwed up earlier

@mytwistedsoul

Oh J no you absolutely didn't, why do you say that? You were so kind and supportive... You really, honestly, absolutely, totally didn't say anything wrong

@admaiorasemper Thank you for saying that. Idk it seemed like it snowballed and then things disappeared. Idk - Over think it - ya know? It got twisted in my head.

@mytwistedsoul

I really don't think she intentionally deleted the thread...

You are so caring J.

Know what I hate?

Typing out a post and then hitting that stupid x instead of post!

Ah - we can pace with a phone

I'm sorry - sometimes I don't think and afterwards I over think it. Maybe - I need to learn - Idk - something

Insecuries are full - please stop feeding them. What if she's right? God - my heart aches - what if it's true?

Thoughts - here and gone - it' s ok - maybe I'll find them again later.

I'm sorry maybe the words sounded harsh. Too rough. Thoughtless

I'm drawing lines

Connecting the dots

Making it fit

The box is warped. Do you see? The triangle fits in the circle - the circle fits the box. She twists it and makes it fit.

Eerily calm - the calm before the storm. No other sounds except the thunder and wind.
And the Queen

She's been whispering in my ear all night - it's hard to swallow sometimes but she force feeds it

Idk - does it matter if the intentions were good - if it still ended bad?

I'm tired of allways feeling unsure and insecure with what I say to people or even here in my own space
The questions - the doubt

I know I have no control over peoples thoughts or feeling but there's that fear of contributing or adding.
I worry that maybe some of what I say is - not all mine - Idk - Nvm

Kind of anxious - kind of depressed - kind of not really sure. Kind of don't care. Some dark thoughts - some urges
Had a moment

@NoneTheWiser

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