In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
On my mind - god
I used to pray - they were never answered
I still wonder if that's what's missing
Thoughts have been - all over but I can't seem to hold on to them for very long
Anxiety has been high but not a panic high - more of a go go go anxiety - keep busy - keep moving
stay too busy to think. I've decided I don't like to think - it causes me to have thoughts. Thoughts are painful -words bring them to life
So now I stare at the screen - willing my thoughts to magically appear - write the words I want to say
Why do I deserve the science
To feel better about you?
At a loss I lost my cool
I denied that I found you
I tried to be a basket case
I did not surprise you
I'm trying to find a signal fire
Let me know when I should move
But you, amplified in the silence
Justified in the way you make me bruise
Magnified in the science
Anatomically proved that you don't need me
Why do I desire the space?
I was mourning after you
I was lost and lost my shape
There was nothing I could do
I don't want to waste away
It was all I gave to you
Take me back and take my place
I will rise right up for you
But you, amplified in the silence
Justified in the way you make me bruise
Magnified in the science
Anatomically proved that you don't need me
All the while you waste away, you're asking
"Did I really need another one to take me down?"
Everybody knows it's something that you had to live with darling
Nobody's gonna tear you down now
There is nothing you keep, there is only your reflection
There was nothing but quiet retractions
And families pleading, "Don't look in that cabinet
There's far more bad than there's good, I don't know how it got there"
That was something your father had burned in me
Twenty hours out of Homestake eternity
You can go anywhere but you are where you came from
Manchester Orchestra - The Silence
I spoke to God even though He don't care how I feel
I sent Him letters yet I found them returned and sealed
All of my prayers left unanswered yet still I would kneel
I spoke to God even though I don't know if He's real
I heard that evil is silent
I know my demons stay quiet
Until I ask for compliance
That's when they claw and they riot
So keep me awake
Even though I
Wish to escape
From these thoughts
I ponder and pray
Even though I've
Lost all my faith
I will survive
I watched below as I saw my son fall in a field
I let his heart fall apart then I taught it to heal
I let him ask me for guidance
I met his questions with silence
Hiding the answers inside him
I always knew he would find it
So keep me awake
Even though I
Wish to escape
From these thoughts
I ponder and pray
Even though I've
Lost all my faith
I will survive
He placed the earth in the palm of my hands
Asked me to fix all the problems it has
Now I think I finally understand
So keep me awake
Keep me awake
Keep me awake
Even though I've
Lost all my faith
Keep me awake
Even though I
Wish to escape
From these thoughts
I ponder and pray
Even though I've
Lost all my faith
I will survive
Jacob Lee - Guidance
You have got to be Fucking kidding me - Someone needs to get a handle on this damn censor
If I'm really in crisis I sure as hell ain't going to post about it on a freaking thread - I'll just do it and that's it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhT9IO58GGA
Kiss my a**
@mytwistedsoul What happened?
@Dawn04 Eh - I had something all typed up and and went to post it. It said I was in crisis and the whole post just disappears. Just ticked me off because it doesn't give you a chance to fix it or change anything.
Lol sorry
@mytwistedsoul You don't need to apologize to me - you know that. *hugs* It really does suck they don't let you just edit it instead.
@Dawn04 Lol - I need to watch the cussing or at least block out some letters. I mean - it's not like we can't figure out what it is but I know some people probably disapprove. Yeah - they should at lease kick it back to you and give you the chance to fix whatever it is.
@mytwistedsoul I can't remember the age you have to be to create a teen account.....but honestly, most people know curse words by hell junior high. So I don't personally get the big deal on some words. Maybe some very derogatory terms, sure, maybe they shouldn't be allowed......but most, why not let them be there if we want to use them?
@Dawn04 I guess though the adult thing would be not to cuss so much - allthough I kind of see it that sometimes my life calls for the liberal use of the f word. Sentence enhancers lol!
@mytwistedsoul Ah trust me, outside of 7Cups, I'm worse than a sailor.
@mytwistedsoul
Sometimes if I know the censor might cancel my post I copy it before I post so I can paste and edit it if needed. But yeah probably not practical when youre not expecting the censor to catch anything. Idk
@mytwistedsoul
I honestly really hate that thing...awesome music by the way 🙂
Hey everyone - Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.
https://vocaroo.com/absIMtm1yuC
So I did this thing - And Well - feel free to laugh. It's kind of stupid probably but I really can't sing. So um - be gentle - maybe keep any mean comments to yourself - Lol!
Let's have some post and panic
@mytwistedsoul I straight up chuckled at your story. I loved it! And I must echo Wiser, it was awesome to hear your voice.
@mytwistedsoul
Loved hearing your voice and your little laugh at the end! Concentration sucks so I couldn't focus on your words very well and I will have to listen to it again to grasp the story. But thank you :)
@mytwistedsoul
I liked the poem storry alot, super creative and original and you are a naturral narator with a calm, pleasant voice😊 Thank you!
A Very Merry Christmas to you too Soul!
@mytwistedsoul
Such a wonderful story! :) Thank you for sharing
You know what would be a nice christmas present?
My Feed! LOL!
@mytwistedsoul
so true
Anxiety is kind of being a pita today - Shaky lol
Didn't realize how tense I was holding myself - until I went to move
Really distracted this afternoon - having a hard time keep track of my thoughts
having a hard time keeping track of myself. Just feel weird - sort of - Idk
Keep hearing someone yelling but it's muffled - sounds p*ssed though
Hmm - I need to go find something to do - preferably something constructive lol
Movement is good - ya know?
Wish me luck!
@mytwistedsoul
Yes, I wish you a truckload of good luck
Did you know that peanut containers actually contain peanuts? I know! Crazy right?!
Holy sh*t 3 hours
Can I be the monkey that has it's hands over it's mouth?
What if they aren't my hands? Maybe it's not even my mouth
Sometimes it doesn't even feel like this is my body.
Ever feel like - you start to reach your hand out to touch something but then pull back at the last second and then slink back into the shadows. Anxiety woohoo!
Drawing spiders - still feel the tip of the pen
Minutes of time lost in little blocks - lost in the nothing - no sound - no touch - no sight - no smell
Personal sensory deprivation tank
Hard to stay present
Mutated monster monkey
Sounds like it should be a band - Mutated Monster Monkey - singing Lost in the Nothing
Having a hard time with the fact it's thursday
Feels like the third monday this month
I suck - ya know? As a person - I really do
Behind this ratty grin lurks a wild animal - grrr
Seriously - I feel like maybe theres a double standard somewhere with me
All the talk - is bullsh*t - I don't do as I say
Kind of have some irrational anger - I think
Closet is getting full - too many skeletons
I don't trust myself - sometimes things change as they go from my thoughts to my fingers
Body feels tense all the time - always on guard - ready to defend
Arguing about seeing Doc Z today - do we really have to do this again?
Contemplating - valor - Idk - maybe
*sigh* thought thieves - thought insertion
Idk - RQ - if this isn't contagious - why are so many people around you f*cked up J? You're a curse - a plague- just spreading disease as you go. A darkness - christ don't you ever learn?
Have you got a penny for the wishing well? You're going to need a prayer right now
Stronger people perform better than weak
Stop eating my freaking wheaties then!
Canned spinach is gross
Still thinking about that person from yesterday - thinking how I would feel. How do you not think about that - did you giv a warning? Does it weigh on your mind - that they were looking for help and you kicked them out the door? Sorry - I seem to be doing some judging. And now I got executioners stuck in my head
F**K
@mytwistedsoul J. What the f*ck is wrong with you? Why do you listen to her? She lies, you know she does. Fuck! What am I allowed to say here? God damn you piss me off. You think everything is your fault. Do you have any idea how fucking stupid that is? This isn't the fucking butterfly effect.
@mytwistedsoul
Hi Soul, just wanted to let you know I'm sitting with you. Sending you some care if you would like, maybe it's time to finish the Harry Potter series? Idk.. I'm not great with words sometimes lol, I second guess what I write but just wanted to let you know I hear you and am sitting with you. Hope you are doing ok ❤️
@calmLake1999 Hey Calm - thank you. I'm ok at the moment - it changes to quickly tsometimes though - lol. How are you today?
@mytwistedsoul
I'm doing ok for the moment. It does change too quickly
